Love is Protection
by Xlovestory33X
Summary: Finally back together, Clare and Eli have much to celebrate about including Clare's new internship at The Toronto Daily. Eager and excited to start and with Eli by her side with his unconditional support, Clare quickly molds herself at her new setting. Unfortunately, her passion for journalism clouds her judgment as she soon realizes people are not who they seem.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there beatiful people! :) I know its been a while since I've written. I've just been so busy, but after the new episode descriptions came out, there was no way I could ignore the enormous urge to write after getting a glimpse of Clare's storline in the upcoming episodes. So without further ado, here is Love is Protection. Please enjoy! :)**

"Ms. Edwards? Are you still there?"

I quickly shake my head and bring myself back to reality. But this can't be real. I have to be dreaming. "Y-yes, I'm sorry. I just…I'm in shock. I wasn't sure I would get it."

"Well we extensively looked through all the applications, but your passion for writing and your evident desire to do something with it through your school's newspaper really attracted us to you. We would be greatly honored if you would take this opportunity with us. If you agree, the internship is yours."

I have to physically contain myself from squealing. Instead, I opt for bouncing up and down on my toes. "I would love to! Thank you so much! I can't even tell you how thrilled I am."

"I think I have an idea considering I can just about feel your enthusiasm through the phone," my future boss laughs.

I nervously laugh along with him. "Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize. If you can come in on Monday at five to begin, that would be perfect."

"Yes, I'll head over there straight after school. Once again, thank you, um…" I trail off realizing I forgot my own boss' name. _Great start Clare_, I scold myself.

Luckily he just chuckles on the other end. "Asher."

"Thank you Asher. I'll see you Monday"

"Looking forward to it Ms. Edwards."

I hang up the phone and let out the squeal that has been begging to be heard. And heard it was as a group of niners turns towards me with weird looks, but I couldn't care less. I've been dreaming about this internship ever since Mr. Simpson mentioned it to our whole journalism team. The local newspaper has graciously reached out to take in a high school journalism student for an internship. From what I heard, they had over thirty applicants from the local high schools in the area. And they picked _me_!

Still in shock, I put my phone into my bag and make my way, more like run my way, towards the front doors of Degrassi in search of the one person I'm most excited to tell. I quickly search for him knowing he promised to meet me by the front steps. But all I see are other random students. _Where is he?_ I ask myself before I hear my name called.

"Clare!" I turn towards the noise and there he is standing near a bench to the side of the school.

I race down the steps towards him, ignoring any strange looks thrown my way. "Eli! Eli! Guess what?" I ask right before jumping into his awaiting arms. He simply laughs under his breath.

"Clare," he chokes out. "I need to breathe." Oops, guess in all my excitement I pretty much squeezed the heck out of Eli.

I gently pull away. "Sorry. I'm just so excited! You won't believe who I just got off the phone with."

"A vampire?" He asks with a smirk on his face.

I roll my eyes. "No, Eli. Will you ever let that go?" He simply shakes his head with that same smirk before I continue. "I just got off the phone with an editor at _The Toronto Daily_. I got the internship!"

His eyes widen in surprise as his lips curl up into a grin. I'll never tire of seeing this happy look on his face. "Clare, that's fantastic! I mean, I knew you would get it. They'd have to be crazy not to give it to you. I may have had to run a car into their building if they chose someone else." We both laugh.

"I thought we agreed on no more car crashing," I tell him playfully.

He shrugs. "A guy needs some fun in his life."

"Hmmm, well I think I can offer you a much better alternative Mr. Goldsworthy." I bring my hands up to grab the collar of his blue Degrassi polo.

His hands come down to rest in their usual place on my waist as his mouth turns into his signature smirk I have come to know and love. "What did you have in mind?"

I can't help but smile at the memory those words trigger in my mind and eagerly play along. "Well, I don't know…" I trail off as I tug his head lower towards mine and brush my lips against his. This right here, this is what I missed for so long while Eli and I were separated. I've missed the feel of his arms encircling my waist making me feel safe and secure. I've missed the way his eyes light up whenever he sees me. I've missed feeling his lips against mine. I've even missed that dumb smirk of his that just about drives me crazy, not that I would ever complain though.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispers after resting his forehead on mine.

I simply blush under his gaze. "Thanks."

"You never cease to impress me Clare."

I look up at him, both slightly embarrassed and joyful. "Really?" I ask him quietly.

He nods as he grabs one of my hands and leads me towards the bench where he sits before bringing me down to rest on his lap with one arm around my waist and the other leading toward our now intertwined hands where my gaze has wandered.

He looks up at me "You impressed me when you skipped class that first day we actually hung out." He lifts his head to plant a soft kiss to my temple. "You impressed me when you wrote that letter to your parents." His lips wander to cheek. "You impressed me when you were confident enough in our feelings and connection to confront me about it although I wasn't exactly welcoming of it at the time." He then quickly gives my nose a kiss. "You impressed me when you set off the stink bomb." We both lightly chuckle at that memory as he lifts our joined hands to graze his lips over my knuckles. "You impressed me with how you handled the Vegas Night incident." He rests his lips on my shoulder. "You impressed me with how strong you stayed through all the stuff going on with your parents while simultaneously dealing with finding out about my hoarding." He changes his routine and loosens his hand from mine in order to cup my cheek. I'm sure he can feel how much I am blushing through the intense amount of heat that is most likely radiating from my skin. He seems to notice this as he gives me a quick smirk. "I would go on, but I think you might just melt." I swat his hand away from my face playfully.

"You're not _that_ great, Eli."

"And you're not that great at lying, Clare." He fires back. I've missed our banter.

I interlock my hands behind his neck. "I've missed you." We both know I'm not referring to the few hours since lunch.

"I know how you feel," he says. I smile at him.

"Walk me home?" I ask. He nods his head as we both get off the bench and turn towards the direction of my house.

He grabs my hand as we begin walking and looks down at me. "Congratulations again, Clare. I really am proud of you."

I grin up at him. "Thanks. I can't wait to start on Monday. I keep thinking about how amazing it will be to work with all the writers and editors and just be in that atmosphere." I pause as I feel my excitement at the future. "I don't know, I just have this feeling that this really will be a life changing experience for me."

**That concludes Chapter 1. Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. I will try and update as soon as I can. Please feel free to leave me reviews as they truly are the best motivator and I greatly appreciate them. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there lovely readers! First off, I just want to thank all of you sincerely for all the story/author alerts, the favorite story/author adds, and of course your oh so kind reviews. You guys seriously rock my socks! :) Unfortunately, I've been feeling a little, well more like a lot, under the weather recently so I was unable to update as quickly as I would have liked. So my apologies for that. I promise once I feel better the updates will come much quicker. :) This chapter is a bit of a filler chapter just to catch a glimpse of Eli. Once Clare starts at her internship, the plot will pick up in pace. Anyways, I shall let you get to reading! Please enjoy! :)**

Damn, you'd expect a guy would learn eventually. You'd expect he would turn the other way when he saw her coming after destroying what they had once. You'd expect him to acknowledge that he has caused her pain. You'd expect him to acknowledge that she wasn't perfect in the relationship either. You'd expect he would know not to fall for her all over again.

But what you would expect is not what actually tends to happen. He doesn't turn the other way; instead, he is pulled to her by some imaginary force he himself cannot comprehend. He knows they both made decisions and mistakes neither are proud of, but surprisingly he overlooks that. And just as you would not expect, he fell for her all over again. _I _fell for her all over again.

Except this time it was so quick that I had no chance to control what was happening. It was so quick that I have this prevalent thought in my mind that suspects I never let go of her as someone I love to begin with.

Damn, I've missed her. I've missed her smile. I've missed the way she bites her lip when her mind is in overdrive. I've missed the way she is so passionate about writing. I've missed her caring, warm energy. I've missed those blue eyes that have this ability to be so captivating that I may just walk straight into a pole as we walk toward her house.

"We have arrived, my lady."

"Thank you for escorting me, my knight in shining armor." She smiles up at me as she plays along.

"Anything for the fairest of them all."

A light hint of a blush forms on her cheeks. "I thought that title belonged to Fiona?" she asks as we both remember Adam's words from what seems like ages ago.

I shake my head. "You thought wrong." And before she has a chance to say anything, I capture her lips with mine. Damn, have I mentioned how much I've missed this girl? "I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

She nods. "Mhmm. That sounds lovely."

I smile down at her before touching my lips to her forehead. Against my will, she pulls away and heads into her house.

I make my way back to my own place and am immediately bombarded by Cece.

"Did Clare get the internship?" She asks from her place on the couch watching whatever it is she tends to happen upon.

"Hi, Mom. Your son is doing great. He had a great day. Just in case you were wondering." I laugh.

She gives me this look that I've learned translates to something along the lines of "Don't be a smartass."

I sigh. "Yes, Mom. She got the internship. They called before we left school. She starts on Monday."

I might not be too sure, but I think Cece just squealed. "I'm so happy for her! You'll have to invite her over soon so I can cook her a celebratory dinner."

My minds travels to the seemingly countless awkward conversations that have taken place when my parents and Clare happen to be in the same vicinity. "Yeah, I think I'll pass. But thanks for the offer."

"Elijah Goldsworthy. You are inviting her to dinner."

I want to refute with an objection to her plan, but this particular look she is giving me I've learned translates to something along the lines of "Disagree with me and you'll be looking for a new place to live."

"Fine, I'll ask her tomorrow." I mumble in reply.

"Great. That's more like my baby boy. Speaking of this son of mine, how are you?" She laughs at her own words.

"You're impossible."

"But I'm your mother and therefore, you love me. It's a blessing."

I just smirk in reply before heading upstairs to my room. My _clean_ room. Well, as clean as a teenage boy's room can be. How could I ever have forgotten or let go of Clare knowing that the only reason this room is clean to begin with is because of her persistent efforts to help me overcome these obstacles? I owe her and I plan to spend as much time as I have in making it up to her.

I take a seat in front of my laptop and get back to writing the play that I've unfortunately been forced to work on with Becky. Simpson's dumb idea. Our writing styles conflict considerably, plus we are completely different personality wise. I came up with this idea to spin _Romeo and Juliet_ into _Romeo and Jules_. Two male leads. It's probably the strongest piece I've come up with yet, if I may say so myself. Becky however seems to have an issue with the play depicting an alternative lifestyle she refuses to support. Her words, not mine.

And you would expect Adam would realize it's not the best idea to get close to someone like her considering everything he has been through. But we've already been over this. What you expect to happen is not what actually does.

And with that thought, I bring my hands to rest on the keyboard and type.

**And what Clare expects to happen at her internship may not be what actually does as most of us are already aware. I hope you liked this chapter and I promise you my dears that the next chapter will come quickly and with more plot development. Please leave reviews if you'd like. They make me feel like a child on Christmas morning! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello lovely people! :) So luckily I'm almost over this cold of mine so I'm going to be able to update much quicker for you guys. A huge huge huge thank you to all you reviewers and readers out there. You guys are so awesome! So here is chapter three. I hope you guys enjoy! :)**

I have come to the conclusion that I seriously have the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

"You guys…" I trail off.

Alli rolls her eyes jokingly as she smiles. "We get it Clare. We're the two best people in the whole world and you love us. Tell us something we don't know."

Jenna's bubbly giggle sounds from next to Alli as she hands me a caramel macchiato – my favorite – along with a framed photo of the three of us when we were working on the school newspaper together. "For your desk. A cute personal touch so you remember us when you get all famous and win one of those newspaper award things."

I laugh. "It's only an internship. I'm not exactly anywhere near writing an article for the newspaper itself, let alone an award. But seriously, you guys are amazing. Thank you." I embrace them both.

Alli is the first to pull away. "Okay okay. Stop stalling Clare. Now go! We expect full details tomorrow. Good luck! You'll do great."

I flash them both a grateful smile before turning away from our lockers and towards the front of the school. I put both of their gifts in my purse. In just about an hour, I'll start my internship at _The Toronto Daily_. This has been what I've worked hard towards these past few years. An actual position at a newspaper. Just one more step forward in my quest to become a journalist. But what if I don't fit in? Or what if I find that journalism is not something I can succeed at? Then what? I haven't been planning for anything else. Working at a newspaper is all I've ever wanted. I'm beyond excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm getting this feeling that that slice of pizza from lunch is potentially making its way back up –

"Breathe." I look over to where the sound came from. He lays his hand on the small of my back. "Take a breath, Clare." I do as he says, not having realized I was holding it in to begin with. He leads me over to lean against some lockers as he stands in front of me. "Better?"

I nod. "Yes, thank you. I'm just so nervous."

He smirks in reply and I realize he takes it as a reference to his unusually close proximity. Such an Eli thing to do. Smirk in response to just about everything. "Hi Eli, how are you?" Smirk. "Eli, you're an idiot." Smirk. "Eli, your taste in music makes my ears bleed." Smirk. "Eli, I'm thinking of shaving my head." Smirk. Ok maybe that last one was pushing it just a tad. But you get my point.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Goldsworthy."

"Make me, Edwards."

"I'd rather not be suspended thank you very much." I laugh as he raises one of his eyebrows in question. "You and I both know exactly what you wanted me to do to wipe it off and I'm obviously not going to do that so clearly you're going to keep that smirk on your face and we'll just keep going - "

"Clare?"

"Yes."

"Calm down. You're talking a mile a minute."

I take a breath. "I'm sorry. What I meant was that I'm starting to feel a little uneasy about this internship." I bite my lip and look up at him.

"What do you mean?" he inquires.

"What if I don't like it? What if I end up realizing journalism isn't for me? I have no other passions, no other goals. I'd be stuck, Eli."

He takes a second to weigh the words. "Your fears are justifiable, but we both know you're going to fall in love with journalism even more after this. If it's your only strong passion, then it's what you'll want to do. You've never gave up on anything, Clare. If anything, you put more effort into things you feel invested in. You won't let yourself not like it. Trust me."

How is it that he knows exactly what I need to hear? I close my eyes and exhale. "Thank you," I whisper up at him.

I feel his fingers brush mine before giving them a quick squeeze and letting go. "Come on, wouldn't want you to be late on your first day now would we?"

I laugh up at him. "Don't know how to make an even worse impression considering I forgot my boss' name while I was on the phone with him."

Eli laughs as he opens the door for me out of the school. "What is his name?"

"Asher."

I notice the strange silence that follows. "Eli, is something wrong?"

He snaps out of his daze and looks over at me as if he forgot I was there. "What? No, I just found it strange that he offered you his first name is all."

"How is that strange?"

"I'm not sure. I just felt a little surprised at it."

I sigh a little as I realize that this part of Eli will never change. This overprotective side of him. Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel giddy and protected knowing he will go to great lengths to ensure my safety. But sometimes, he pushes too much.

"Eli Goldsworthy, I'll be fine. Don't try to find something wrong when there is nothing wrong."

He nods quickly. "I know and I'm sorry." He reaches for my hand as we're walking. "Can't help it. Wasn't it you who once said that worrying about someone comes from caring about them?"

"Maybe?" I mumble knowing he got me there.

He just lets out a laugh. "I really like you ergo I care about you. This gives me full leave to worry about you as well."

Let me just take a moment to mention that the fact that he used _like_ as opposed to _love_ did not go unnoticed. Guess our time apart from each other really did change things for him. I've always had this feeling of adoration for him and no matter how hard I tried, it never went away. But I'm not going to expect too much from him. We are just starting to rebuild our relationship again. So I opt for changing the subject as I realize we are walking past a very familiar bench. "Hey Eli?" He looks over at me. "Up for some public embarrassment?" I nod towards the bench.

He laughs out loud. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget your scream. You just about gave everyone there a heart attack."

"Oh you liked it and you know it," I smile as I retort.

"That I did, Edwards. That I did."

Suddenly, I get an idea. "You never did have your turn…" I trail off as Eli walks away from me.

"Yeah, not my style." He repeats his words from that day as I walk towards his retreating face backing him straight into the same tree trunk.

Realizing the position he is in, he immediately grabs my hands. "Care to do what you were too scared to do last time?" He smirks at me.

I gape at him in astonishment. "I was not scared."

"Oh really? Prove it, Edwards."

I raise myself up on my toes and mold my lips to his. As cliché and cheesy as it may sound, I feel a tingle run through my body form where our lips our connecting, moving together, to where our fingers are intertwined, and all the way down to my toes.

I'm the first to pull away as I sneak a glance at my watch. "Eli, I really am going to be late."

He sighs. "You're right. But just one more kiss?"

"No, Eli." He pouts. "That's what you get for calling me a coward."

"You play unfair."

I just laugh as I grab his hand and drag him along to the offices of _The Toronto Daily_ located down the street. When we finally get there, I take a deep breath and look over at Eli. "Wish me luck?"

He pulls me closer to him and rests his forehead on mine. "I know you won't need it, but good luck beautiful."

I smile at him before turning and quickly entering the through the glass doors. I am immediately greeted with a constant stream of voices, phones ringing, fingers typing out what I know to be journalistic genius, footsteps moving here and there. I take a deep breath and soak it all in. All my anxiety from before has left as all I feel is eagerness to begin.

"May I help you?"

I look to my left and notice a woman sitting behind a greeting desk. "Y-yes, sorry. I'm Clare Edwards. I'm here for the internship."

She smiles knowingly. "Welcome, Ms. Edwards. Mr. Rickman is in his office. Follow me if you please."

I walk with her wondering if this Mr. Rickman is the Asher I spoke with on the phone. We stop in front of an open office where a very evident plaque on the door answers my question. _Asher Rickman_. I take a breath before I enter and am face to face with a man looking to be in his mid to late twenties. He has thick dark brown eyebrows that match his dark brown hair. He is dressed in a black suit with a light blue dress shirt underneath.

"This is Ms. Edwards." The lady gestures over to me before walking out. I smile at him as he looks up at me with his large, but welcoming eyes.

"Hello, Ms. Edwards. Welcome to _The Toronto Daily_."

"Thanks. I've only had a glimpse of all of this," I look outside his office. "But it all seems so exciting."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. Please have a seat."

I quickly sit in the chair across from his and put my purse in my lap. Deciding it might be a good idea to impress him considering he is my future boss, I go into a tiny monologue. "I just want to thank you so much for the opportunity. I've been working hard on Degrassi's newspaper, but that is nothing compared to all this. I love the variety of staff you have on your team. It always seems as if each article offers me a different perspective."

He smiles at me. "It's always a good thing when someone coming into the newspaper likes what we can offer so that's great. Now, I have this sheet of tasks and responsibilities you will most likely encounter on the job. You'll be working with me for the majority your internship basically as my right hand man, well woman." We both laugh. "Don't worry, I'm not the kind of jerk who will demand you to pick up his laundry or make a million copies, but my coffee is very important to me so expect that to be a task you'll be familiar with." My mind is immediately drawn to the caramel macchiato waiting untouched in my purse.

"Actually, I may already have that covered." I reach into my bag and pull it out for him. "Here." I slide the cup over to his side of the table.

He looks over at me as he takes a sip. "I'm impressed. You're off to a great start, Ms. Edwards. Now if you'll come with me, I'll give you the grand tour."

He stands up and walks over to me as I stand out of the chair. "Sounds good, Mr. Rickman."

"I thought we've been over this. Call me Asher."

I just nod at him, but let me just take a moment to mention that the fact that the receptionist referred to him as Mr. Rickman and the fact that he wants me to call him Asher did not go unnoticed.

**And there you have it. I am so excited for what I have planned and where I see this story going so stick with me and you will not be disappointed. :) Thanks for reading! And if you leave me a review, I will be over the moon! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my darlings! First and foremost, I am so grateful to all of you for the response to this story. You guys are the best readers a girl could ask for and I can only hope you continue to like it! Thank you once again to all you reviewers who never cease to put a smile on my face and motivate me to keep going and updating. I cannot express my gratitude enough. :) Anyways, I actually really like the way this chapter turned out and I hope you do too. So please, as always, enjoy! :)**

"And this is your desk. Sorry it's not much and it's a little off on its own, but it's in close proximity to my office which is the most important thing." Asher glances over at me as we arrive at what is to be my future makeshift office at the newspaper.

The dark wooden desk is not too large, but has the essentials already: a computer, paper, pens, stacks of sticky notes. I smile at the sight. It's exactly what I need. However, it is in a room off to the side, away from all the hustle and bustle of the offices which is what I wanted to experience the most throughout all this. Oh well, guess I'll have to find random excuses to walk about and take all that in.

"It's great. Thank you." I respond to him.

"The computer is password protected, but considering you are a part of the team now, I guess I can offer it to you." He winks at me. Asher just _winked_ at me. Asher just _winked_ at me, Clare Diane Edwards. The only person allowed to wink at me is Elijah Goldsworthy. That's it. And heaven stop me before I inform Asher of that fact.

I let out a nervous cough. "Umm…okay. Thanks."

"Whenever you want to log on to the server, regardless of which computer you are using, the password will be 'write at TTD' using the 'at' symbol and capital letters for _The Toronto Daily's_ abbreviation. Clear?"

My mind is still on the wink so I'm sure that my face was one of complete puzzlement. Asher laughs. "A lot of information all at once, I understand. Here come on over to your new desk and we'll sign you in."

I shake my head to bring myself back to the task at hand. _Focus Clare. This is what you've been working towards. Stop letting your thoughts wander to things that mean nothing._ But that's just the thing. What boss winks at their employee? Before I even, get a chance to answer my own question, I feel the faintest of a touch on my back and I am immediately aware of my surroundings and the fact that Asher's hand is now on my back, pushing me towards the computer. I immediately walk quicker to escape his touch. _Why am I so paranoid? I'm beginning to act like Eli. There is nothing wrong with this situation. I'm reading way too much into everything._

I take a seat in the small, but comfortable office chair and shake the mouse to wake up the screen. I am immediately requested to enter a password. I place my hands at the keyboard. "So it was 'write at TTD' with the 'at' symbol?"

Asher, who is now standing behind my chair, affirms my question. I type out the password and am directed towards a home screen with random folder icons and a background of the newspaper's logo. For a brief moment I forget all my paranoia from before. Must have just been my anxiety at this being too good to be true. This is so great that I'm just worried something is going to be horribly wrong. But finally sitting behind my own desk and having my own official computer with the newspaper's files on it makes everything that much more real and tangible to me. I can actually have all this.

"So this folder right here," Asher begins to talk while reaching his arm over my shoulder to point at said folder, "refers to all the articles that are currently being worked on for our next issue. All the computers connect to one server so the documents are all shared." I just nod my head trying to remember all that he is throwing at me. "And then this folder," he has to reach further to the side to point to the folder being referenced that his arm briefly brushes my shoulder, "is what you'll be working with the most. It contains all my documents. So, it has articles that I'm currently working on or documents that need to be e-mailed out to all the employees, things like that."

It occurs to me that Asher really does not have a clue about people wanting their own personal space. Maybe I'm just strange, but I like for people not to invade my own little imaginary bubble. Wishing to hurry up this part of the tour, I quickly nod my head. "Got it. Thanks for showing me around. When do I actually get to begin working on things?"

He steps away and walks back over to the other side of my desk. "Tomorrow, you'll go ahead and get started with replying to my messages and e-mails, making some copies here and there, small things like that. Hopefully, if all goes well and you fit in with the newspaper, I can show you the ropes on how to write and edit articles that mold with our vision for the paper. Does that sound good?"

What Asher just proposed sounds like a dream come true. I eagerly nod my head. "That sounds perfect. Thank you so much. I seriously cannot wait to begin."

He gives me a large grin. "Great. So you can go ahead and head out for the day. I know it was a lot thrown at you at once, but please be back tomorrow at the same time so you can officially start."

"I will be here. Thanks again. You've been so helpful."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Just doing my job, Ms. Edwards."

I smile at him as I get up from my seat and walk towards the doors and outside. I won't deny that Asher's invasion of my personal space makes me a tad uncomfortable, but it is so not worth me bringing up and potentially losing my internship for. I can deal with a little less personal space if it means working at a real newspaper and hopefully having a future there. Asher had said that he would teach me how to do his job. To write and to edit. I can't imagine anything better than that. To make a career doing something that I am so passionate about. Eli was right. All my fears of this not working out were so nonsensical. Of course I would love working at a newspaper and Asher really did make me feel like a part of the team as he introduced me to various writers and got me familiar with where everything is located in the building. There is no doubt in my mind that I am going to enjoy working at _The Toronto Daily_.

I sneak a glance at my watch and realize that Eli is probably still at rehearsal so I make my way back to Degrassi. I pull at my cell phone and dial Alli's number. It rings a few times before she picks up and I am greeted with a constant stream of giggles and laughter.

"Hello?" Alli manages to let out between her fits of giggles.

"Alli? What's going on?" I ask her with a smile on my face pretty sure of what is happening on the other end of the line.

"Clare, hold on just a second." There is a pause, followed by some more laughter before I finally hear Alli's voice again. "Dave, stop. I want to hear about Clare's first day at her internship. Can you stop tickling me?" And at that my suspicions are confirmed. Anyone close to Alli knows how ticklish she is and can I just how adorable I think it is that Dave does whatever he can to ensure there is a smile on her face? I'm really happy for her. He seems to treat her much better than any other guy she's been with.

"I can call back later." I laugh.

"No!" she immediately retorts. "Dave stopped and is focused on some basketball game going on. Anyways that's not important. Tell me everything!"

This is why Alli is such a great friend. She always wants to be happy with you and is always there to join you when you're down. She really takes on your emotions and makes them her own. I don't know how I lived without her for a few months back then. So I immediately go into a detailed description of everything. From the office layout to my responsibilities, not one detail is left unnoticed.

"Oh my gosh, Clare! That sounds amazing. I am really happy for you. How did you like your boss? Did you get along with him well?"

I take a second to pause and think. "He's very helpful and a genuinely kind guy, but I don't know, he kind of makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes."

I can immediately sense Alli tense. "What do you mean by that?"

I quickly feel horrible for ruining all our joy by mentioning it so I try and backtrack. "Oh, nothing. He just has no clue what personal space is." I laugh. "And you know me, I like my space so it was just weird being around someone who I barely know and being so close to him. But it's fine. I didn't mind it too much."

"Oh, I see what you mean. Well Clare, if you start to get really uncomfortable with it, voice your opinion. You shouldn't be uneasy at your own work space."

"I'm not. Trust me, it's totally fine. I just wanted to throw it out there. But anyways, I am beyond excited to get started Alli. It really seems like things are starting to work out, you know?"

Alli laughs on the other end. "Well you deserve it Clare. I'm glad you're happy." There is a quick pause before I hear Alli groan. "Clare, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to go. Dave's dumb butt just spilled soda on my parents' rug. They are going to kill me. But not before I kill him."

I hear Dave say something on the other end by can't make out what it is. I just laugh at how those two are such a married couple. "Yeah, no problem. Good luck! See you tomorrow."

"Bye! Love you!"

"I love you too." I say before hanging up the phone.

After a few more minutes of walking, I find myself in front of Degrassi. I open the doors and walk towards the theatre where I hear a lot of loud voices that somehow remind me of when my parents used to argue. I hesitantly open one of the doors leading into the theatre knowing full well how Eli and Becky do not get along at all. Sure enough, there they are arguing over what seems to be a dialogue between Tristan and Tori.

"He's following the script. There was no reason to stop the scene." I hear Eli frustratingly state.

"I have a problem with the words here. You can't just go write this without consulting me first."

Eli looks up at the ceiling in aggravation. "Oh for the love of -"

"Eli?" I throw out hoping to distract him from saying anymore. His head immediately snaps towards my voice and I walk over to him. He quickly relaxes and lets a tiny smile make its way onto his face.

"Hey," he states as I get closer to him. He looks around. "Okay everyone, take five. We'll rehearse the scene again when we get back."

"We're not done here. I still think we need to change the play. We're supposed to be working on this together and I can't support this kind of material." Becky exclaims.

I stop when I get next to Eli and his words make me smile. "Becky, as much as I would love to stay and argue, all I want is five minutes with my girl." He grabs my hand with a smirk on his face and leads me towards an isolated set of chairs off to the side of the theatre.

He takes a seat in the chair next to mine and immediately asks, "How did it go?"

"Eli, it was truly amazing. I mean just being in that atmosphere is more than I thought it was. I really felt like I belonged there you know? Just around a bunch of other writers. Everyone's energy bouncing off each other. I'm really happy with it." After Alli's reaction to how I mentioned Asher sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable, I realize it is better to just leave that out of my description for Eli. Wouldn't want to worry him for no reason considering he already has so much on his hands with this production.

He squeezes my hand and gives me a real grin. "And I love to see you happy. See? I told you there was no reason to get worried about liking it or not. There was no way you couldn't."

I smile at him. "Guess you know me better than I know myself."

He smirks in response before leaning his head toward me and touching his lips to mine. Before I even get a chance to reciprocate his kiss, we hear a bunch of commotion and what seems to sound like a plate breaking. Eli immediately looks in the direction of the noise and notices a ladder has fallen and landed on a vase on the set. He lets out a sigh. "This is getting to be ridiculous."

I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You can handle it."

He throws me a doubtful glance. "I'm not too sure about that."

I laugh. "Oh come on Eli. You once told me to let you handle a full on war with Fitz. Are you telling me that you can't handle this? You may just have disappointed me." I joke with him.

He gapes at me. "Well, I wouldn't want that. Guess it's back to rehearsal and cleaning up everyone's mess for me then." He lets go of my hand as he stands up. "Thanks for coming by though. Seeing you always makes me feel better." He leans down and gives me a quick peck on the lips before walking towards the scene of the accident trying to figure out exactly who broke what.

I just laugh to myself before walking out of the theatre and making my way back to my house. Note to self: Get license as soon as is humanly possible. All this walking is going to kill my feet.

**And that concludes chapter 4. Yay! I hope you liked it and I can't wait to update next for you guys. Please feel free to leave me a review as they make me giggle more than when Dave tickles Alli. See you soon! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Degrassi Premiere Day my lovely readers! :) In order to celebrate the beginning of a new and fabulous season, I have updated for you all. My apologies for the late update. I have been a tad overwhelmed with exams, work, and basketball tournaments. But this is a longer chapter than the rest so I hope that somewhat makes up for it. I sincerely hope you all enjoy this chapter as it really sets up what we are all building up to. Thank you for reading my dears and I hope you all enjoy! :)**

I feel exhausted.

All I want is to grab some warm tea and curl up under a blanket while reading _Pride and Prejudice_ for the hundredth time. But unfortunately, that is impossible. I still have another hour before my shift ends and Asher requested I send out just about a million e-mails while simultaneously making some copies, delivering packages to whichever employee they are addressed to, and bringing him coffee at various intervals. I've never been one to shy away from a little hard work so having all this on my plate is right up my alley. But having to deal with this while also having that annoying voice in the back of my head sound the alarm every time Asher does more to invade my personal space? Exhausting. To be honest, he continues to make little moves that make me uncomfortable. It could simply be holding my hand too long during a welcoming hand shake or it could be the way he sometimes watches me when I'm running around putting copies on various desks, but every fiber of my being is yelling at me that something is off with this whole situation.

But what exactly am I supposed to do about it? Asher is my boss. Asher is my boss who happens to be a little too touchy-feely for my liking. That is fact. But why exactly is my mind making it such a big deal? He has not done anything inappropriate towards me or anyone else in the office. On the contrary, people seem to really enjoy working for him. I can understand that. He is very attentive to his writers and staff. I always catch him walking around asking who needs assistance and more often I observe writers requesting a private meeting with him in his office to go over whatever article they are working on. Never once have I hear him reject his staff. And that is something I really respect in my boss.

The sound of footsteps behind me fetches me back to the present and away from my wandering thoughts. I look up from the stack of copies I've been stapling together and smile up at my boss. I've noticed he responds well to positive attitudes as opposed to negative energy. Who wouldn't?

"Clare, I've been looking for you. What are you up to?

I glance down at the papers before me. "I just finished copying the meeting agenda for the staff meeting Friday and am now stapling those reports that you wanted to hand out."

He flashes me a smile. "Perfect. I've been watching you today and it seems like you adapted to how things work around here pretty quickly. I knew picking you out of the other applicants would be a good choice."

Not one for flattery, I glance down and give a shy smile. "Well, thanks. I'm just excited to be here and everyone has been really welcoming so fitting in was easy." Which is true. All the staff I've encountered have been nothing but friendly whenever I've interacted with them. When I think about how Asher had mentioned me learning from him and perhaps being at the paper longer than the internship is planned for, I realize how I would love to work in this atmosphere with these specific future coworkers. A girl could not ask for a better work environment. Well maybe one with a boss who understands personal space, but I'll take what I can get.

"I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, my staff is simply the best group of workers to manage. Anyways, your shift ends in about an hour, but I was wondering if you could come to my office when you're done with these reports? There are some things I want to run by you."

I eagerly nod my head. "Yes, of course." I sneak a glance at the stack before me. "I can be there in about ten minutes. This shouldn't take too long."

Asher gives me a quick smile before returning the way he came. I wonder what exactly it is he wants to discuss with me. It can't be anything bad considering he just praised how hard I've been working. As I continue to staple the reports together, I feel my phone send a quick vibration down my leg from its resting place in the pant pocket.

Always feeling a little uneasy about using cell phones at work, I glance around and realize that for the most part, I'm alone in this vicinity. I quickly glance and see what my notification is. As soon as I read it, a huge grin appears across my face. It is a text from none other than Eli requesting that I join him for some frozen yogurt after my shift today. He finished rehearsals earlier than usual. Poor guy must have had a pretty hard time arguing with Becky for him to have cut it short. I've seen Eli direct and he likes to use up any amount of rehearsal time he can get. I type out a quick reply that he meet me in front of _The Toronto Daily_ considering one my favorite places is right down the street from here, near a very familiar bench.

After a few minutes, I finish the reports and take the stack with me to Asher's office. I give a quick, tentative knock on his open door. He looks up at me from his place in front of the computer screen. "Clare, please have a seat."

I walk in and sit in the comfy chair across from him. "Here are the reports you asked for," I state as I put the stack on his desk.

"Thank you." He leans back in his chair with much more informal posture than he normally displays. "So how do you like it here so far?"

"I absolutely love it. Just being in this atmosphere has really introduced me to the inner workings of journalism. I've noticed how some writers take breaks from their articles at certain intervals while others just write out everything in their mind until they are through. It is really great to learn different strategies and I also love being behind the scenes and seeing how the newspaper is able to better prosper."

Asher looks at me with an impressed look on his face. "And you're a junior in high school?"

"Yes," I say tentatively curious as to where that random question came from.

"You are quite mature for your age. It feels as if you could work with any of the experienced staff here and not have much trouble with that."

Again with the flattery. I give him a smile and my thanks.

"I know it's only your second day, but I really think that if things continue to go well, we could be building a strong relationship here."

My smile immediately falters. _Relationship?_ What exactly does he mean by that? "Excuse me?" I ask him with my eyebrows furrowed together.

"Your relationship with the newspaper and its staff."

My eyes widen in realization. "Oh! Well, I would really like that." I mentally kick myself for immediately going to that place of paranoia. I swear half the time I feel like I'm making all this discomfort with Asher up in my mind.

"As would I. Now before you go, I need you to sign this. It's the official internship contract." He slides a paper over to me and sets a pen in front of me. There is way too much fine print on this thing.

"So what does it say exactly?" I ask him.

"Just about the duties and responsibilities we went over, along with the length of the internship and details about it. Basically, if you sign here, you are agreeing to stay the full length of the internship."

I immediately grab the pen. "If that's the case, then I have no issue signing this," I laugh.

I slide the paper back over to him. "Okay then, you are free to go for the day."

I sneak a glance at the clock on the wall. "I still have about half an hour to my shift," I acknowledge.

"Don't worry about it. You've worked hard today. I can cover for you. Go home early. I'll see you tomorrow," he states with a grin on his face.

I reciprocate with my own smile as I thank him before leaving his office and walking back to my desk to grab my things. I bend forward over my desk to log myself out of the computer before grabbing my bag and walking out. I pull out my cell phone to call Eli, but me being the klutz I am allow it to slip out of my hands. I crouch down to pick it up and notice a pair of shoes right where my phone is. I look up and see Asher smiling and me with a humorous look to his eyes. "Dropped something?" He asks me.

_No, I just enjoy crouching down randomly in the middle of a hallway for the fun of it. _Instead of opting for that sarcastic remark, I go for the truth. "My phone." I state before going to grab it.

"Allow me," I hear him say before he crouches down to my level and grabs the phone.

Hesitatingly, I look up at him to give a quick thanks, but realize our faces are much too close for my comfort. I reach out to grab my phone from his hands before standing back up. "See you later," I mumble before rushing out of the building.

That right there set off an alarm along the caliber of a nation having a terrorist warning. My flight or fight response definitely kicked in and as I normally do, I choose flight. I hate that about myself sometimes. I rarely face my issues head on. Instead, I run from them. Of course, I'm referring to the principle of it, not specifically this Asher stuff because it is not an issue. My boss just gets too close sometimes. That is fine with me. I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize my internship here anyways.

I walk out the doors getting ready to dial Eli's number when I look up and see him already standing there, with a huge grin on his face. I immediately mirror that look on mine before running towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hey," I hear him state softly.

"Hey to you too," I respond as I pull back. "How was rehearsal?" I look up at him with a worried look on my face.

He lets out a sigh. "Tristan is so nervous he keeps forgetting his lines. Dave feels uncomfortable in his role. There is not a day that goes by without something breaking on set. And of course, there is Becky who just never ceases to voice her opinion."

I quickly grasp his face in mine and look him straight in the eyes. "I have faith in you," I tell him. "You once told me that if I loved journalism, then this internship would work itself out and it has. Now I want to return the favor. You love writing plays and directing them. Because of that, this production will work itself out."

He gives me a shy smile. "You're right."

Deciding to break a little of the tension, I respond, "I always am, aren't I?"

Eli laughs. "Well I wouldn't stretch the truth _that_ far…" He trails off.

I playfully smack his shoulder. "Ouch!" He feigns pain as he grabs his shoulder. "You're going to pay for that Edwards."

I slowly back away from him. "Oh no! I'm so scared." I sarcastically state as I giggle at our interaction taking place.

"You should be," he states and before I even have a chance to escape Eli rushes to grab me from behind and begins to tickle my mid section and my sides.

"Eli!" I squeal between giggles. I can't help but realize this is very similar to the scene I observed between Dave and Alli yesterday. If I remember, I referred to them as somewhat of a married couple. "Stop!" I gasp for air, but Eli does not cease his tickling.

"No can do Edwards."

"Please!" I laugh out.

"Alright, alright." He states as he rests his hand on my stomach. "I'm stopping." He gives me a quick squeeze from behind.

I rest my hands on his. "Thank you."

I feel his lips brush my neck before he mumbles, "You're welcome."

"And who might this be?" I look up as I recognize Asher's voice. He is walking down the steps towards us.

I immediately straighten up and step to Eli's side. I notice he gives me a strange look, but directs his attention back to Asher.

"Mr. Rickman, this is Eli, my boyfriend. And Eli, this is Mr. Rickman, my boss at the internship." I realize it would be better to just call him by his last name before Eli expresses concern over that again.

"How many times have we been over this? Call me Asher." He extends an arm towards Eli and Eli quickly shakes it before they both bring their arms back to their sides. It did not go unnoticed how quick of an interaction that was compared to when Asher offers me a hand shake.

I can sense the awkwardness just about dripping from this interaction. "Well, we're on our way to grab some dessert, but I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask him, hoping to end the conversation.

Asher shifts his focus from Eli back to me and give me a smile. "Yes, of course. See you then."

I immediately turn around, grabbing Eli's hand as I do so. We walk in silence for about a minute as I'm contemplating how…well, weird that exchange felt when it normally should have felt much more natural and relaxed.

"Clare?" I turn towards Eli. "You're probably going to get mad at me for saying this, but something is off with that Asher guy."

I let out a long sigh. Eli must have noticed or picked up something that I've been picking up for the past few days. But the last thing I want is for Eli to worry because when Eli gets protective, it honestly consumes him. And I know he is in a better place than when we first dated, but I still don't want to overstress him considering he is already pretty overwhelmed with the production as it is.

"I don't know what you're talking about. He's fine." I say in a pathetic attempt to drop the subject.

"It's just – his mannerisms around you, the way he looked at you. It reminded me of when Fitz was around."

"Eli, you can't seriously be comparing Asher and Fitz."

"I'm not comparing them. I'm just saying that the vibe I once got from Fitz when he was around you is the same vibe I'm getting right now."

"Look, I appreciated your concern, but –"

"Clare, don't be naïve."

Now I'm starting to get a tad agitated. "I am not naïve," I state with emphasis. "You're the one making full judgments about someone because of a 'vibe' you got from them." I made sure to put air quotes when I said vibe to emphasize my point.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." He stops walking and looks down at me. "I just want to make sure you're safe, that's all."

I give him a small smile. "I'm standing here in one piece after two days of work, right? I'm pretty sure I'm safe. But thank you for caring."

He flashes a quick smile before his mouth returns to a frown. "Eli…" I trail off.

"I just really didn't get a good feeling from the guy."

Much like on our first official date, I realize the only way to get Eli's thoughts in a cloudy mesh is to do what distracts him the most. I giggle to myself at my own genius before I lift myself up on my toes and connect our lips together.

After a few quick moments, Eli pulls away. "Stop trying to distract me, you little devil."

I ignore him as I grab his neck and force his lips down to my level. "No," I mumble before reconnecting our lips together in our own private moment of bliss.

**Aren't those two just adorable? The answer is yes. :) I hope you guys enjoy the premiere and if you would like to fangirl over it, my message box is always open for post premiere discussion! :) Thanks so much for reading and I can't wait to update next for you guys! Please feel free to leave me a review as they totally have me walking on sunshine! Until next time, see you soon wonderful people! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello there beautiful readers! :) I just want to take a moment to express my gratitude for all you who alerted/followed/reviewed this story. Seriously, nothing makes me smile like when I get a notification about you guys liking this story. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it! I've found that sometimes certain characters control where the story goes. Eli really wanted a say in some stuff so this chapter will be in his perspective. This chapter includes a conversation I really think Eli and Clare need to have and one I really wanted to give them. It is a bit of a fluff chapter and I wanted to have this before everything gets intense and dramatic. So please enjoy! :)**

I feel overwhelmed.

Not only do I have to direct a production that may be the deciding factor for whether or not I get into NYU, but I have to do that while simultaneously calming Tristan's nerves, helping Dave feel comfortable fitting into his role, dealing with those who are against the musical, checking in with Simpson, gathering enough people to help design the set, keeping up with schoolwork, making sure I take my medication, and, of course, worrying about Clare being in close proximity with that Asher guy.

If I was being honest, that last thing I mentioned probably is the one that nags at me the most. Call me an overprotective boyfriend if you want, I really don't care. All I care is that my Clare is safe. And the way he looked at her the other day when I went to pick her up…call it boyfriend's intuition or whatever you'd like, but I immediately felt the need to put that Neanderthal in his place. And it wasn't just him, it was Clare's mannerisms. Her posture, her tone of voice. I knew she felt uncomfortable.

But I know Clare, and she would not have been happy with me if I made a scene in general, let alone one involving her boss. So I've chosen to remain quiet about it the past few days and instead have put all my efforts into this production. A bunch of tone deaf high schoolers is definitely a distraction. Not my favorite or most preferred form of diversion, but a distraction nonetheless.

As if right on cue, I hear the theatre doors open. Rehearsal ended a while ago so that could only be one person coming in to find me. I look up from my spot sitting on the edge of the stage with a copy of _Romeo and Juliet _in one hand and a pen in the other ready to take notes only to make eye contact with my favorite and most preferred form of distraction.

"Hey," she calls out as she makes her way towards me.

I immediately feel a smile form on my face. "Hey." I respond as she comes to a stop in front of me. I immediately put the materials in my hands to the side before reaching for her waist. She steps forward and comfortably fits herself between my dangling legs before resting her hands on my thighs. "How was the internship?" I ask her.

She lets out a sigh. "I've seriously never been so exhausted in my life. There is always something to print, something to deliver, someone to talk to. I just want to sleep."

I frown at her statement. "You have that much of a workload?"

She nods. "And on top of that, Asher is always watching to make sure I'm on top of my work. I swear he's always looking over my shoulder. I just really want to impress him enough to maybe keep the position longer than the internship."

I kept my expression calm on the outside, but on the inside, I really felt the need to punch a wall. The way she describes him makes him sound like a creep who watches her every move. If he ever does anything to her, I swear there will be hell to pay.

It seems like all the therapy I went through to get to this spot all flies out the window the second I feel worried and concerned for Clare. Maybe this is what she meant by not wanting to be a trigger. I realize I need to get a hold of my emotions. As much as Clare is a priority, my health comes first. I can't be who she needs without being in a good place myself. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. "What do you mean by staying longer than the internship?" We've both been so busy with our separate projects that we haven't had much time for each other. I was hoping all that would change once I finish the production and her internship ends.

"I remember Asher telling me when I first started that if I continue to work hard and if I fit in well with the newspaper, he was going to show me the ropes around his own position. Maybe giving me a longer term position."

"Oh," I let out. Realizing she needs my support more than anything, I respond, "Well, I know how hard you work Clare. If Asher has a brain even the size of a raisin, he'll notice that."

She gives me a small smile. "Thanks."

I smirk in reply before tugging her closer to me. "Do I get a kiss for that one?"

She lifts her brow in thought. "Well, I _guess_ you deserve a tiny kiss…" she trails off.

I just laugh under my breath before I feel her lips touch mine. My eyes close as I breathe in her captivating scent. All my stress from before wares off. The things this one girl does to me. I feel her pull away much too early for my liking.

"Are we still on for Saturday night with your parents?" she asks.

I lightly groan knowing the abundant awkwardness that dinner will contain. "CeCe has been involved with nothing else but trying new recipes for you. They're pretty damn excited to see you. It's been a while."

She gives me a light smile. "I'm excited to see them too. I really do miss your parents. They've always been very kind to me." I smile at her in response. "How's everything going with all this?" she asks as she gestures towards the barely designed set.

"Everything would be going a lot better if it wasn't for the amount of hate the actors are getting."

Her eyes widen. "They're _still_ being bullied?"

I nod my head. "Dave just wants to quit, but he's too good a guy to drop everything after all this time. And Tristan has never had a problem with who he is, but I can feel the harassment getting to him as well."

"And you?" she asks in a whisper.

I glance down before looking up at her. "Nothing I can't handle. I just wish those stupid hockey guys would leave the production alone. All the harassment only slows everything down more."

I hear let out a quick sigh. "Eli?"

"Yeah?"

"I know why this production is important to you because of NYU, but _why_ is _this_ particular production so important? I mean, you're going through so much to keep it going. I guess I'm just wondering why all the hate hasn't affected your decision on what production to create."

"You think I should change it?" I ask her a little disappointed considering I'm overlooking all my discomfort with Asher to give her support.

Her eyes widen as she brings her hands to rest on either side of my face. "No! Not at all. I love what you're choosing to do. I think it's brilliant and it's definitely an Elijah Goldsworthy production. You made it your own just like I knew you would. But I also don't want to see you or anyone involved get hurt by what a bunch of hateful people think."

I release a deep breath and take my time formulating my answer. Not able to meet her gaze, I opt for glancing down at my lap. "I guess I know what it feels like to be in their position. To be bullied and to feel inadequate. Ever since my experience, I vowed to always stand up for those who are what I used to be. It's not like I had anyone helping me, as much as I would've liked someone to have been there. That's why I got so mad when Adam got bullied. And that's why I chose to take a risk with Tristan and make him the lead. I want to give people like him a voice. I just hope that all this isn't a mistake with all the riot its creating."

A few moments of silence follow before she speaks up. "Eli, Eli look at me." I lift up my gaze towards her blue eyes that seem overcome with emotion. She says the next words slowly. "I am so proud of you and I have never been more honored to be your girlfriend."

And how exactly am I supposed to respond to that? Words seem way too inadequate. I hop down from my seat on the stage and bring her body flush against mine. Overcome with my own emotions, I crash my lips onto hers much the same way I did at Adam's party not so long ago. I feel her tense for only a moment in surprise before she begins to reciprocate my kiss. I try wrapping my arms around her even more in a pathetic attempt to get even closer to her knowing the impossibility of it considering there is no space between us.

Everything about her is intoxicating. Her lips, her scent, the way she lightly rubs her fingers against my cheek. Against my better judgment, I bring my hands down to rest behind her thighs before lifting her up and wrapping her legs around my waist. I turn us around and set her down on the stage. Just as I'm angling my mouth to deepen the kiss, she pulls away.

"Eli," she breathes out. Immediately, I am brought back towards the present.

_Crap._ "I know, I know." I respond. "I'm stopping." I rest my forehead against hers as I feel her rapid breathing against my face.

After a few quiet moments, I hear her speak up. "I'm sorry."

I pull back away from her and furrow by brows together. "For what?"

Her flushed cheeks angle down as she grabs my hands in her lap. "I know you want more, I just –"

"Clare, don't be ridiculous. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost some control like that. How I feel about that remains the same from when we were first dating. I respect you, that hasn't changed."

She glances up at me. "Really?"

"Of course, Clare." I give her a quizzical look. "Where is this coming from?"

"It's just, well…with Jake…" she trails off.

Immediately my suspicions are confirmed. I'm not an idiot. I had a feeling her and Jake were probably more physical than her and I ever were. Our relationship has always been so deeply involved in the emotional aspect that the physical was never something we were concerned with. Plus, I know where she stands with that and I would never pressure her.

But exactly how far she went with Jake is my question. "With Jake…" I prod her.

I hear let out a deep breath. "I was so lost after my parents' divorce and us breaking up, I wasn't _me_. I thought I was ready, but now looking back I _know_ I was nowhere near ready. I'm still nowhere near ready."

"That's okay, Clare."

"It's why we broke up. Jake and I, I mean." She pauses as I think she's waiting for me to say something, but I'm a little at shock with this new information that I remain silent. Realizing I wasn't going to contribute anything she continues. "I found myself talking about how I wanted my first time to be with someone I could love forever. He wasn't very keen on the forever part. I don't blame him for that or anything. I was as confused with what I was saying as he was. He knew a different Clare than the one I was before him and the one I am now. The fact that I said that threw him off. We didn't…and then I broke it off with him."

"Wow." I mentally slap myself for that one. _Is that really all I can come up with? She basically just opened up to me about some pretty damn important information and all I say is 'wow'? _I attempt to articulate myself better. "I'm not going to hold any of that against you, you know that. It's not important to me. We both went through a lot after everything and we're back here. How we got here isn't what matters. It's the fact that we are here." Although if I was being honest, it did get to my jealous side that she was so…_intimate_…with Jake. Or well, tried to be.

"So you're not mad?"

I quickly shake my head. "There's no reason to be mad. And Clare, every relationship is different. We won't break up because of the same reason you and Jake did. Like I said before, being with you is worth the wait."

I see a smile slowly form on her face. "Thank you, Eli. I know it's not your favorite thing in the world, but thank you."

I gently kiss her forehead in response.

Her eyes wander to the book and pen I set down earlier. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your work."

"Eh, Shakespeare can wait." I respond.

"No, please go back to whatever it is you were doing. I'll just sit here and wait until you finish."

I give her a long look. "Okay," I state after a few moments before joining her on the stage. I sit in the same position as before and grab my materials ready to brainstorm different ideas for the production.

A few minutes into my work, I notice Clare shift beside me. Before I know it, her head finds its way into my lap as she lies down on the stage. Knowing how tired she is, I don't bother her with questions. Instead, I place my arm gently on her shoulder and twirl one of her curls in my fingers. I smile to myself before returning my attention back to the play while continuously playing with that same curl.

**These two make me so happy! :) I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter, we will return to Clare's perspective and the climax of the story is coming very, very soon so prepare yourselves. Please leave a review with your thoughts on this chapter. Everytime I read them, I swear it makes me as content as I'm sure Clare is at the end of this chapter. Until next time my dears. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello lovely people! Thank you so much for such a kind and generous response to the last chapter. I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it! It was very fun to write and I'm glad I included it because this chapter is definitely on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I don't want to spoil anything for you guys, so I won't say much. I took a lot of risks with this chapter and I truly hope you guys like it. I'm honestly still shaken up with what took place. As a writer, it is impossible not to feel what I'm writing. I hope that translates over to the best readers a girl could ask for. :) Thank you again for keeping up this story and please enjoy!**

I knew she was hurting and there was nothing I could do to help her. I felt so inadequate. We both knew she made the right decision, but Alli is still reeling with the effects of getting accepted into MIT and rejecting Dave. I look at the chocolate cake on her plate, untouched and I fear unwanted.

"Chocolate cake is a cure-all." I speak up after a few moments of silence.

Alli lets out a sigh. "It's just not fair. I should be happy, right? This is MIT we're talking about. Why aren't I happy?" she pleads with me for an answer.

I gently reach out across the table at The Dot to grasp her hand in mine. "Give it time. You went through so many things at once. Give your mind and emotions a chance to catch up."

"It's like I know that this is what I want. And I'm so excited to go, but it almost seems like this whole opportunity is somehow tainted by the circumstances I was in when it happened. What if I can't do my research and be happy because of all this?" I can sense the worry in her voice and what she just spoke is unfathomable to me.

"Nothing can take away your passion Alli."

"How do you know that?"

I pause for a moment. "I just do. Trust me on this one." I think back to what Eli told me when I was worried about my internship not working out. "If it's your strong passion, you'll fight for it."

"I hope you're right." She gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Thanks, Clare."

I nod my head. "You're strong," I remind her.

"Only thanks to having such strong people around me," she pauses for a brief moment. "Why do I feel the same way I did when my parents took me out of Degrassi? Clare, I don't want to lose our friendship when I go away. You're the best friend I could ever ask for."

"And that won't ever change," I assure her.

Alli gives me a quick smile before glancing down at her watch. "Time to get back to the lab for me."

"And time for me to get to my internship."

We both get up and walk out the door together. I give her a quick hug before parting ways and turning towards _The Toronto Daily _offices. Today is the first all staff meeting at the newspaper since my internship began. I've been doing nothing but helping Asher prepare for today's schedule. I walk towards the front steps and enter the office.

It's a tad more hectic than usual as most staff must finish their work a few hours early due to the meeting. I make my way towards my desk while saying a few greetings here and there to a few friendly faces. I notice a bunch of files on my desk along with a few fairly large stacks of paper in front of the framed photo Alli and Jenna gave me. As soon as I make it to my chair, I hear Asher speak up from the doorway.

"I'm swamped today and I feel a headache coming. Fact check all those files and sort all those copies in order by date." And with that he walks back out my office. He didn't even give me a chance to respond.

A little shocked at Asher's very uncharacteristic attitude and what just took place, I quickly grab the copies and begin sorting through them. His hasty energy definitely got my adrenaline pumping as I work as quickly as possible in order not to disappoint him. It seems like he has had one rough day to snap like that.

An hour later, I've worked through about a third of the files when I hear footsteps walking towards my desk. I look up and notice my boss' features for the first time that day. He really does look exhausted and stressed. His normally neat and clean appearance has been forgotten as a few of the top buttons of his dress shirt are undone and his tie remains loose around his neck.

"Have you finished yet?" He asks me.

I grab at the now sorted copies and hand the stack to him. "I've sorted all these by date as you asked and these files," I say as I grab the ones I've already went through, "have already been looked over. I have about two-thirds left." I softly and almost hesitatingly say the last words in fear he would be angry I haven't completed the tasks.

He doesn't say anything for a few brief moments. In fact, he just stares at me. I try to maintain eye contact to show I am confident in my work, but his gaze makes me uncomfortable and my eyes drop towards the work I still have to complete. His silence is unnerving and I feel my blush rise up in my cheeks. Realizing he wasn't going to say anything, I just grab at the next file and begin to work again.

I sneak a glance up at him and notice he is in the same position, holding that same gaze on me. Really starting to feel uneasy, I speak up. "I'll just get to work on the rest. I assure you I'll be done as quickly as possible." I offer up a small smile.

I see him give me a quick nod before actually speaking. "Work fast." And he steps back out of the office.

As soon as he is out of sight, I let out the breath I've been holding in and slump back in my chair. That has got to be, hands down, the most awkward and uncomfortable exchange I have ever been a part of. Out of all the long stares he's given me. Out of all the handshakes he held for just a little too long. Out of all the compliments he's given me. Out of all the invasions of my personal space. This last exchange with his silence and staring has sent the hairs on the back of my neck straight up. I feel the goose bumps slowly make their way onto my arms. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm my body down.

The all too often fight or flight response was trying to kick in as Asher was in my office. I had to ignore every part of me that was urging me to leave the situation. I open my eyes and land on the photo frame. I take in how happy my friends and I appear. What about now? Alli's been through a lot recently, Jenna's trying to rebuild her life after the adoption, and I'm stuck with a boss that I am honestly finally willing to acknowledge has something off about him.

Realizing I have only an hour before the meeting begins, I quickly refocus my thoughts back to the task at hand. The quicker I finish this, the quicker I get out of here. Luckily, fact checking comes pretty naturally to me since I did a lot of similar work for the newspaper back at Degrassi.

I finish with about fifteen minutes to spare. Part of me wants go let Asher know I finished so he maybe cuts me some slack. Just because he is stressed doesn't give him a right to take it out on his employees. But part of me thinks staying away from him is the best way to go. I fight the battle in my mind trying to decide what to do when fate decides to make my decision for me.

"Clare," Asher walks in looking much less stressed and frazzled. "Were you able to complete the work?"

A little confused by his small mood swing, I quickly nod my head and push the stack towards the other end of my desk. "Just finished."

"Perfect. Would you mind going into the conference room where the meeting will take place and put copies of those reports you made the other day in front of each chair?"

"Yes, of course." I stand up and make my way over to the door when I feel Asher's hand on my arm halting me.

He looks down and stares straight into my eyes. "Would you mind staying a little after the meeting today? I have a couple of things left to do and could really use some help with it."

I recall my desire to get out of here as soon as possible, but there was now way I was going to reject my boss after the way he's acted today. I quickly nod my head. "Yeah, sure."

I hear him take in a deep breath. "Thank you."

Something about the way he said it. His tone, the light huskiness in his voice make me want to get out of her as soon as I can. I tug my arm out of his grasp before walking towards the conference room.

I do what Asher asked and slowly more of the staff join me to get ready for the meeting. Asher is the last to walk into the room. He says his greetings before taking his place at the top of the table.

I sit in a chair on the opposite end of the table and take notes as Asher discusses the economic status of our company. He then goes into a discussion of what he wants our new monthly goal to be with how the articles are written and the topics that the journalists choose. For the most part, the meeting was interesting and I really learned a lot about the behind the scenes aspect of a newspaper. The business side was so much more complex than I had ever imagined. I've always been involved and focused on the writing that makes up a newspaper. Little did I know how much goes into the advertisements, business partners, and other things that bring revenue to allow the newspaper to prosper in a day and age where most people just use the internet.

The meeting lasts about an hour and my passion for journalism is, if possible, even more rejuvenated with being a part of a staff meeting. This internship has seriously reinforced my desire to be a journalist. I know for a fact this is what I'm going to do with my life. It's insane how God truly has a purpose for each and every one of us. Alli will be at MIT conducting research on breast cancer, Eli will be at NYU writing and directing the next big Broadway hit, and I'll be working more towards developing my experience and expertise as a journalist. This couldn't be more perfect.

I make my way out of the room as soon as the meeting ends and wait for Asher outside his office. I stand there with my purse hanging around my neck. After a few minutes, I notice him make his way towards me. The office is mainly empty except for us and a few stragglers grabbing their things before heading out.

"How did you like the meeting?" He asks as he nears me.

"I really enjoyed it. I was fascinated by how complex and significant the business side is. I've only ever known writing for a newspaper. It was interesting to see that aspect of this as well."

"There definitely is a lot more that goes into creating a newspaper than most people think. Wait right here for a moment." He walks into his office where I'm assuming he's grabbing whatever he needs help with.

I sneak a glance towards my watch and realize it's getting pretty late. I know my mom will probably worry that I'll be home when it gets dark. I quickly grab my cell phone and shoot her a text letting her know I'm caught up at the internship.

Just as I send the texts, Asher returns with a few papers in his hand. "I just wanted you to go over these articles with me and help me edit them."

My eyes widen in excitement and shock. "Really?" I ask him.

He chuckles and nods his head. "You seem really interested and I happen to enjoy your company, so why not?"

I lightly smile at him before joining him at a nearby desk. He pulls back the chair for me and grabs another for himself. He places the chair on my left a tad closer to me than I would have liked. I try to subtly shift away from him.

"This one is written by Alex. He normally writes opinion articles pertaining to politics."

I nod at him before eyeing the paper in his hand. I begin to read over the article when I notice Asher shift his body towards mine. He sets the paper down on the table. I look at him quizzically.

"Clare, I'd like to apologize for my behavior earlier. As you must have noticed from what I said in the meeting, a few of our business partners gave me hell today."

"It's not a problem," I respond quietly, trying to look anywhere but at him.

I feel him scoot in his chair closer to me. Feeling incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, I clear my throat. A few silent moments ensue.

"I really hope you weren't turned off by how I spoke with you."

_Turned off? Why would he phrase it like that?_ "Umm, no not at all. It's fine," I state awkwardly as I attempt to maneuver the conversation to focus on the article.

"So it had the opposite affect on you?" He asks me in a light voice.

My heartbeat rapidly increases and I swear it is about to escape the confines of my chest. I suck in a quick breath as I notice Asher moving his right hand towards me in my peripheral vision. I remain frozen, unable to move.

When his fingertips come into a slight, barely there contact with my face, I realize what is happening. But as much as I try to move, to make a sound in protest, nothing happens. It is as if I'm paralyzed. I'm trapped in my own body. Knowing what is about to happen, but realizing I'm unable to do anything to stop it.

His hand moves to touch my dangly earring. "These are really pretty," he states before bringing his hand to cup my cheek. I can feel his handprint burning and imprinting itself into my skin. I will myself to do something. I will myself to snap out of my paralysis. When I realize his face is inching itself towards mine, my body finds a way to react.

I lean back, my cheek escaping his hand. "Wh-what are you doing?" I ask him in as strong a voice as I can muster.

"Shhh," he responds. "Everything is fine."

_No, everything is not fine. Get out, Clare. Move. _I can almost hear Eli telling me this in his frantic, worried voice. Every second feels like an eternity. I can hear every heartbeat. I can recall every uncomfortable moment I've ever had around Asher. I can remember all the times my naïve self was convinced I was over thinking and paranoid. I can focus on the time Eli voiced his concern and I ignored him. All for what? To keep this internship. To keep my passion. And now, my denial at the obvious has me in a battle. I shut my eyes in a pathetic attempt to escape the situation. But this isn't a battle being waged in my mind. This is physical and movement is my only escape.

I detect a faint scent of Asher's cologne. I can hear the cars go by outside. I can feel my hands grasping the arms of my chair so tightly that I'm sure my knuckles have become white. I try and swallow, but realize my throat is uncharacteristically dry.

I open my eyes when I feel contact on my cheek again. Asher's hand has returned to its previous place and his eyes pierce mine. I can't describe to you how difficult it is to do _anything_ right now. This truly feels like an out of body experience. Like I'm watching another young girl being taken advantage of by someone who is overstepping his boundaries of authority. Like I'm watching another girl feel helpless at the hands of a man who she should never have felt uncomfortable around. Like I'm watching another girl alone in an office with a predator and harasser.

But this is not another girl. This is me. Clare Diane Edwards. And Asher Rickman has his right arm grasping my left cheek and his left arm around my waist. My eyes sting as I think of Darcy. How she always told me to be on guard.

Asher moves his face towards mine and tilts his head. I think of Alli and how helpless she felt earlier. I think of how I told her how strong she truly is. I think of how she said _I _was the strong one.

Just before his lips come in contact with mine, I think of Eli. I think of how he has always tried his best to protect me. I think of how supportive he is of me. I think of how much he cares for me. I think of how much I _love _him. And how Asher's forceful lips on mine are stealing kisses that are only meant for Eli.

Asher's left hand slowly grazes up my side and before I realize it, his hand lightly brushes the side of my chest.

This is not fair. This is not right. I have to protest. I have to get away. For Darcy who didn't have the chance to fight. For Alli who has taught me to be strong. For Eli who has always believed in me.

Just as Asher's hand twists to cup my breast, I force my frozen body to fight back. I lift up my arms and shove my hands against his chest trying to push him away. I am slightly successful before he wraps his left arm around me again.

"Stop!" I cry out frantically squirming to get out of his grasp. "Let go of me!"

The battle is waging on. He tries to regain control, but I continue to move around trying to escape his grasp. _Fight him, Clare. _I hear Darcy's voice tell me.I fist my hands and punch at his chest. "Let me go!" I yell at him.

I twist my legs to rest away from him, twisting my body at the same time. I manage to turn my back to him, but I feel his arms wrap around my waist from behind. I feel his lips rest on my neck and I almost cry out in desperation.

_Please God. Please give me some strength. _

I don't know how, but I manage to stand up from my chair. Asher's arms remain around my petite frame. I grasp his hands and try to peel his fingers away from me. He only strengthens his hold. _Think, Clare. Figure out how to fight. __Be strong._ I can hear Alli plead with me.

_Please give me some wisdom as to what to do._

Accidentally, my nails dig into one of his hands. I hear him let out a sound in pain. _There's my weapon. _I continue to scratch at his hands and arms and dig my nails into his skin.

"Let go!" I yell for the third time that night and finally, he does.

And I run.

I run towards the front doors.

I run down the steps.

I turn frantically to my right and I run down the street, not daring to look back.

I keep running, ignoring anyone and anything around me.

Everything is a blur as I realize my eyes are consumed with moisture.

I let out a sob when I reach the end of the street.

I have to keep running. He'll catch me if I slow down.

I turn down another street and run.

I run and run and run.

I have no clue where I am going. It is as if my body is reacting before my clouded, numb mind can catch up.

It was only when my legs stop moving and I look up do I realize where my body has taken me. I suck in a quick breath before my sobs escape my throat at the sight of the church in front of me. The church I've been attending since I was a young girl. The church that was always my refuge. The church I've neglected for so long since my parents decided to divorce.

And I cry.

I cry over the girl who used to attend this church without a care in the world and I cry for the girl now standing here feeling completely hopeless and lost.

**Our poor Clare. :( This is by far the most emotional material I have written and I honestly hope you guys liked it! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter because I truly feel on Cloud 9 whenever I read them! :) Thanks again my dears and see you soon! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi there my wonderful readers! :) I can't thank you enough for your amazing response to that last chapter. I was really excited to see how you guys felt and was overjoyed that you guys liked it! It means so much to know that you guys are as in love with this story as I am. I'd like to apologize for such a late update. I was on vacation and had no access to a computer, but believe me I was writing this chapter in my head the whole time. l really like the way it turned out and am very excited for where the story is headed. I truly hope you guys do as well! Please enjoy! :)**

She is familiar and yet a complete stranger at the same time.

She stares back at me with large blue eyes that have since tired of creating tears to fall down her face.

Her face is composed of a blank expression with lips that have since tired of letting out sobs escaping her throat.

Her throat is surrounded by curls of her medium length hair. Hair that _he_ tangled his fingers in.

Her hair ends at her shoulders where her dark red jacket has yet to be shed. She slides the jacket down her arms and lets it fall to the bathroom floor.

Her arms, dangling at her sides, have since tired from their effort to push _his_ heavy form away from hers.

Her fingers have since tired from their effort to claw past _his_ tight grasp. She removes the simple yet significant ring that indicates a purity she no longer feels.

My eyes wander to her waist where _he_ kept such a firm, tight hold on her that she still could not understand how she got free. She gently lifts her light floral blouse over her head and discards it along with her jacket.

Her fingers lightly touch her waist where _his_ hold was and her formerly blank expression transforms into a grimace as she winces with the pain. Pain from his physical strength and pain from the memory she wishes she could discard as easily as her clothing.

She then fumbles with her belt as she removes her black jeans and adds them to the pile.

Her legs have since tired of running from the source of her confusion and harassment.

I stare at someone I have known my whole life and yet I realize she has changed.

One event changed everything.

All I wanted was to be a journalist. To learn the in's and out's of the industry.

Instead, I learned that I am too naïve to protect myself.

I bring my fingers to rest on my cheek where I can still feel Asher's hand drawing my face toward his.

I close my eyes as I flashback to the foreign and uncomfortable feel of his lips on mine. The messy and forceful contact that was inappropriate and wrong.

I lower my arms and trace the down my light blue bra strap. This part of the attack I knew was preventable. I was too weak to fight back early enough to stop his contact on a part of my body that I have not even granted my own boyfriend access to.

I close my eyes as I flashback to the strange feel of his hand around my breast.

My eyes tear at the shame that comes with that particular memory.

I allow my fingers to touch my waist again and I immediately remember the struggle that occurred at my midsection.

I close my eyes as I flashback to Asher's tight, relentless grip. A grip meant to control. A grip that _almost_ denied me freedom to escape.

I open my eyes as I suck in a deep breath.

I exhale and take a few more moments to look at myself in the bathroom mirror.

I see a girl who wanted nothing but to grow in her passion, but that same passion clouded her judgment as she let advances that should have been recognized and stopped continue on to a battle that has left her exhausted, embarrassed, ashamed, and _dirty_.

I discard my undergarments before stepping into the shower. I allow the warm, steady stream of water to fall onto my skin. I plead with every fiber of my being that the water washes away my memory and my shame.

I grab my body wash and it is not long before I realize that no matter how hard I scrub, none of that is disappearing. A battle that began in a physical altercation is now a battle being waged inside. It cannot be won by cleaning the outside.

I spend a few more minutes letting the warmth of the water soak into my skin before exiting the shower and switching into my cotton pajamas.

I make my way over to my bed and gently slide onto my back and stare at my pale pink ceiling.

I take a deep breath as I know what I have to do. As much as I want this memory erased, I need to go back. I need to go through it once again. Curse of a journalist I suppose. I need to know the facts. I need to clear my confused mind.

And so I close my eyes and let my mind wander back to a cold, empty office where a grown man overstepped his boundaries of authority and took advantage of a young, starry eyed girl who wanted nothing but to learn from him. A girl who admired his work and looked up to him.

I watch as they look over an article together before he speaks to her. She immediately tenses and appears uncomfortable. I watch as he begins his attack and she remains frozen, not stopping his advances. My frustration at her paralysis grows as I plead with her to do _something_ to end the harassment.

I watch as she tries to pull away, but his size and strength easily overwhelm her petite frame.

I watch as he forces kisses and contact that are only meant for her loved one, not her attacker.

I mentally scream at her to move, to fight back, to be strong. I immediately feel my eyes water out of fear for her.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I watch her yell and fight against him. I watch as she runs out of the building leaving him angry at her rejection.

I open my eyes, needing to escape the memory. I let out a small, almost silent sob. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and my rapidly beating heart.

Next step is to remember what happened after. I feel my hands begin to shake at the thought of returning to my memory.

_You can do this Clare. You are stronger than this. Don't let him take that away._

Refusing to let Asher make me weak any longer, I close my eyes and transport myself in front of the church where I see the same girl crying as she stares at the building in front of her. I watch as she remains in that same position for a few moments before moving to sit on the front steps of the church.

After what seems like an eternity, I notice her wipe away at her eyes and pull out her phone before she begins walking away from the steps. This memory I remember very clearly.

_Please pick up. I need you._

_I hear a ring sound._

_Then another._

_Follow by one more._

_Finally, I hear a sound indicating he has picked up my call. I breathe in a sigh of relief. _

_I hear his laughter through the phone and attempt to immerse myself in the sound. I can feel myself escaping my circumstances and grabbing onto his lighthearted energy. "Hello?" he asks after his laughter subsides. I immediately feel cold without the sound._

"_Eli?" I ask tentatively, hoping my shaky voice does not give me away._

"_Well if it isn't my brilliant and beautiful girlfriend. How was the internship?" Before I can muster up a response, I hear his worried voice speak up. "It's late. Did Asher overwhelm you with work today?" _

_I immediately freeze at the mention of my attacker's name. It is only then that I realize my mistake. I grasp my phone tightly as I mentally scold myself. What did I expect to say when he answered the phone? That I was attacked only moments ago? How exactly did I expect to tell Eli that I was sexually harassed by someone he told me to be on my guard around? How exactly do I tell him that someone else went further with his girlfriend than he ever has? How exactly am I supposed to let him know how confused and ashamed I am? And how exactly am I supposed to expect myself to burden him with this? _

_I almost let out a sob as I realize I can't tell the one person I need most at the moment. If Eli found out, it would consume him. Not only do I feel the same worry I did when I once feared I could be a trigger for him, but I know he wouldn't be able to focus on the play. Because of me, his NYU portfolio wouldn't be strong enough to grant him acceptance. Just because my dreams of journalism are tainted does not mean his chances must be ruined as well. I can't do that to the person I love. _

_Before I have a chance to respond, I hear a shattering noise in the background._

"_Sorry Clare. I'm at Little Miss Steaks with Dave working on some scenes for the play and Marisol just dropped a tray full of plates. Not the prettiest sight," he laughs._

_Of course Eli would be working on the play. He has put so much effort into this production. More reason not to tell him. I can't distract him and let all his efforts go to waste. "That's fine. I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way home."_

"_Is Jake driving you?"_

_I immediately scold myself once again. I have two options. Either I lie and Eli doesn't worry or I tell the truth and I dig a deeper hole for myself than I'm already in. I shake my head knowing I can't lie. "No, actually I'm just walking home."_

"_Clare, it's late. I told you to call me if you ever needed someone to get you home. Where are you? I'm coming to get you." I hear movement on the other end of the line._

"_No, no! It's fine Eli. I'm almost home anyways." I hear him sigh on the other end. "Really, Eli. Please stay. You need to work with Dave. We both know how much this production means to you."_

"_Your safety means more."_

"_And I'm safe and sound walking down the block towards my house as we speak." I quicken my pace as Eli's worry leads to my own paranoia. What if Asher left the building in search of me? What if he wants to finish what he started? "Stay on the line with me until I get home?" I ask Eli fearfully, realizing I need at least that to keep me calm._

"_Of course." _

"_Thank you," I whisper softly as every part of me wants to scream for him to come, to hold me tight and tell me everything will be okay, that we'll get through this together, that this won't haunt me as it seems to have already begun doing._

_I scan the area around me half expecting Asher's large form to be waiting for me, watching my every move, waiting for the chance to attack. Needing him for stability, I speak into the phone. "Hey Eli?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Can you do me a favor?"_

"_Anything Clare. You know that."_

_I feel the heat rise in my cheeks at what I am about to ask him, but I disregard it as my fear begins to consume me. "Reassure me."_

_A few brief moments of silence ensue. "I'm sorry Clare. I don't exactly get what you mean."_

_I take a deep breath as I walk up the driveway to my house. "Reassure me that you'll always be here."_

_I know my request must have surprised him. I've never really been one of those girls who needs to hear things like that from their boyfriends, but I need stability right now and I need it in the form of Eli. _

_His next words transport me to an early memory when he said these same words right when I needed to hear them the most. "I'm not going anywhere." _

_I have to suppress a sob as I am humbled by how much this one person cares for me and has always been on my side. He'll never realize how much those words are keeping me standing right now. "Thank you, Eli."_

"_Is everything okay?"_

_I realize I have no choice but to lie to him. I silently ask for his apology as I go against my vow to be "all-in" with our relationship. "Mhmm," I sound out. "I just really needed to hear that. I actually just got home so I'll let you get back to work. Try not to work too late. You need rest with all the effort you're putting into the production."_

_He laughs. "I'll try. Expect a wake-up call bright and early tomorrow morning from Hotel Eli, okay? Sweet dreams, Clare."_

"_Sounds great. Goodnight," I respond before opening my front door and entering the house._

The rest of the memory is simple. I watch as the girl quickly tells her mother that she is exhausted from the internship and walks up the stairs towards the bathroom for a much needed shower.

I open my eyes and return myself back to the present.

I can feel myself gradually surrendering to the numb feeling that has been trying to consume since I ran from the scene of my harassment. The emptiness of this emotion worries me. I fear what will happen if I let go and let myself escape that way. I saw what happened with Darcy when she was dragged into the abyss after her attack. The blank expression she always wore. I didn't want that for myself. I _can't_ let myself become that.

For Darcy who didn't know how to remain strong.

For Alli who needs me to be strong for her right now.

For Eli who has always made the effort to be strong enough for the both of us.

I refuse to let the lingering feeling of Asher's form against mine define me. I refuse to let his kisses, his caresses, his forceful hold define me. I refuse to be a victim of an attack. I _can_ and I _will_ be strong.

Just as I begin to believe in the possibility of that, my mind decides to remind me of what occurred at _The Toronto Daily_ offices earlier today. Suddenly, all I can see is Asher's piercing gaze. All I can feel is his body against mine. All I can smell is his cologne. All I can taste are his forceful lips on mine. All I can hear is his heavy breathing and husky voice.

I force my eyes closed and will myself to sleep hoping I can escape the nightmare that has become my reality.

_I can't breathe. I try and yell, but no sound escapes my mouth. His large form crushes down on my small frame and my arms are too weak to pull him off. I squirm under him as I try to free myself, but he has me trapped between the cold floor and himself. I try to move my mouth away from his searching lips, but he grabs my face and keeps it still enough to steal kisses. He lifts his face away before he speaks to me. "You said you wanted to learn. I'm more than willing to teach you." As his head angles back down towards mine, I somehow manage to scream._

I feel my body shake as I quickly open my eyes and see a dark form in front of me. I try and shake its hands off my arms. "Clare! Clare, calm down! It's Jake!" I freeze as I reach for the lamp next to my bed. Sure enough, my step brother is standing next to my bed. I immediately sit up.

"Jake? What are you doing here? You scared me."

He takes a seat on the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry. I heard you yelling and came to see what was wrong. Guess you were having a bad nightmare, huh?"

I nod my head. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't worry about it. What are big brothers for?"

I smile at him. "Thanks." I sneak a glance at the clock. It's five past six. "Almost time to get up anyways." I laugh.

He gives me a strange look. "Not for me it's not. It's Saturday. I'm sleeping in."

We both chuckle before he exits my room and I am left reeling from the effects of my nightmare.

I can't escape him. He's there when I open my eyes and he's there when they are closed.

This isn't fair. I never did anything to have encouraged him and caused this. All I did was work hard to be a model employee. I just wanted to prove myself and succeed at something I cared about. I let out a sigh as I stare at my ceiling.

I don't know how long I remained in that position, but my vibrating cell phone brought me out of my thoughts. I sneak a glance at the clock and lightly smile before answering.

"7 AM? Really, Eli?" I laugh.

"Well good morning to you too. Is that any way to greet the guy who has an amazing day planned for you?" he jokes.

"My apologies Mr. Morning Voice. Good morning my talented and handsome boyfriend. Is that better?"

"You should hear yourself right now before you go around throwing titles like that," he chuckles.

I relish in his positive energy. It's exactly what I need to counteract my dark thoughts. "What exactly are our plans?" I ask him.

"I could tell you, but that's so boring. I'd rather just surprise you."

I groan. "Fine, fine. But dinner tonight right?"

This time he's the one to groan. "I apologize in advance for any awkward comments my parents make. You know how that goes."

I laugh. "It's fine, Eli. Like I said before, I do miss your parents."

I can practically see him smiling on the other end. "Meet me at The Dot for coffee in an hour?"

"Sure," I respond.

"Perfect. See you soon, Edwards," he responds before ending the call.

I put my phone back on my bedside table and make my way towards the bathroom. I take my time showering, attempting again to let the water wash away all my emotions and memories from yesterday. Again, I realize it is in vain. _At least I tried_, I tell myself.

I spend the next twenty minutes getting ready through my usual routine of curled hair and light make-up. After a few minutes looking through my closet, I decide upon wearing a dark burgundy sweater dress with my black tights and wedges. I change into my outfit and just as I automatically reach for my purity ring where it rests in its usual place in my jewelry box on the bathroom counter, I freeze.

_Purity._ Can I really hold claim to that description? This ring has always been meant something to me. Putting it on after last night seems wrong. I hesitantly return it to its spot and take a moment to let that sink in. Have I really been so tainted that I can't even hold true to that promise I made to myself and to God? I shake my head. What happened to me wasn't my own choice. It happened by force. Besides, if I don't wear it, Eli might ask questions. I quickly reach for the ring and slip it back onto my left ring finger.

I walk downstairs to find my mom and Glen eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

"Oh, good morning Clare," my mom states after looking up at me.

"Good morning," I respond back.

"You look nice. Where are you headed?" she asks me.

I hesitatingly answer. My mom doesn't exactly dislike Eli, but she isn't too fond of him either. She knows how much our relationship and break-up weighed down on me. I've tried to explain to her how different it is this time around, but she's definitely taking her time adjusting to the idea of Eli and I dating again. "I'm just hanging out with Eli today and then having dinner at his house with his parents."

"Oh," she says quickly. I know she's pondering over this in her mind. "That's fine. Just be back before ten, okay? I don't want you out late two nights in a row, whatever the reason may be."

I quickly nod my head. "Of course. Thanks!" I walk over and give her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before smiling at Glen and making my way out the door.

As I'm walking towards The Dot, I find the same paranoia from last night return. _Maybe I should have asked Eli to walk me._ I decide to quicken my pace as I put my senses on heightened alert for any sign of Asher. I take a different route than I normally would. I decide on the longer way knowing my usual path crosses with the offices of the newspaper and I honestly am not ready to be anywhere in proximity to that building.

As The Dot enters my sight, I glance down at my watch. I'm a little early so I decide to stand by a table outside and text Eli to meet me inside the restaurant. Just as I pull out my phone and start to write out the text, I stiffen as two arms encircle me from behind.

I feel lips graze my neck before I hear a voice whisper loudly into my ear. "Gotcha!"

And I scream.

**Lots of emotions for our dear Clare. :( I l****oved the episodes and truly appreciate where the writers took the storyline. As is pretty evident, this story will be different, but I hope you guys choose to continue reading. :) Feel free to leave me your thoughts on this chapter because they make me squeal just about as loudly as I did when Campbell kissed Maya and make my heart as happy as when Clare told Eli she loved him. Until next time my dears! :) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi there beautiful people! :) I would just like to again thank all of you who have followed/favorited/reviewed this story. It's such an honor to have this overwhelmingly sweet and generous response to the story. You guys are amazing! :) This chapter is fairly long so I hope that in some way makes up for the long update. I won't say much as I don't desire to give anything away, so please enjoy! :)**

This can't be happening.

I can't breathe.

He can't have found me.

I scream. I thrash around trying to escape his grip.

"Clare! It's me! It's Eli!"

I freeze in place at the sound of his voice before snapping around and coming face to face with my boyfriend.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Eli."

He drops his hands from my waist. "Are you alright?"

I take a few deep breaths to try and calm my accelerated heartbeat. A few strangers continue on their way after having stopped at my outburst. "I-I'm fine. You just scared me is all."

"I've snuck up on you before, Clare. What has you so jumpy?"

I close my eyes as I realize the weight of my decision to keep this from Eli. It means lying. Not just once, but multiple times. What kind of girlfriend am I? I claim to love the person standing right in front of me and yet I mistook his gentle embrace as my attacker's controlling grip and I just can't seem to escape lying to him.

"I had a nightmare last night. It really shook me up. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. What was it about?"

_Please stop asking me questions I can't answer. _I feel so helpless. "I, um, I can't remember." I let out a little nervous laughter.

He gives me a quizzical look. "You sure that's all this was about? You sounded a little strange on the phone last night as well." I look down not able to meet his worried gaze. "Clare?"

"Mhmm?"

I feel two hands gently caress my face. I flinch at the touch. I squirm internally as Eli's hand covers where Asher's handprint has burned itself into my skin. He forces my head up and silently looks at me.

After a few moments, he speaks up. "You can tell me anything, you know that."

I nod my head in response. "There's nothing to tell." _Please just get your hand off my face. _I shift myself a few tiny steps backwards trying to escape his hold. I didn't know this would happen. I didn't know that every single touch I felt would transport me back to a dark, cold office. I feel terrible. Eli doesn't deserve this. I need to pull myself together for him. I take a few deep breaths.

I finally meet his gaze and read the confusion on his face. "Can we forget the past minute ever happened?" I ask him.

I watch as it is clearly obvious he is battling a war in his mind. I understand how that feels. After a few excruciatingly long seconds, I see Eli's face perk up slightly. "No problem. Now let's try this again." He steps forward towards me. I immediately tense. _Come on, Clare. This is Eli. This isn't Asher. _I force my mind to focus on the boy in front of me. I force myself to block out the sounds of cars, of barking dogs, and of the jingle above the door of The Dot. I force myself to only think of him.

I feel myself begin to relax as he gently wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. This feels normal. This feels familiar. This feels…soft. The opposite of last night's grip. That felt strange. That felt rough.

I slowly lift my hands to rest on his chest. "Good morning, Eli." I speak up to him.

"Good morning, Clare." I watch as he slightly bends his head. I automatically close my eyes in response. Just as his lips graze mine, I tense. He pulls back slightly and lifts his eyebrows in question.

I just want to slap myself out of this state of fear and paranoia. It's as if my mind and body are at a disconnect. My mind knows this is Eli. It knows Eli's adoring motives. But my body refuses to accept his touch. It perceives everything as an attack. It perceives my own boyfriend's touch as forceful and unwanted. This isn't fair.

I try to cover up. "How about a kiss on the forehead instead?" He looks perplexed. "I just – they're my favorite." I force a giggle out trying to be as persuasive as possible.

He just laughs. "You are one strange cookie, Edwards."

"And you love it." I respond just as his lips gently touch my forehead.

He replaces his lips with his own forehead. "I couldn't not, even if I tried."

_Please stop being so sweet. Please stop making me feel even worse about keeping this from you. Please stop making me hate how naïve I was to let this happen. _

I slowly pull away from him and turn towards The Dot. "Coffee?" I ask him.

He nods his head before following me into Degrassi's favorite coffee joint.

I scan around the restaurant, just in case. It's pretty empty for a Saturday morning. I see a few scattered patrons on their laptops. The only people I recognize are a couple sitting by the window. The boy has a cast on his arm. Obviously that's the star rookie of the Ice Hounds everyone has been talking about. And that means that the girl must be Katie's little sister, Maya. And before you go thinking I'm a stalker, the whole school was a buzz when they heard an Ice Hound actually got himself _one_ steady girlfriend. That Ice Hound being the star just added to the juicy gossip. I watch as she laughs at something he says before glancing down at the table. He, almost awkwardly, reaches under the table and grabs her hand in his. Even from here, I can see the hint of a blush rise in her cheeks and the smile on her face mimics the one on his. She doesn't recoil or tense at his touch. She embraces it. They look so _innocent_ and _simple_. Everything I once was and still wish I could be.

"Clare?"

I snap out of my daze. "Yeah? Sorry, it's just those two looked familiar."

"I'm pretty sure they go to Degrassi. The blond one tried out for the musical. Yeah, she wasn't really into it," Eli says as he scrunches up his nose and shakes his head.

I laugh at the sight before walking over to an empty table and taking my seat. "Your usual, I'm assuming?" Eli asks me.

I quickly nod in response. "Thanks."

He smirks in reply before walking over to get the attention of a barista.

Finally alone, I let myself address my nagging thoughts. I feel absolutely terrible. I'm lying to someone I love. All because of my own mistakes. I'm trying to blame Asher, to make all this his fault. But for some reason I can't explain, I know that's not true. I had multiple opportunities to speak up about the discomfort he was making me feel. I was too scared to lose my internship that I didn't stop him. Heck, I may even have _encouraged_ him. I spent hours trying to make myself appear competent and mature to him. All that time I spent with him, working for him. I shake my head. I should have known. I should have been smarter. I should have foreseen the attack and prevented it.

Clearly, there is no running away from what happened. Hard as I try, it's just not possible. But addressing it isn't an option either. I don't know how to explain it, but if I talk about it, if I report it, it becomes real. It will no longer be just a haunting memory.

I have to find a way around this. I have to find a way to erase all these images of Asher and I. I have to find a way to erase the feeling of his body on mine. I have to find a way to be _comfortable_ again.

Maybe, just maybe, I can fight this. I can fight these feelings of self loathing that I've been encountering since waking up from my nightmare this morning. I can fight against confusing Eli's loving touch as Asher's forceful grip. I just have to be what I refused to be the past few weeks. I have to be smart and figure out how to battle against what this attack is making me become. I _have_ to fight this.

Determined not to let Asher define me, I take in a deep breath just as Eli walks over with our drinks in hand. "M'lady, this is for you."

"Thank you very much," I state as I grab the hot drink from his hand. Eli settles into the chair across from me. "So what's on the agenda for today?" I ask him.

"I thought we'd agreed on letting it be a surprise," he responds playfully.

"Well, I'm choosing to take back my agreement."

He furrows his eyebrows together. "And how exactly are you going to accomplish that?"

I grin as I come up with an idea. "How about this? If I give you a kiss, you have to give me a hint." To be honest, I want to try out my first strategy to fight this.

His eyes slightly enlarge in surprise. I know he was not expecting that considering how physically distant I was earlier. I watch as he glances up at the ceiling and acts as if he is pondering over this intently in his mind. "You make a very appealing offer, Ms. Edwards. And I do believe I may just take you up on that."

I giggle in response before getting up from my seat in the high chair and taking a few steps towards Eli. Maybe if I initiate the contact, if I am in control, my body will react less defensively. It may even begin to again embrace the familiar feeling of Eli's lips. He looks at me expectantly. "Any minute now, Edwards. It's not like I'm dying of anticipation over here," he laughs and I do along with him.

I slowly grasp his face in mine before easing my face towards his. _So far so good._ I lightly, almost hesitantly, touch my lips to his. I pause slightly to get a feel for my body's response. Fortunately, I feel much less uncomfortable as my body knows it is making the decision to touch Eli, not the other way around. With this newfound information, I happily reconnect our lips for a brief moment before pulling away.

"That's a rip off!" He exclaims after our kiss.

I open my mouth in shock. "It is not!" I banter back.

"You expect me to give you a huge hint about our plans when all you give me is that tiny…can we even call that a kiss? That was more like a – "

Before he can continue, I slam my lips back onto his. I relish in the feeling of adoration emanating from Eli's willing lips. This is exactly how a kiss should feel. It should make me feel loved and safe. This is what my memory of a kiss should be like. I shouldn't remember forceful, rough lips. Instead, I should fill my mind with memories like this one. Memories of soft caresses and tender movements. I linger my lips over his for a few more moments before I slowly release myself from our kiss.

"Wow," Eli breathes out. "Can we do that again?" I playfully slap his shoulder. "Ouch!" He exclaims as I walk back to my chair.

"Not until you give me a hint. A deal is a deal," I respond.

I smile as he gives me the same look every time he concedes to me. The same look he gave my when I told him to call off the dogs with Fitz and the same look he gave me when I asked him to be nice to Becky, not that either of those two were deserving of it. "Fine," he grumbles. "We're going to the abandoned church."

I immediately grin in response. "Eli! Really?" He nods. "I haven't been there in so long. Not since Adam's party."

He laughs. "I know, which is why I thought it would be nice to have another picnic there. Maybe just get away from all the stress from the play and your internship for a little while."

_An escape. _"That sounds perfect."

He smirks at me. "Maybe it's just me, but I feel like we've both been pretty busy with all our individual projects that we needed some alone time."

I immediately regret all those hours I spent with Asher that I could have been spending with Eli. Hours spent on an internship that I only had because my boss wanted something out of it. "I'm sorry, Eli. You should have told me if I was being distant."

"No, no, no," he quickly responds. "I didn't mean just you. I've been so preoccupied with the musical, what with trying to help Dave get comfortable and dealing with all the bad press. Besides, I wouldn't want to suffocate you again." He nervously lets out a laugh under his breath before glancing down.

This is just too much. Here is Eli, doubting himself, doubting my comfort. And here I am, refusing to even consider if lying to him really is the best idea. _What a great girlfriend I am_. "Eli, please don't ever think like that. You can tell me anything, anytime. I want you to be honest with me about how you're feeling." _The irony of all this is almost hilarious. Almost._

He smiles up at him. Not smirks, but smiles. "Guess that's what being 'all-in' is all about, huh?"

_Really, fate? Really? _"I guess so," I respond before taking a long sip of my coffee.

We spend a few more minutes just talking about anything and everything. I talk about some of my fears about Alli leaving. He talks about Dave's fears about Alli leaving. I laugh at that. Obviously, Eli knows way more about some people than he is comfortable with.

"You and Dave seem pretty open with each other," I observe.

"He's a pretty open guy."

I give him a confused look. "Care to elaborate?" I ask.

"Honestly? Not really," he laughs.

I gape at him. "Now you have to tell me."

"I'm not sure you would want to know."

"Tell me!" I jokingly exclaim.

He smirks at me. _Oh no, I know that look. _"For a kiss, I'm willing to spill a lot."

I roll my eyes. "You're impossible."

He just shrugs his shoulders. "Take it or leave it, Edwards."

"Fine," I groan in response. "But can we maybe start walking towards the abandoned church? I'd rather not make anyone here uncomfortable."

He laughs. "Yeah, sure."

I get up and throw our cups away as Eli grabs his backpack which I'm assuming he brought since he needed something to put our picnic materials in.

I go to grab his hand before he has a chance to initiate the first contact. I slip my hand in his as he guides us out of The Dot. We turn left and start to walk down the street before I stop us and turn towards him. "Can we maybe go another route today?"

He looks at me, confusion evident on his face. "But this is the quickest way."

"I know, but it's such a lovely day. I was thinking we could take the long way and enjoy a nice walk."

I don't know how convincing of a response that was, but Eli seems to have bought it as he simply shrugs his shoulders before turning around and walking the other way. I follow him before taking a quick glance behind towards the end of the street where a certain newspaper office with a certain editor holds residency.

We slowly make our way towards the abandoned church. Eli and I mostly remain silent as I hang onto his arm and look around us. The city is pretty quiet considering most people decide to be like Jake on Saturday mornings and sleep in. We pass by the same park where Eli, Adam, and I worked on our _Romeo and Juliet_ project. "Eli," I laugh out.

His head snaps towards me. "What?"

"Come on," I pull at his arm and he willingly, but hesitantly complies.

"Where are we going?" he asks.

"You'll see when we get there. I just want it to be a surprise," I playfully respond.

"Don't use my words against me, Clare." He laughs.

I can't hold the grin easily making its way to my face as I approach a very familiar looking picnic table. I let go of Eli as I make my way over to it and gently graze my fingertips over the table. I can hear Eli's footsteps coming closer behind me. I turn around quickly, just in case he had planned to hug me from behind like before. I wouldn't want another repeat of earlier this morning.

I reach for both his hands. "Look familiar?" I ask him.

He appears to intently study the table. After a few moments, he speaks up. "Nope." He slowly shakes his head. "Why? Is it important?"

I feel my mouth gape open. "Eli!" I exclaim in shock. "You can't be serious."

He laughs. "I'm not."

I give him as angry of a look as I can muster. Hard to do when I feel so happy. "You're frustrating."

"And you're cute when you're frustrated."

I wave his comment off. "Yeah, yeah."

He laughs at me before pulling me closer to him and resting his forehead on mine. _Please don't tense up. Please don't tense up._ I repeat to myself. When I realize my body is not recoiling from his touch, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I hear Eli speak up. "I could never forget this place."

"Want to recreate the memory?" I ask him, slightly embarrassed that my idea is a tad silly.

He nods his head. "Sure."

I give him a smile in thanks for going along with my charade. I step up onto the bench and turn to sit on the top of the table. I watch as Eli does the same.

"Don't forget, you owe me an explanation after this." I remind him before scooting closer to him.

I swear his face reminds me of the way he looked when we were here last. A look of longing. A look so intent that he doesn't even respond to my comment. Instead, he begins to slowly inch his face towards mine. I slightly tense, but realize that Eli won't pull away at my actions this time. I was just as nervous when we kissed here last time. He'll think it's just part of the act. I meet him halfway just as before and lift my hands up to caress his face. I feel his hands grip my upper arms and smile into the kiss. He remembers the memory almost as clearly as I do.

Before I get a chance to really respond to his lips, he pulls away. For whatever reason, the kiss seemed a lot longer in my memory.

He smiles at me. "Dave was freaking out at the Degrassi dance because some of the hockey guys put highly unoriginal graffiti on the musical posters so I tried to talk it out with him. He eventually tells me that he should actually be, well, with Alli instead of at the dance."

I take a few moments to respond. "That's it?"

Eli laughs. "He told me it was supposed to be his first time with Alli that night and I laughed at him for worrying about what a bunch of dumb jocks think instead of having sex with his girlfriend. So he took my advice and went and had sex with his girlfriend."

I burst out laughing. "Eli! Please tell me you're joking."

"I kind of wish I was," he lightheartedly responds.

I decide against telling Eli about Alli's pregnancy scare, not just because I want to keep that in confidence, but also because he will probably get a little weird that he may have indirectly had a hand in the whole matter in the first place. _Just another thing to keep from him. _I freeze as I feel how easy that is becoming.

Before I even have a chance to struggle with my thoughts, Eli gets up off the bench. "Our picnic awaits, my lovely lady."

He offers me his hand and I eagerly take it and follow him towards the abandoned church where we spend a good bulk of our day joking around and stuffing our mouths full of food. Just being in the peace and quiet of the area and in the giddiness the memories made here, makes me hopeful. Without knowing it, Eli gave me exactly what I needed. I needed an escape. I needed some sort of happiness. He gave me both.

Which makes this all one horrible, sick joke. Eli's giving me everything I need and I'm giving him so little in return. He surprises me with a picnic. I keep secrets from him. He chooses not to dwell on my behavior which he may perceive as strange and different. I mistake his embrace as an attacker's.

"Excited to have dinner with your parents?" I ask him before popping a grape in my mouth.

"I'm not sure if excited is the right word," he responds.

I give him a look. "Eli, your parents mean well."

"Yeah, they just happen to joke about us having sex every time we are in the same room with them."

"Hey, if any of us should be uncomfortable with it, it's me. And if I can handle it, you can too." I state.

He laughs. "I know. I'm kidding. I really am happy that you'll be spending some time with them again. You and Cece always were close."

I smile as I think about the strong bond I made with Eli's mom. She truly is a strong woman. Maybe being around her right now will be good for me. I could learn a thing or two from her tough skin. "When are they expecting us?" I ask.

He glances down at his watch. "Honestly, not too long from now. We can leave as soon as you're ready."

"Sure," I respond as I begin to clean up our picnic.

Eli grabs all our trash as I neatly put away our leftovers. For two people, we sure didn't leave much food untouched.

"Hey Eli?" I call out to him as he chases after a napkin.

"Yeah?" he asks just as he grabs it.

I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck and give him a tight hug. "Thank you," I whisper lightly in his ear. "I really needed this."

He pulls away and smiles down at me. "Anytime."

I reciprocate his smile before we both pack up anything that is left and walk hand in hand towards his house.

"I need to get myself a car as soon as possible," I hear Eli say.

For about the millionth time today, I feel terrible. Just another thing that was my fault. "I really am sorry about Morty. I know how much you loved that hearse."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I loved you more."

I'm no longer surprised that fate would have it be that Eli is somehow more sweet and kind than usual today. Just trying to remind me of more reasons why I don't deserve his clear honesty and unconditional adoration. _I get it pretty clearly now. _

Eventually, we reach his house and I feel us both take a deep breath before he pulls out his key to unlock the door. "Ready?" he asks me.

I give his hand a squeeze. "Yup!" I respond cheerfully hoping to help calm his nerves down. I owe him at least that.

As soon as he opens the door, the flavorful scent of Cece's cooking hits us. Whatever she is making smells so appealing.

"Mom! Dad! We're here!" Eli calls out.

It only takes a few moments before Cece comes rushing into the living room from the kitchen. "Hi there, baby boy!" she exclaims as I hear a groan escape Eli's throat. I chuckle. "Clare, honey it is so good to see you!" I lightly tense from the shock of her bear hug before returning it.

"It's great to see you too, Cece. I've really missed you." I tell her as honestly as I can.

"Awww, we've missed you too sweetheart. Bullfrog and I that is," she laughs.

"Speaking of Bullfrog, where is he?" Eli asks from beside me.

"Just tidying up your room for you," Cece responds with a wink. "Not that it's not always clean and ready for use, Clare."

I just laugh at the expression on Eli's face. "Thanks, Cece. I'm sure Eli appreciates that."

"How many times have I told you guys to stay out of my room?" Eli grumbles.

"Don't give me attitude, Elijah." I realize Cece can be pretty scary and intimidating if she tried.

"Clarabelle!" I hear Bullfrog's nickname for me in his deep voice as he makes his way down the stairs. "Nice to see you. It's been quite some time, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it has. It is really nice of you guys to invite me over. Thank you."

"Oh, it's nothing. Anything for you Clare. You always were a good influence on our baby boy here." Cece states.

I smile in thanks at her before she invites us into the kitchen where she has a nice table set-up for us. It all just feels warm and home-y. Not what anyone who didn't know the inner workings of the Goldsworthy family would expect.

I take a seat in the chair Eli pulls out for me and he sits next to me as Cece and Bullfrog ask me about as many questions as any human can possibly come up with. They ask the generic ones: How am I doing? How is my junior year? What is my favorite class? Then they ask more personal ones that I was readily prepared for: Did I have a boyfriend after Eli? Did I ever get jealous about Eli and Imogen?

Bullfrog speaks up with a question I was not prepared for. "Clarabelle, now I don't mean to sound rude, but I have to ask. Are you sure you are ready for a relationship with Eli again? You know his condition and all the strings that come with it."

"Dad." Eli states forcefully, trying to alert Bullfrog that he is charting into uncomfortable waters.

"It's ok, Eli." I say as I glance at him before looking back to Bullfrog. "I'll be the first to say I didn't know how to deal with everything that was going on with Eli before. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I wasn't. I learned a lot about myself after my parents divorced and things ended between Eli and I. It wasn't easy, and I honestly did make a fool of myself on more than one occasion." I laugh nervously. "But I grew up. And it is evident to anyone that Eli got healthier. I don't know, I was just worried about being unhealthy for him. He's shown me that it wasn't my fault. That it wasn't our relationship. It was his illness. Now we both know more about that. We know how to deal with it, how to respond to it. Our relationship has only grown stronger since we both have grown individually." I let out a long breath after realizing I rambled for quite some time there.

I glance down at my plate as I feel all eyes on me.

"That was lovely, Clare." I hear Cece speak up. "Thank you."

I smile at her before sneaking a glance at Eli. I have to contain the gasp from escaping my mouth as I seriously feel all his emotions hit me at once. It is written on his face, plain as day. If that's not what gratitude and _love_ look like, then I don't know what is. I reach for his hand under the table, and give it a long squeeze. He rubs his thumb along my hand in response. _Have I mentioned how much I love this guy?_

We all begin to eat our dinner after Cece sets up all her creations. Her main dish is this super appetizing pasta and if I knew more about cooking, I could probably tell you what was in it. But since I'm a little uneducated in the cooking department, I'll just have to say it is delicious.

Our conversation is flowing really well. I feel comfortable around Eli's parents. They are so welcoming and not judgmental. It is not until we are all close to finishing our plates when Cece speaks up and I almost drop my fork in shock.

"So Clare, Eli tells us you got an internship at _The Toronto Daily_. We are so proud of you. Tell us all about it."

I freeze for a few moments as I feel everyone awaiting my response. I set down my fork and bring my hands in my lap as I play with my purity ring out of nervous habit. "Well, I-it's, it's really interesting to see how the industry works." Cece smiles at me to continue. "I've learned a lot from observing different writers and I really don't think I'll ever be the same after it." _And I can honestly say that last part without any hesitation._

"That's great, Clarabelle. We really are happy for you. Eli's always bragging about how brilliant you are and how hard you work. Seems to me like you deserved the internship. It's great you have that opportunity. I see a lot of kids come in at the radio show and they always like being in the actual work place. I'm sure you've loved interacting with people who will be doing what you hoped to do. Eye-opening, isn't it?"

I can literally feel my heartbeat begin to increase. This is too much. I can't sit here and talk about this. I glance at Eli in my peripheral vision and he is eyeing me curiously. I can feel my eyes burn as I try and think of a quick response to get myself out of here. "Yes, it is." I glance towards the stairs leading to the upstairs of the house. I realize there is only one way the Goldsworthy's will let me leave so abruptly. "I am really sorry to cut this short, but I haven't seen Eli's room in a while. I'd love to see how much progress he's made."

I can seriously read the shock on all their faces and if I wasn't scared out of my mind in panic, I would have laughed. "Well, of course Clare. You two go right on ahead. Take all the time you need."

I thank Cece before standing out of my chair and quite honestly dragging Eli behind me. What was my goal earlier? To erase the memories. I remember how Eli's kiss felt. How it pushed Asher's kisses away from my mind for a brief moment.

As I'm walking up the stairs, I ignore Eli's questions as all I can think of is everything that happened last night. One mention of Asher and the internship and it all came to weigh down on my again. I need to focus on something else. I need a better memory.

I pull open the door to Eli's room and walk both of us inside before closing the door behind me.

"Clare, what is going on?" I hear Eli ask in a worried voice. _Asher's hand tightly grasps my cheek._

"N-nothing, I just really wanted to see your room." I glance around and am surprised to see how tidy it is compared to before. "You've done a great job, Eli. I'm so proud of you." _Asher's lips attack mine._

"Clare, I'm confused. What's really the matter?" _Asher's hand grazes my breast._

I rush over to where Eli is standing by his bed and make a rash decision. I grasp his face in mine and slam my lips onto his. He staggers back in shock and accidentally falls back onto his bed. I can feel his lack of response to my kiss. I pull back only for a quick moment to glance into his eyes before angling my head and returning to join our lips together. I feel his hands grasp at my waist and I try my hardest to get as close to him as possible.

It's not fair that I have to go through this. It's not fair that Asher gets to have such a strong hold on me physically and mentally. It's not fair that Eli doesn't know. It's not fair that my memories of physical closeness and contact are tainted by Asher.

_None of this is fair_. As I continue to cry and sob internally, I lower my hands and finger the hem of Eli's black Dead Hand t-shirt.

**Please don't hate me for ending it there. I think I can guess where many of you think this is going and I won't say much, but I have a feeling it will turn out different than what you expect. And I had to throw Campbell and Maya in there. I didn't plan on it, but it seemed fitting. :) I truly hope you guys liked this chapter and please do let me know your thoughts! They really do help motivate me and I just love to hear from you guys! See you soon, my dears! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi my dears! :) What a lovely finale that was, wasn't it? It made me very happy as I'm sure it did to you guys as well! Anyways, I'm sure I'm becoming monotonous with how much I thank you guys, so bare with me as I once again express my gratitude at the response to the story so far. You guys are awesome! I love all the favorite adds, the following, and the lovely reviews that never cease to motivate me. You are all the best! :) This chapter will be in Eli's point of view as he definitely needed a say in all this. Enjoy! **

What in the _hell _is going on?

The girl on top of me sure looks like my girlfriend, but ever since last night's phone call, something has been off with her. I didn't want to pressure her into opening up to me. If Clare wanted to talk about something, she would. She's never been one to hide her feelings from me. So I went on with the day as if everything was smooth.

But don't think I missed how she tensed every time I was near her.

Don't think I missed how she stuttered her way around her words.

Don't think I missed how she would be with me one second and then escape in her mind the other.

Don't think I missed how she uncharacteristically ran from the dinner table, avoiding my questions.

And don't think I'm missing how she is currently locking her lips with mine.

I tried to ignore it for the sake of diverging from an argument. For the sake of giving Clare her space. I've grown from the Eli who would have overreacted, who would have made her uncomfortable. But I realize I've grown into an Eli who is trying everything to _not_ lose her that he is ignoring something right in front of him.

And right in front of me, my girlfriend is tugging at the hem of my shirt attempting to lift it higher. And any other guy would be on top of the world and not ask questions. Believe me, I'm _so damn close_ to that and Clare's uncharacteristic behavior isn't exactly doing anything to stop me.

But one thing is holding me back. And that thing is Clare's true character. This isn't who she is. And I'll be damned if I'll be the guy who disrespects her.

Just as I'm thinking this, I feel Clare's hands under my shirt as she brings them up to my chest. To be honest, this is new territory for us. And as cloudy as her kisses and touch make my judgment, I definitely do not miss how much her hands are shaking over my skin. _Damn it._

I lift my arms and attempt to gently push her away from me, but realize that right now, I can't be soft with her. So I lift my arms to her shoulders and forcefully push her off of me. Her widened eyes clearly display her shock and confusion.

I sigh deeply before sitting up as she straddles my legs and meet her face to face. "Clare, I'm going to ask this one more time. What is going on with you?" I watch as she just stares at me. A few moments go by and nothing but silence ensues. Now, I'm starting to get a little frustrated. "Clare," I state much more harshly than I intended. I watch as she slightly flinches away from me and I immediately feel terrible. I reach for her hands, but she moves them away.

She pushes herself off my bed and backs up to stand in front of me. I want to walk towards her, but I realize that may just push her away more. So I stay seated and await her response.

All I get is silence. And I'm getting damn irritated at it.

I attempt to make my voice as gentle as possible regardless of my tremulous emotions on the inside. "Hey, look I'm sorry. But you can't blame a guy for being confused. I just want to know where this is coming from."

"I-I didn't mean to…I wasn't sure if…" she trails off.

"You weren't sure if…?" I prod her.

I watch as her lower lip begins to quiver. _Oh shit._ "I-It didn't work," she says softly as tears begin to form in her eyes.

To say I'm perplexed would be an understatement. I try and rapidly run through the past few days in my mind, looking for what could have triggered her behavior. All I know is that we've been to school, I've worked on the play, and she's been at her internship. As far as I'm concerned, our dinner with my parents was going great. I can't think of anything that they said that would have offended her or flustered her like that. Nothing out of the ordinary and nothing that could have affected her like this.

I have no idea what is going on with her. I don't know why she would act out like this. But I slowly realize there is something settling and weaving itself into that head of hers. The way her eyes just stare off and she remains quiet as if she's not even there. It's crystal clear to me that she is fighting a battle. Over what? I have no clue. Why? I'll be damned if I knew. All I know is the girl I love is on the brink of tears and I don't know what I can do to help her.

Maybe reaching for her is a mistake, but that's all the ammunition I can come up with. I scoot closer to her and feel disappointment smack me in the face when she takes a slow, hesitant step back. I shouldn't have snapped at her. That clearly threw her off.

I take a deep breath. "I just want to hold your hand, okay? That's it." I uncertainly lift my hand and slowly, _very_ slowly reach toward hers. I watch her freeze right before I manage to wrap her small hand in mine. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding when she doesn't fight against my touch. As tiny of a step this is, it is a step forward. I try rubbing my thumb across her hand to soothe her. "Clare, just talk to me."

It's like something went off in her head as I realize she is entirely focused on me know. Her eyes come back to life as she looks at me. The tears that were threatening to fall only moments ago begin to slip out of the corners of her eyes. She quickly wipes away at them with her free hand. I just watch as she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. "There's nothing to say," she softly replies.

"Like hell there's nothing to say. Something is clearly bothering you."

"Eli, please. You're reading too much into this."

"Clare, I've been ignoring it the whole day and it hasn't gone away. Don't try and tell me I'm overreacting."

"Please," she begs me. "I have _nothing _to say."

"I don't accept that."

She pulls her hand away from mine. And I watch in confusion as her expression changes from pensive to angry all in a few moments. "I don't know what you want to hear, Eli. But all I can say is that I feel rejected and unwanted. I'm leaving."

I immediately hop off the bed towards her. She puts her hands up to stop me. "Don't bother. I can see myself out." And with that she walks out the door to my room and I hear her gentle footsteps going down the steps one by one.

I think of going after her. Of stopping her from leaving. But just before I impulsively run after her, I realize my mistake. Maybe what had gotten into Clare's mind today was exactly what she was doing earlier. Maybe she was just _nervous_? Maybe she was preoccupied with trying to figure out how to, well, get into the situation we were in? _Crap._

So Clare just wanted to take us a little further physically. And that's probably what has been distracting her all day. And I, of course, read too much into it. I overreacted. And I pretty damn harshly rejected her. And here I was thinking I had progressed from who I used to be.

_Maybe she hasn't left yet. _I make my way down the stairs towards the kitchen where Cece is starting to clear the table and Bullfrog is finishing up his plate.

"Well, you two made that quick." Bullfrog teases.

I ignore him. "Did Clare leave?"

"Yeah, she just left a few moments ago." I feel my shoulders drop. "Why? Did she leave something?"

"No, I just…wanted to ask her something. It's fine." I walk over to Cece. "Thanks for dinner, Mom. It was great."

I swear the smile on her face makes it seem like she just won a million dollars.

I reciprocate her expression before making my way back to my room to leave myself to my thoughts.

I feel really bad for jumping down Clare's throat like that. But she wasn't being vocal at all. I didn't know what was going on. There was no way for me to be able to tell what was going through her head. I know the girl better than most people, but I don't know her _that_ well. I know her well enough to know that something was on her mind, that something was nagging at her, and that she was acting strange. But I'm not a mind reader. Wish I was so that I could get some sort of clarification about everything that happened.

As much as I read into it, I realize there really is only one explanation: the one I came up with earlier. Of course Clare would be a little anxious and on edge if she was thinking of trying to be more physically intimate with me. I just wish she had spoken to me about it. We've always been open and honest with each other. I don't even try to hide my feelings since she's damn good at reading me. So for her to want to take things further without consulting me seems out of character in itself.

And now she thinks I refused her advances. I can't win. If I go along with her, I feel like I'm pressuring her. If I push her away, I'm rejecting her.

I need to apologize and I need her to let this go. I grab my phone and dial her number. The chances of her answering are slim, but it's worth a shot.

_Pick up the phone, Clare. _

It rings once and nothing but silence ensues.

A second ring sounds in my ear and still no answer.

After the third ring, I'm beginning to give up. _Crap._

Just as I'm about to hang up, I hear a clicking noise.

"I'm only picking up because I don't want to play the silent treatment card," she angrily states.

_At least she picked up. _"Clare, I'm sorry for how I reacted. I was confused about what was happening. We hadn't talked about it and I just…It seemed out of character for you."

I hear her let out a sigh. "I appreciate your apology Eli, but I'm almost home and my mom will probably want to interrogate me about my day. I have to go."

"Okay, but just tell me if you're mad." _No shit, Eli._

She takes a few moments to respond and I begin to think that I may have angered her more with my more than obvious request. "It's not your fault," she softly replies. "I really do need to go."

And with that she hangs up the phone. Perhaps leaving me more confused than before. It's not my fault she's mad, but she acts mad at me. How exactly does that make sense?

I shake my head before setting my phone down on my desk. My eyes fall to the _Romeo and Jules_ script. Just another thing for me to worry about. Not only does the set have yet to be completed, but costumes haven't come in yet and Tristan refuses to practice the kissing scene. I've tried to force him, but he flat out refuses. I'm not worried too much about that, but it wouldn't hurt Dave to practice the act of kissing a guy before opening night.

I let out a sigh. I have a whole production to deal with while getting my NYU application and portfolio ready, keeping high marks in my classes, and worrying about Clare. I feel overwhelmed, more so than before. I can't help but feel like I'm taking a few steps backwards. I'm obsessing over a play and Clare, both at the same time. I need to clear my head. I need fresh air.

I put my shoes on before walking back downstairs and telling my parents I'm meeting Adam at The Dot. I start walking and dial his number. As always, Adam readily answers his phone.

"Mr. Director!" He exclaims into the phone.

I laugh besides everything that just happened. "Hey, I was just wondering if you could meet me at The Dot."

"I'm actually already here with Dave. We're working on our next radio show. Is everything okay?"

"Honestly, probably not."

"Hey, I'll be right back." I hear Adam tell Dave. I wait a few moments before Adam speaks up. "I'm outside now so spill."

And so I go into a quick monologue about Clare's strange behavior today. "And not only am I dealing with that, but there are still so many things with the musical that I haven't completed. It's a lot at once."

"Okay, take a breather. I'm sure Clare is fine. We both know she can, well, be a drama queen sometimes."

"Adam." I state forcefully in Clare's defense.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to reassure you that she'll be fine on Monday. It'll pass." As much as I want to disagree, a part of me knows he's probably right.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Wait, hold on a second. Isn't this the _second_ time you've rejected her?"

I let out a laugh under my breath. "Yeah."

"Most guys wouldn't pass up a second chance."

"Yeah, well most guys don't take a moment to realize if the girl genuinely wants to do it."

"And you're saying Clare didn't?"

I take a moment to think about it. "At first, I didn't think so. But now, I'm not sure. It's the only explanation Adam."

I hear him let out a long sigh. "Look, why don't you come to The Dot and hang with Dave and I for a while. Get some guy's nights in again."

_Man, I've missed those. _"I'll be there in a few," I reply before hanging up my phone.

Maybe Adam's right. I love Clare, I really do. But sometimes, she tends to be a little more dramatic than she should. Maybe she just needs some time to cool off. Everything should be fine on Monday.

As much as I repeat this to myself, I still have lingering doubts. Doubts about Clare being civil to me after this. Doubts about my own behavior. And doubts that what I think was going on with Clare today is actually what is consuming her thoughts.

A little while later, I open the door to the restaurant and spy Adam and Dave at a table to my left. I make my way over to them.

"What's going on, guys?"

"Just brainstorming some topics," Adam replies.

"It's not like I have anything else to do," Dave offers. I look over at him and give him a quizzical look. "Ever since getting into MIT, Alli has been too busy to even acknowledge me let alone make time to see me."

"Man, for once I'm glad I'm single. You guys have enough drama for all three of us." Adam laughs out.

I chuckle with him before pulling out my chair and sitting down.

"You too?" Dave asks me.

I just shrug my shoulders in response, not really wanting to talk about it. Adam decides to respond for me.

"Eli's got the opposite problem. As unavailable as Alli is to you, Clare is just as available to Eli."

Dave's eyes widen. "Whoa, so your girl wants to spend time with you and you reject her?" He shakes his head. "And I thought I had problems."

I jokingly glare at him. "Right because I'm the crazy one for rejecting my girlfriend because there's clearly something else going on with her and you're the normal one for obsessing over what some stupid hockey guys think instead of having sex with your girlfriend."

"Hey, I ended up going to Alli's that night," Dave states in an attempt to defend himself.

"Only thanks to me," I respond back to him.

"My main man, Eli." He states before reaching over and pulling my hand into our handshake we came up with on set. Adam just laughs at us.

We spend the next hour or so just joking around and talking about miscellaneous topics. I'm glad I decided to come. These two are a great distraction from everything going on.

"Maybe we can interview one of the hockey guys?"Adam suggests.

"Yeah, not in your life." Dave responds.

"Just think about it. You and I solved our differences over the radio, right? Maybe if we call them out in front of the whole school, they'll realize how homophobic they're being."

"Don't count on it," I say. "Those guys will say and do whatever they want, regardless of what the school thinks. How about you do a segment on _Romeo and Jules _instead?" I offer.

"We've already got that down, Captain Obvious." Adam jokes.

Just as I'm thinking of a comeback, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and realize it's a text from Clare. If I was being honest, I'm a little scared. I take a deep breath. _Here goes nothing. _I open the text expecting her to lash out at me, but as I read her words, I'm a little surprised.

"_Hey, Eli. I'm texting you because I'm not sure if you want to hear from me right now. I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I didn't mean to confuse you. I don't want you to worry about me or about us. Just focus on the musical and NYU. I'm supporting you every step of the way. I'll talk to you later, okay? I really am sorry."_

"Wow," I state.

"What's up?" Adam asks.

I hold up the phone for him to read. "See? I told you she was fine. Man, you freaked out over nothing."

I laugh as I feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. "Yeah, I guess so."

I look down at my phone and send her a quick reply.

"_It's okay, Clare. I just want us to be open with each other about anything. We're 'all-in', don't forget that. I'm sorry too. I've been worried since you left so I'm glad we're okay. But anyways, I'll call you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."_

Just as I send the text, the door to The Dot opens.

"Eli," I hear Bullfrog call my name.

I turn around in confusion. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk. Outside, now."

I immediately begin to worry because Bullfrog rarely gets this serious. I leave Adam and Dave and walk out the restaurant with Bullfrog following me.

"Bullfrog, what's going on?"

"Aren't you forgetting something, Eli?"

I furrow my brows together, puzzled by what he means. "Not that I know of."

I watch as Bullfrog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, white bottle. "Your medication."

My jaw drops in shock. What with everything that happened, I forgot all about taking my pills. "Crap. I can't believe I forgot them."

"Eli, you know how serious this is."

"I know, Bullfrog."

"Obviously not. You have to take your medication on time. You're lucky I remembered it and rushed here to bring it to you."

I close my eyes and drop my head in shame. "Thanks, Dad. It won't happen again."

I hear him sigh. "Eli, we just worry about you. And if Clare is –"

"I swear to you, this won't happen again. Clare has nothing to do with this."

Bullfrog stares at me for a few moments. "Okay, but you have to take care of yourself, kid. Got it?"

I quickly nod my head before he hands me my medication.

"Don't stay out too late, eh?"

"I'll be home soon. Thanks, Dad."

After he leaves, I open the bottle and shake a pill out. I swallow my medication before turning to go back inside.

I realize I have to stay focused. I can't unnecessarily worry like I did today. I have to prioritize my health. And I have to make sure this production is perfect. Besides, Clare said I have nothing to worry about. And I trust her when she says that.

**And that concludes chapter 10! Thanks for reading! :) Please feel free to leave your thoughts as I love them forever and always just as Clare loves Eli! (Seriously, how cute was that ending?) Anyways, I'll talk to you guys soon! Bye! :) **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey my lovely readers! :) Once again, I'd just like to take a moment to thank you all for leaving such amazing motivation for me after that last chapter. You are all way too sweet! I am so glad to have such a great response to this story. It truly does make writing it much easier when I'm writing for you guys! So this chapter has us focus back on Clare and her inward struggle. It turned out a lot different than what I had in my mind when I began writing it. But hey, sometimes the characters just write the story for me and that definitely happened with this one. So please enjoy! :)**

"_You don't have to walk me to my internship, Eli. I actually have the day off today."_

But what about the day after that? I groan as I realize I have to come up with a better excuse.

Maybe I can just sneak out of school quickly after the final bell before Eli finds me at my locker. Then if he asks, I can just say that they are making me start earlier than usual so I have to leave school as soon as the bell rings to make it on time.

But what if he says he'll leave just as quickly with me?

"_Everyone at The Toronto Daily contracted mad cow disease so the offices are closed."_

But what about when he sees copies of the newspaper and no one mentions anything about it?

"_My boss sexually harassed me and I was too afraid to tell you."_

Frankly, I'd much rather go with the mad cow disease than that last one.

I slam my locker shut in frustration.

"So I take out my frustrations on paper and you take out your frustrations on your locker. We make a pretty stable couple, don't you think?"

I turn around and give Eli a small smile. "I like to think so."

He laughs before leaning against the locker next to mine. "Clare, about Saturday –"

I cut him off. "Let's just forget it happened, okay?"

He sighs and remains quiet for a few moments. "I have something I need to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to react, but we agreed to be honest with each other."

My forehead creases in worry. "What's wrong?" I ask him. I haven't seen this look on Eli in a while. For the most part, he's kept himself happy enough that this expression of sadness and disappointment has almost become foreign to my sight. For a second, I think he has somehow figured it out. He must have picked up on all my strange behavior on Saturday. He must know what Asher did to me. And he must be angry at me for keeping this from him and disappointed at that same fact. I bring my hands together and twist my purity ring around as they begin to slightly shake. I try and blink back the burning in my eyes as I realize how deep of a hole I have fallen into.

"After you left, I was confused, worried. I couldn't really think straight." I watch as he fists his hands at his sides and stares at his feet. His next words are barely a whisper and I have to strain my ears to hear him above the noise of the Degrassi hallway. "I almost forgot to take my medication."

My eyes widen in shock. If there's anything different about Eli, it's the fact that he has remained responsible for his health. It's clearly his priority and I wouldn't want it any other way. But hearing this…knowing it's my fault Eli could have missed his prescription, I look down at the ground ashamed.

Ashamed that I caused this distraction and slightly ashamed that I'm _glad_ he didn't say what I thought he would. My face scrunches up as I realize how selfish I am being.

"Eli," I mumble. He glances up at me from under his eyelashes. I understand exactly what Eli needs right now. It's my support and my understanding. What he doesn't need is for me to tell him what happened at the office a few nights ago. What he doesn't need is for me to put even more weight on his shoulders. So instead, I reach out and gently pry at his fingers, unfisting his hands. I slip my hands into his. "I'm _so_ sorry I ran out like that. I can't even explain to you how sorry I am for confusing you so much. I promise you that I will do everything I can to be more understanding of your condition."

His head snaps up at my response. "What are you talking about?"

I look up into his alert eyes. "It's my fault you forgot. If I wasn't so dramatic, if I –"

"Clare, that's not why I told you. I don't need or want an apology. I just," he trails off. I decide to wait for him to formulate his thoughts. After a few moments, he speaks up. "I know it may not seem that important to some people to miss one medication. But it is to me. And it just didn't feel right keeping something from you that was pretty damn scary for me."

The irony of all this makes me want to cry. Right here, right now. In the middle of the hallway. Because I can't handle how much every part of me on the inside is shattering and screaming against my dishonesty to someone who gives me nothing but openness. I don't deserve that.

I give his hands a tight squeeze. "Thank you for telling me. You know what, Eli?" He looks up at me. "It takes a lot of courage to admit you're scared. And it takes a lot of maturity to want to be so responsible for your health. You've been nothing but strong since you've been diagnosed. One minor slip doesn't change that."

I watch as his frown slightly curves into a small smile. "You know exactly what I need to hear, Edwards."

I respond with a smile of my own. "Just doing my job," I state.

"_Just doing my job, Ms. Edwards." _I slightly jump back as Asher's deep voice from that very first day at _The Toronto Daily_ sounds in my mind.

Eli looks at me with furrowed brows and worried eyes. "Is everything okay?"

I bring my widened eyes to look at him. "Y-yeah, everything is fine." He gives me a doubtful look. "I just, um, got the chills all of a sudden." I laugh under my breath.

"You're wearing a cardigan," he states matter of factly.

I mentally slap myself for coming up with the worst possible excuse. "Right, but it's pretty thin fabric. The cold comes through sometimes."

I scan my eyes around the hallway, trying to look anywhere but at him. "Oh," he responds.

I hear him moving so I bring my eyes back to him and watch as he drops his black backpack and shrugs his jacket off his shoulders.

_Hey fate, you have a sick, weird sense of humor. _"Eli, you don't have to –"

"Uh, yeah I do. Can't let my girl be cold now, can I?" He lifts his jacket up towards me as I drop my bag and turn around. I slowly slip my arms into the material and giggle to myself when the sleeves fall past my hands. I push them up before bending down and grabbing my bag.

"Don't laugh. It's a little big," I quickly state before he has a chance to tease me.

"Laugh?" He inquires. I watch as he reaches his arms for my waist and I slightly tense, but my body is beginning to get used to the feel of his touch again. Something I am _very_ grateful for. I let him pull me closer towards him. "Clare, _nothing_ is more damn _attractive_ than seeing you in my clothes."

Before I even have a chance to blush at his comment, he angles down and touches his lips with mine. This my body did not have a chance to prepare for. And suddenly I'm no longer at Degrassi in Eli's embrace. I'm transported to that dark, cold office with Asher's hands holding me to him and his lips attacking mine. This can't be happening again.

I lift my hands to Asher's chest and push him away as hard as I can.

"Clare!"

Eli's voice snaps me out of the nightmare in my mind and brings me back to where I really am. My jaw drops and my eyes widen in shock as Eli is no longer right in front of me, but a few steps back. I remain frozen with my hands up and my feet glued to this spot.

"What the hell was that?" He asks me.

It dawns on me that I have no explanation. Not even a horrible excuse. I have nothing to describe to him why I reacted that way. I take a few steps backwards just as the bell rings somewhere in the distance. "I-I'm sorry," I tell him before turning around and walking towards my first class: chemistry.

_Please don't follow me. Please don't follow me. Please don –_

I feel his hand grasp mine before turning me towards him. "What just happened back there?" Eli asks me. After a few moments of my silence, I feel Eli's grip on my hand tightening just a little bit. "Clare," he says softly. "You have to give me something to work with. Why did you push me away?"

As gentle as his hands are, that grip is too much for me. "Let go of me. _Please_." I state with emphasis before trying to tug my hands from his.

He only tightens his grip more.

And all of a sudden his grip becomes Asher's. Strong, forceful. I almost sob in shame at allowing myself to make that comparison.

"Not until you tell me why."

"I don't know why," I whisper to him.

"That's not good enough, Clare."

I need to escape his grip, _now_. "Eli, I'm asking you to let go of me."

His expression shifts from confused to hurt. And I can't prevent my eyes from watering at the sight. He drops my hand and backs a few steps away from me. "You know what? Fine. I don't know what is going on with you and I don't know why you're acting like this, but when you finally feel like talking, come find me."

And with that he turns around and walks in the direction he came. Leaving me in the middle of the hallway with a few tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. I quickly wipe at them before making my way towards the classroom.

I take a few deep breaths in front of the door to calm my emotions knowing full well I can't walk into class looking like a mess.

None of this is fair. And I'm starting to get really angry at my situation. My boss harasses me and instead of karma deciding to go after him, Eli is forced to deal with the aftermath of what happened. At this point, I'd rather just struggle with all of this on my own. I can't burden Eli. I can't risk him forgetting his medication again. I can't be a trigger.

I just want to go back to before any of this happened. I want to be the girl before the attack. I want to be Clare Edwards, the happy and hopeful aspiring journalist. I don't want to be who I am right now. This isn't me. This emotional, confused, ashamed Clare who hurts the people she loves.

I want to be the girl who was ready for a drama free, fun year of high school.

I want to be the girl who was overjoyed every time Eli's hands held hers.

I want to be the girl who wasn't fearful every time she walked out the door.

I want to be the girl who didn't tense at every contact.

I want to be the girl who used to dream about everything and have nightmares about nothing.

I want to be the girl who was _happy_.

"Clare!" I look over to where Alli is attempting to run in her heels towards class. "We can't be late. What are you doing? Open the door."

As Alli gets closer to me, she stops in place. "What happened?" she asks in a concerned voice.

I bite my trembling lip. "I just really need my best friend right now."

And I let my eyes water again, but this time I do nothing to stop them.

Alli rushes over to me. "Okay, let me go and tell the teacher we'll be late. Hold on just a second."

I nod my head as she quickly rushes into the class. The sound of her heels echoes in the empty hallway. After a few more moments, she comes back outside. "She wasn't too happy, but I couldn't care less. Clare, what's going on?"

"Eli," I sob out.

Alli leads me over to a nearby bench. "What about Eli?"

"H-he got mad," I say as we both sit down.

"Why?" she asks in a low voice.

"Because I wouldn't tell him why I've been a little on edge these past few days." I look over at Alli. "I've been pushing him away both figuratively and literally." I laugh under my breath.

"What happened to make you do that?"

I take a few deep breaths before turning towards her. "I can't say it. If I say it out loud, it becomes real."

She looks at me with a worried expression. "Clare, you can't ignore something if it's bothering you this much. It's not going to go away that way."

"You think I don't know that?" I ask her. "I have tried everything to forget. Nothing works," I whisper.

She reaches out and holds my hand. I surprisingly don't flinch away. "I may not know what to say to you Clare, but I sure can listen."

I glance at her and realize that I'm only hurting myself and those around me by keeping all this inside. I have to tell someone. I'm not helping anyone by trying to deal with all this on my own. Maybe I shouldn't burden Eli with this since he has so much more to worry about, but Alli is someone I trust. And I think she might be able to carry some of this weight off of my shoulders. The weight that has been pushing down on my since Friday night.

"I'm sorry if I end up burdening you," I tell her.

She quickly shakes her head. "You're not."

I squeeze her hand in thanks before taking a deep breath. "You know my boss at the internship?"

Alli nods her head in response.

I close my eyes and transport myself to the scene of the attack. I relive it in my mind for a few moments. I take every detail in once again. I let my lips feel his. I let my cheek feel his hand's grasp. I let my nose smell his scent. I let my ears hear his husky voice. I let my heartbeat become rapid. I let my hands slightly shake in fear. I let the tears stream down my face. I let myself become overcome with every single emotion I possibly can in order to relay what happened to Alli.

I say the next words slowly. "He a-attacked me." I pause as I let that hang in the air for a moment. "He kissed me. He touched me. And I can't escape his grasp no matter how hard I try." I sob out.

"Oh my God, Clare."

"It's not fair Alli. I feel him _everywhere_. I can't even let Eli touch me because it reminds me of Asher."

"He sexually harassed you, Clare. Ignoring it isn't what you should be doing. You need to report him."

My eyes widen in shock. "No! I can't do that. T-that…It scares me, Alli. I can't," I trail off.

"But Clare how are you expected to deal with this while knowing he is getting off free? How is that supposed to help you move on?"

"I don't know!" I sob out. "But right now, I can't even think about doing that."

I hear Alli take a deep breath. "What about Eli? Don't you think he should know?"

I roughly shake my head back and forth. "I can't burden him with this. He's so busy with the musical, his NYU application, and dealing with his condition. I'm just trying to lessen his load. It would kill Eli to know this happened. He's always trying to keep me safe. I know Eli. He'll blame himself."

A few moments of silence follow as I'm sure Alli is contemplating all this in her mind. Finally, I hear her sigh before speaking up. "Whatever you need, you know I'm here."

I smile at her in gratitude before resting my head on her shoulder in emotional exhaustion from everything that happened this morning. As Alli embraces me, I can almost feel a little of my confusion and shame disappear. And the thought that maybe, just maybe, I can get through this echoes in my mind.

**And there you have it my dears. The secret is out. But there is still a lot of unresolved issues between Clare and Eli that will just have to wait for the next chapter. Please feel free to leave your thoughts on this chapter! I love hearing from you guys! See you all very soon! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello there! :) Can I just say how AWESOME you guys are? The responses you guys leave me are so heartwarming and please know how grateful I am for them! I read each and every review multiple times because I am so thankful that you guys took the time to leave me amazing motivation. Words are inadequate to describe how much I appreciate it, so thank you. You guys have honestly helped build my confidence as a writer and it allows me to take some risks with my writing and plotlines. Kind of like I did with this chapter. I don't know why, but this chapter really got to me as I was writing it. My heart is still beating quite quickly. I hope you guys are as excited about it as I am! Enjoy my loves! :)**

I half expected to see Clare waiting for me at my locker when the lunch bell rang. Okay, maybe half was pushing it. It's more like I wasn't expecting her to be there, but I was hoping. All throughout my classes, I was left hoping.

It's just about impossible to focus on vectors and free falling objects in physics when my entire mind is only able to conjure up images of what happened earlier this morning. All I can see is Clare's vulnerable expressions. All I can feel is how strongly and _fearfully_ she pushed me off of her. That was uncalled for. That was unexpected.

And that was the last straw.

I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that everything between Clare and I is all sunshine and rainbows. I'll leave those two things to Becky Baker, also known as Little Miss Sunshine.

I know she's hiding something from me. And that's not easy to deal with. There is a part of me that is upset with her for not being open with me when I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve around her. Just telling her about forgetting my medication was scary and shameful. But I did it. Why? Because Clare is more than just my girlfriend. She's my best friend. She's my partner. She deserves to know when things go wrong just as much as she deserves to be joyous with me when things go right.

And that is what a relationship with someone is all about. It is about being so in love with someone that you not only want, but you _need_ them to know everything about you, just like you need to know everything about them. I was dead serious when I told Clare there wouldn't always be those damn twinkly lights. When I warned her I would only do this if she was all in, situations like this one were what I feared. I didn't want conflicts like this to happen. We both had enough secrets and dealt with enough on our own the first time we dated to last us a lifetime. I not only prefer us being honest with each other, but I _can't_ be paranoid and worried all the time anymore. My health is already giving me trouble. More of this and I'll be honest, I fear I'll slip and fall right back down the "crazy Eli" slope. And that is the last thing I want.

Clare knew what she was getting into and yet she willingly chooses to keep something that is clearly bothering her from me. I can't wrap my mind around exactly what it could be. As much as I think about it, my mind comes up blank. It's so damn frustrating.

But then there is a part of me that quite frankly feels terrible. To see her struggling and knowing I'm not exactly helping, well, it makes me feel like an ass. This part of me just wants to punch not the wall, but _myself_ for walking out on her earlier today. Only a few days after reassuring her that I wasn't going anywhere. _What a great boyfriend you are, Eli. _

And these two parts of my conscience are at war. One part advocates doing more for my own health and state of mind. The other part promotes doing more for Clare. And I'm torn because I'm unsure of what to do.

There is only one way I know to win. And that would be if Clare told me the truth. Then both parts would get what they want and all would be right with the world. Well, maybe not the world, but at least I wouldn't have a stupid tennis match with my thoughts anymore. Going back and forth is exhausting.

But anyways, like I said, I knew she probably wouldn't, but I hoped she would meet me at my locker. As I turn the corner, I see someone waiting for me that I did not expect to be there. Honestly, I would have been less shocked had it been Clare.

"Alli?" I ask as I get closer to her.

She stops playing with her nails to look up at me. "Hi, Eli."

I come to a stop before her. "Look, if this is about Clare, I'd honestly rather just hear from – "

"It's not," she cuts me off. I give her a quizzical look. I watch as she opens her mouth slightly before closing it again. After a few moments of this motion, she speaks up. "It's about Dave."

_Oh, shit. Please don't tell me he's dropping out from the musical or something else like that. I could not handle that on my plate as well._ "Is everything okay?" I ask worriedly.

"He's fine. I think he's actually heading to the theatre to get more rehearsal in." She laughs. "I actually wanted to talk about Dave and I."

I'm confused as hell right now. "Okay," I say hesitantly.

"It's obvious that things between us have changed." She pauses as her gaze drops down to her shoes. "And I know some of it, well a lot of it, is my fault. I've been so preoccupied with everything else going on that I haven't had a chance to actually focus on Dave."

_I know way more about this relationship than I should. _"Umm, Alli? I think you have the wrong guy. Wouldn't you rather talk to Clare about this?" I ask her.

She adamantly and quickly shakes her head. "No. I want you to hear this."

_What the hell?_ I nod my head. "Alright, go on."

She offers me a small smile. "Thanks. So anyways, I wish that I had been more understanding of Dave's position. Granted, he should have been considerate of everything I'm dealing with, but I wasn't able to also be there for him. Even if I was confused about our relationship, I should have _fought_. Because when you love someone Eli, you don't just walk away."

I can take a hint when I hear one. "Why do I feel like this is more about me and Clare than about you and Dave?" I ask her.

She lets out a sigh. "Because it is."

I look up at the ceiling in frustration. "Alli, I can't deal with this right now."

"Yes, you can," she replies.

I glance at her before resting my gaze on the floor. "She's keeping something from me." I quietly tell her. "And I'm tired of acting like I don't notice how forcefully she's pushing me away. Nothing I do is getting through to her. And damn it Alli, I'm frustrated."

"I know, Eli, but please just listen to me. What if she couldn't tell you? What if she was worried about how you would react?"

"She should be able to tell me anything." I reply with a little more anger in my tone than I wanted.

"Like you were able to tell her about Julia and your hoarding?" I look up at her in shock. "Don't be mad at Clare for telling me. Poor girl was overwhelmed at the time." Alli shakes her head. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is you kept all of that a secret from Clare for how long? You didn't open up about your hoarding for at least a month into the relationship. Am I right?" I just stare back at her in response, slightly able to tell where she's going with this. "And I'm not saying you were wrong in doing that. You were trying to protect her from having to deal with it. Because you didn't want her to worry. And because you were, I don't know, embarrassed? Ashamed? Maybe what Clare is going through makes her feel like that."

A long silence ensues as I take in everything Alli has thrown at me. I got to admit, there is a hell of a lot of power in the small girl in front of me. There is way too much truth to her words than I would like to admit. And I don't know why, but I'm choosing to be more stubborn than I should. "So what exactly do you want me to do?" I ask her.

"Be patient with her."

"I've been nothing but patient, Alli."

"Then keep being there for her. She just needs to know you're not leaving. She can't handle that right now."

_Hold the phone. _"Wait, do you know what's going on with her?" I ask quickly.

I watch as Alli just stares back at me. After a few moments, she shakes her head. "I just know she's dealing with something. I think anyone with eyes can see that. But she told me you guys fought earlier. She was upset so I thought it my duty as her best friend to come beat the crap out of you," she laughs. "But I won't do that. All I'm going to ask is for you to give her some time. You love Clare, right?"

I feel my lips curve into a small smile as I slightly nod my head.

"Then act like it. Please." And with that she turns to walk away.

"Hey Alli?" I call out after her. She stops and turns around. I just give her a smile of gratitude. I think she gets it because she smiles back before starting down the hallway again.

I let out a long breath before turning back towards my locker. Much of what Alli said makes sense. I was so scared about what Clare's reaction to Julia and my hoarding would be. I felt like a lot of my issues were my fault. I was terrified she would see that. She would see how messed up I really am and she would run out the door while she still had the chance. Hell, I would have. But not Clare. Clare, frankly, was my angel. Yeah, yeah I know it sounds cheesy and sappy. But I don't give a crap. I would _never_ have cleaned out my room and dealt with my hoarding had it not been for the countless hours Clare spent talking me into throwing out meaningless, useless junk. I mentally slap myself. I owe her, that much I know. I owe her at least a little longer before walking away like I did this morning. I shake my head at myself before opening my locker and exchanging my books. I turn to head towards the theater. If Dave is in there, I could at least direct my attention to the musical. It'll force me to forget all this for a little bit.

Kind of hard to do since as I'm walking down the hallway towards the theater, I see Clare standing at the entry doors. And I feel relieved, and angry, and worried all at once. She looks the same as this morning in her dark blue floral dress and white cardigan. She's holding my black jacket in her clasped hands. Her hair falls slightly over her face as her eyes are fixed onto the floor. I guess she hears my approaching steps because she hesitantly lifts up her gaze to meet mine. I slowly make my way to her, but I stop a few feet away. No way in hell am I getting anywhere near her after the way she pushed me this morning.

I wait for her to say something. She just stands there. I wait a few more moments. More silence. _Great._

I let out a sigh in frustration. She turns her head up towards me at the sound. After taking a breath, she finally speaks up. "I, um, just wanted to return this. Thank you for letting me borrow it." Her voice is so light and gentle, it's almost a whisper. If I was being blatantly honest, I can almost feel parts of me break at the sound. Her vulnerability is so obvious and it hurts me to see her like this.

She holds the jacket out to me. "Keep it. It's yours." I respond back.

She looks at me with confused and slightly watering eyes. "I don't deserve that."

"You do," I respond before grabbing my jacket and draping it over shoulders. I make sure to keep my distance from her and extend my arms as far as I can.

She brings her right hand up to gently finger the fabric. Her softness makes me feel like she is as fragile as glass. I feel like she'll break at the slightest touch. I don't want that for her. I can't be the one to push her far enough that she does in fact shatter. I'm supposed to be the one that picks up the pieces when and if that happens. Or at least try and prevent it from happening in the first place. Which is my job as her boyfriend to begin with. So I have to push aside my anger, my hurt, and my frustration for a little longer and see how this plays out. Like I said before, I am indebted to this girl and I plan to make up for it.

"You're being way too nice about all this," she responds in that same quiet voice.

I shrug my shoulders. "What? Can't a guy want everyone in the school to know who his girl is? One way of doing that is having you wear my clothes. And besides, it'll be as if I'm with you when I'm physically not. I told you Clare, I'm not going anywhere," I remind her in an attempt to give her some sort of support as Alli asked me to. Maybe the more support I give, the easier she'll open up to me. Obviously pushing her to tell me won't work. Maybe this tactic will.

Her shaky lower lip wasn't exactly what I was hoping for in response. Worst part? I can't even comfort her. She obviously isn't too fond of me touching her at the moment. So I just have to stand here and watch as she tries to blink back her tears. _Damn it_.

"Clare," I whisper to her. "Can I…can I at least hug you?" I ask in a desperate attempt to get close to her.

I hear her sob before running into my arms and wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. I gently rest my left arm across her back and hold the back of her head in my right hand, bringing her small frame closer to my body. Against my better judgment, I leave a gentle kiss amidst the curls at the top of her head.

I swear when I finally find out what happened to Clare, someone is going to get hurt. Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, makes my girl like this. And it's my job to protect her and like hell is anything or anyone going to get away with hurting Clare.

And this is the time for that part of my conscience to speak up and try and calm my emotions. _Don't forget your own health. You won't be much help to yourself or to Clare if you lose it. _I repeat this to myself and slowly, but surely, a few deep breaths later, and I'm a bit more calm then before. I'm still fuming on the inside, but I can at least put on a neutral demeanor on the outside. I feel Clare slightly pull away from me. I look down at her.

She's biting her lip which means her mind is in overdrive. I've learned to just wait for her to figure out what she wants to say.

A few moments later, I watch as she slowly and hesitantly lifts herself up on her toes and gives me a light kiss on the cheek.

And she whispers a few words in my ear before rushing past me down the hallway. I don't get a chance to respond. I don't think I can even think of a response if I had the chance.

All I can do is bring up my hand to graze the spot on my cheek where her lips softly touched my skin.

And I stare straight in front of me as I let her whispered words sink in.

"_I love you."_

**And that concludes the lovely chapter 12! :) I really hope you guys enjoyed it. Please bare with me a little bit longer. I promise what you guys are waiting for is coming soon! I'd love to hear from you guys so please leave a review if you'd like. They make me feel like Cinderella when she found her Prince Charming! All giddy and excited! :) Love you all and see you very soon! :) **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi there my dears! :) You guys never cease to amaze me with your generous response to this story! It's so fantastic knowing that you guys are just as in love with it as I am. It makes it so easy to write when I know I have such lovely readers to write for. Like I said before, I cannot express my gratitude enough. I love you all! I'm sure all of you are anticipating when the truth finally comes out and let me just say to hang in there. It's coming. And with that, please enjoy chapter 13! :)**

I _cannot_ believe I just did that.

I quicken my pace and allow each footstep to draw me further and further away from Eli.

I'm excited I said it, don't get me wrong. It's the truth after all.

I push open a door to my right and walk outside into the much needed fresh air.

But oh my God, I've been jerking Eli around a tremulous mood rollercoaster. And that's not fair to him at all.

I realize I've walked straight into Jake and Katie's garden. I take a seat on a bench nearby a cluster of tomato plants.

I couldn't help it. He was being so understanding and compassionate. The complete opposite of the anger and rejection I deserved for the way I've been acting the past few days. The only words that had any chance of relaying to him how much I appreciate his response were those three words.

I tighten his large jacket around my small frame and let his lingering scent embrace me.

He deserved to know at least that seeing as how so many other things in my life have been kept from him.

I know I shouldn't have rushed off. It truly is unfair to him. If I was being honest, _I've_ been acting like the crazy one out of the two of us and I honestly never would have expected saying that.

But before I let myself go down that road, I can't help but feel a little let down. He didn't exactly say it back. Not that I gave him a chance to. But Eli didn't even chase after me. He didn't stop me and tell me he loves me too.

I groan in frustration with myself. How much do I expect from him? He's been everything patient and kind. And yet I want more. Again, that's unfair.

What is wrong with me? I'm not being honest with the one person in the world who deserves my honesty the most at the moment. All to protect him. But it's plain as day that keeping this from him is eating both of us alive. Him knowing the truth can't exactly do more damage, right?

Images of Eli's anger and schemes of revenge flash through my mind.

No, no. It _definitely_ can get worse.

Abruptly, I feel my phone vibrate in my purse, forcing me to escape my thoughts. I look down and shuffle through all the junk in my bag trying to find my phone. Finally, I spot it lighting up at the very bottom of the bag. I reach down and answer it quickly, not even bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I ask aloud.

"Hello, Clare."

My eyes widen.

My phone slips out of my grasp and falls into my lap.

And I stare straight ahead of me as if I'm in a trance.

"Hello?" I hear his voice ask loudly through the speaker. "Clare, are you still there?"

I quickly blink my eyes and robotically reach down and pick my phone back up. With shaking hands, I bring it back to my ear. "Yes, I'm here," I respond in a low voice.

"Great. I was just wondering if you would be able to come in early today. I know you have school, but if I called your principal, do you think he would be willing to let you leave early?"

"I, um…" I trail off. _What exactly is the protocol for skipping a day or two or twenty of work?_

I hear him let out a deep sigh on the other end. "I don't have all day, Clare. I have a lot of work to sort through today. Can you or can you not come in early?"

I feel anger rise up within me at his tone. I realize that I can't go back to _The Toronto Daily_. I can't face Asher every single day. I can't be in the same place where he attacked me. And it's not fair, but no one said life was. He takes advantage of me and I have to lose my job. _Lovely._ "I'm not coming in at all, Mr. Rickman."

"Excuse me?" He asks in response.

I clear my throat before repeating myself. "I will not be coming in to work today, or any day after that. I'd like to leave my position."

A slightly cynical laugh travels into my ear. "Why Ms. Edwards, you can't just do that."

"Why not?" I ask him.

"I'm actually looking over the internship contract right now. You signed that you would remain here for the whole duration of the position. If you violate that, I'm afraid we may have to take measures against you."

I almost drop my phone for the second time today. This can't be happening. "No," I whisper.

"I guess that means I'll be seeing you today? I'm assuming you won't be coming in early since you haven't given me a response about that."

I just remain silent as I realize the full extent of my circumstances. I can't even resort to my usual response of running from my problems. Life is more than just unfair, it's _cruel_.

And if life wants to play dirty, then so can I.

"I'd like to see the contract." I state.

"Sure, you can take a look at it when you come in today."

I shake my head as I respond, "I'd like to look over it before I come in. Is it possible for you to send it to me?"

"Well, I suppose I can e-mail you a copy."

"Okay," I respond.

"But I will be seeing you today, right?" He asks me.

Not wanting to answer that and honestly not knowing my answer, I just mumble a goodbye in response before hanging up the phone and returning it to my purse.

There has to be some sort of loophole, some way of walking away from that stupid office and everything that happened there without dealing with any repercussions. And I'll find that outlet if it's the last thing I do.

I stand up off the bench and quickly walk towards the computer lab, desperate to log onto my e-mail and extensively read every tiny word of that document. I find a free computer off to the back and make my way over there. Taking a seat, I shake the mouse to wake up the screen. I quickly enter my Degrassi log in codes before connecting to the internet and signing into my e-mail account.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize Asher actually did send it to me, and pretty quickly at that. I wasn't expecting him to comply with my request so easily. _He probably doesn't think I'll find anything to help me._

I open the document and begin reading. The first part is dominantly about my main roles and responsibilities, topics I am very familiar with. I continue on to read about being tardy and absent. My eyes widen and my mouth breaks into a grin as I read about how the newspaper grants me two sick days off for the duration of the position. Already one step ahead of myself, my hands reach back into my purse for my phone. I dial the main office number desiring to talk to a receptionist as opposed to a harasser.

"Hello and thank you for calling _The Toronto Daily_. This is Mary speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hi, Mary! It's Clare. I'm supposed to come in at my usual time today, but I think I've come down with something."

"Oh no! Are you alright?"

I decide to answer honestly. "Not remotely." It's the truth. "And I don't want to be contagious and spread whatever it is I have. So, if you could please just let Mr. Rickman know that I'm a little too sick to come into work, that would be great."

"Yeah, of course Clare. Will you be able to make it tomorrow?" she asks me.

I bite my lip as I think. "I'll see how I'm feeling in the morning and let you know. Thanks for your help, Mary."

"Anytime, Clare. Feel better soon!" she enthusiastically responds before hanging up the phone.

I take a deep breath as I realize things are going much better than I thought. Asher can't prove I'm not sick so it's not like that violates my contract. So far so good.

I return my attention back to the document and continue to read the remainder of it. I pass over a lot of information about communication and teamwork before finally reaching the end and landing on the position termination section. I jump in my seat when the bell rings signaling that the lunch period is over and the students remaining in the lab begin to pack their belongings and walk out. I was so caught up in my work that I forgot to keep track of time.

Oh well, I'd much rather be a few minutes late, but know what I am up against. I slowly read the information offered to me. The first part makes my stomach drop. Unless the newspaper itself deems me ill-qualified and fires me, the contract is still upheld. _Crap._

I read onto the next section and captivatingly take in every word. I whisper aloud as I read. "An employee may request a termination of their position in the following circumstances: a physical ailment prevents them from attending their shift, the employee relocates and can no longer commute to their shift, the employee is harassed by another member of the staff –"

I stop there. And I realize exactly what this means. All of a sudden, it feels as if my throat has closed up, making it a struggle simply to breathe.

This means what Alli asked me to do was right.

This means that the only way I can escape Asher is to do the one thing I am most terrified of doing.

I have to report him.

Maybe I didn't exactly lie on the phone a few minutes ago because I feel _extremely_ sick right now. A part of me wants to throw up. Another part of me wants to take a nap which wouldn't be a bad idea considering the fact that I haven't slept the past few nights from my nightmares. And this other part of me wants to cry, but I shush that notion up. I've cried enough.

I need to get home. There's no way I can make it to the end of the school day. Besides, I'm keeping up good marks in the two classes I have left for the day so I'm not too worried about skipping.

I make my way towards the nurse's office and lightly knock on the open door. I spend the next few minutes trying to convince her that I'm not feeling well. According to her, my temperature is, and I quote, "just fine". Which seems incomprehensible to me considering how horrible I'm feeling.

About ten minutes later, I finally end up convincing her. It only took a few tears and she was more than happy to let me lie down as she filled out the necessary paperwork.

My mom shows up a little while later to pick me up.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks with a worried expression as I slip into the passenger seat and buckle my seat belt.

"I'm not sure, Mom. It came on so suddenly," I respond.

She puts the back of her hand to my forehead. "You don't feel warm, but you look a little ill. Let's get you home. I'll cook up some soup if you'd like."

I smile at her in response. Her motherly reaction has definitely been something I've missed since our family broke apart. "That would be great, Mom. Thanks."

We remain silent for the majority of the short car ride to my house before I realize I didn't let anyone know I left. I grab my phone and send a quick text to Alli telling her that I just needed to rest and thanking her for this morning. I know she'll understand. I decide it's only right to let Eli know as well. I pause for a few moments, thinking of what to say. I type out a message.

"_Hey, Eli. I wasn't feeling very well so I decided to go home a little early. I'm fine, don't worry. Just need some rest. Have a good rehearsal today. And I meant what I said earlier, I love you."_

I read it over a few times and finally happy with it, I click send just as my mom pulls into the driveway.

"Why don't you hop in and take a hot shower while I put together the soup?" My mom suggests as we walk into the kitchen.

I nod my head. "A hot shower sounds perfect."

So, I make way up the stairs and undress. I gently drape Eli's jacket over my bed before heading into my bathroom and turning on the water on. I wait a few moments for the water to heat up before stepping in and letting the water run over my body much the same way I did the night Asher kissed me.

I can buy myself at least two days off and plead sickness. But I have no way of avoiding Asher and the scene of my attack forever unless I report him.

I can't explain to you how scared that idea makes me feel. This whole ordeal is a sensitive topic to everyone. No one likes to hear about a young girl being sexually harassed. It's one of those things people know exist, but hate to talk about. They ignore its presence hoping that makes it unreal somehow. So for me to acknowledge that it happened, I'm making it real. I'm letting everyone know about the shame that I've been through. What girl wants everyone she knows to look at her with pitiful glances? Or worse, what girl wants everyone to judge her? I can already hear their whispers as I walk down the hallways at school, "Oh that's the girl who slept with her boss" or "That's the girl who put out to get ahead". As sad as it is, people are cruel enough to stretch the truth that far. And I'll no longer be Clare Diane Edwards. I'll just be "that girl".

And I can't handle that happening to me. I can't handle that happening to the people I love. I can just imagine what Eli will have to hear. I can picture one of those dumb Ice Hounds heckling him, "Hey you're the dude whose girlfriend cheated on you with her boss. Guess you weren't satisfying her enough."

Or even worse, what if no one believes me? I have no evidence of the attack. There are no security cameras inside the office. It'll be my word against his. Who would believe a small high school girl over a well known newspaper editor?

I lean my forehead against the shower wall in hopelessness. I lose either way. If I don't report him, I must deal with the trauma of being in close proximity of my harasser every day I go into work. If I do report him, I run the risk of no one trusting my story or everyone trusting my story, but twisting it to please their own gossiping mouths.

This isn't a problem anyone can solve. Because there is no correct answer.

I turn off the water before stepping out of the shower and drying myself off with a towel. After slipping into my soft and comfortable pajamas, I take a seat on the side of my bed and close my eyes. I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves before opening my eyes again. I shift my glance over to the framed photo standing on my bedside table of Eli and I that Adam took for us at his party just around a month ago. We're sitting on the bench I found him at right before I was about to leave the party. He has one arm around my shoulders and the other leads to where my hands are clasping his free hand in his lap. We're both smiling. We're both happy.

So much has changed.

I set the frame back in place and curiously eye a book under a stack of papers. I lift up the papers and reach under to pull the thick book out. I immediately recognize the light purple cover. It's the Bible I've had since I was a little girl. I bring it closer to me before flipping through the pages randomly. I can see verses I've highlighted and pages that I've marked. So much effort put into a faith that I don't fully understand anymore.

I ask the same question that I did when my parents told me of their plans to divorce. _"If Jesus loves me so much, why does He want me to go through this?"_ If everything happens for a reason, why do I have to struggle through this?

I pause with my flipping when my eyes land on a small paper I stuck between two pages. I read it over and realize it was probably given to me during one of our Sunday school meetings. It's a simple yellow paper about the size of a post-it and on it are typed the words of The Serenity Prayer. I whisper the words aloud, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

I let myself ponder over those words.

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change what Asher did to me. I cannot change the fact that my only options are detrimental to myself and those around me.

Courage to change the things I can. I can change the fact that I'm drowning in my own lies and secrets. I can change the way I'm treating Eli.

Wisdom to know the difference.

It dawns on me that there are some things I just have to acknowledge and admit. And there are some things I have to alter. And I need to ask for the wisdom to know what I can and cannot change.

_But God, what am I supposed to do? I don't know which option to take. Even if I accept what has happened to me, how can I change my future? Do I report Asher or not? Do I tell Eli or not? And how exactly am I supposed to report Asher without having Eli's support?_

A knock on my door forces me out of my prayer. I close my Bible and return it to the table. "I brought you some chicken noodle soup. Your favorite," my mom perks up as I shift to lean back against the headboard.

I smile in gratitude when she hands me the bowl. "It smells great. Thanks, Mom."

"Go ahead and finish that up. Try and get some rest. I'll come check on you in an hour or so, okay?"

"Sounds good."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again, Mom."

She smiles back at me before walking out of my room and slightly closing the door behind her, but leaving a little of it open. I take a sip of the soup and am immediately drawn to my childhood. I realize that today has been the most motherly my mom has acted in a long while. And I am really grateful for it. She returned exactly when I needed her.

I spend a few silent minutes finishing up most of the bowl before my exhaustion hits me. I set the soup on the table amidst the photo frame, Bible, and papers. I reach over and grab Eli's jacket as I slip under the covers, taking it with me. I open it up and drape it across my body as I curl into his scent. I shift into a comfortable position before letting my droopy eyes finally close. I can only hope no nightmares plague my sleep this time.

I wake to the sound of Jake walking through the hallways on his way downstairs for his usual nighttime snack. How do I know this? I've been wide awake these hours of the night for the past few days. I sneak a glance over to my clock. It's a little past one in the morning. I yawn before stretching my arms above my head and sitting up in place. Eli's jacket falls to join my blankets as I do so.

And all of a sudden, with his lingering scent still in my senses, it becomes crystal clear to me.

I asked God for an answer and He gave me one.

I've been asleep since around four in the afternoon. And not once did I have a nightmare throughout that whole duration. The only thing different was Eli's jacket. It kept me safe. It kept me warm. It embraced me almost as if it was Eli in the room with me.

I slip out of bed and quickly change into a t-shirt and running shorts. I slip my arms into the black jacket before putting on my running shoes and grabbing my phone.

I wait for Jake to return to his room before silently tiptoeing down the stairs and out the door. The cold air feels good against my warm skin.

I turn towards my right and begin running.

I have to tell him.

I have to tell him because I need help.

Because I'm driving myself insane.

Because I _can't_ do this on my own.

And I need answers to questions Eli might help me solve.

Granted, he'll be angry. He'll be disappointed. He'll be hurt. But he promised that he's not going anywhere.

And call me selfish, but I _need_ him right now.

I stop running and bend over in an attempt to catch my breath. I take in my surroundings and realize I'm not too far from the abandoned church. The place that just a few days ago proved an escape for Eli and I.

I shift my body and start walking towards that destination as I reach into the jacket pocket to pull out my phone and dial Eli's number.

My heartbeat accelerates as the rings continue to sound into my ear. _Please, please, please pick up._

The rings stop and I get hopeful as I await his greeting, but all I hear is his voicemail message. My heart sinks. My eyes tear. My hands shake.

In my desperation, I redial his number.

I hear one ring.

And just as the second ring sounds, he picks up. "Clare?" he asks groggily into the phone.

"Eli!" I practically yell.

I realize this must have woken him up and simultaneously driven him into cardiac arrest. "What's wrong?" He asks in a more alert voice.

"S-something terrible happened and I need you."

I hear movement on the other end of the line. "Where are you?" His panicked and worried tone is evident to my ears.

"At the abandoned church," I respond.

"At one-thirty in the morning? Clare!"

I realize exactly where Eli's mind has traveled. Me, alone, at night, at an abandoned church. "I'm safe. Don't worry about that."

I hear him swear softly. "Just please don't go anywhere. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"

I softly shut my eyelids as slow tears stream down my face. "Thank you."

"Stay on the line."

"I know."

I hear the rattling of keys as I'm assuming Eli's borrowing Bullfrog's car. He's not fond of Eli driving, let alone driving his most prized possession. I hope he'll make an exception just this one time.

Just as I hear the car door slam shut, I speak up. "Eli?"

I hear the ignition as Eli turns the car on. "I'm here."

I let out a sob at the loaded meaning behind those words.

Eli lets out another curse. "Clare, please. What happened?"

"I can't say it. Not over the phone."

I hear him sigh before responding. "Alright, I'm almost there."

"Eli?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. Please remember that."

There is silence on his end. My hands shake with my fear and nerves.

After an eternity, I hear his voice again. "I'm panicking, Clare."

_Oh, gosh._ "Calm down. Please."

"How am I supposed to calm down when you're talking like this?" He hurriedly asks me.

"I'll explain everything. Just please drive safe."

I hear him take a few deep breaths to calm himself. "I'm just down the block. Hold on a little longer, Clare."

"Eli, promise me you'll remember that no matter what, I love you. Promise me." I demand just as he did so long ago when we were both sitting in Morty after dealing with the Fitz ordeal.

"I promise."

As soon as he says it, the brightness of his headlights shines at me and the abandoned church.

**What an emotional rollercoaster, no? Don't hate me for leaving it there. I promise to update soon! :) Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter. I think we all know where this is headed so stay tuned for the big reveal! Please leave your thoughts as I always love hearing from you all. Your reviews are such lovely motivation and never cease to bring a smile to my face. :) Thank you for reading and see you soon my loves! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again! :) Before I talk about this chapter, I'd just like to again reiterate how thankful I am for all the love and support you guys have given me. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I could write a story that would conjure up such a great response. You all are too amazing for words! Thank you! :) Alright my dears. The time has come for the big reveal. I think my biggest struggle when sitting down to write this was deciding whose perspective to write in. I had reasons for each, but in the end, I chose Clare's since this is her journey after all. Prepare yourselves, it is an emotional ride. Enjoy! :)**

I suck in a breath as Eli parks the car across from me on the opposite side of the gate. As he shuts off the car, I notice he leaves the headlights on to provide us with some sort of light. Not too bad of an idea considering how dark the night sky is and how the large trees encompassing the area block any sort of light from the surrounding areas attempting to get in.

I watch as he opens the driver side door and begins to run over to me after hastily shoving it closed.

I know he wants to embrace me. And with every thought in my mind, I want nothing else. I need a refuge his arms can provide because to put it plain and simple, I am exhausted. I'm worn. And I need support. But I also know how my body and mind are at conflict. The last thing I need right now is to have sudden contact.

I hold up my hands, palms towards him. "Slowly, please," I tell him. He immediately stops just a few feet from me and seeming to understand, he gently reaches out to me. I can tell what Eli is doing. He's allowing me to come to him. He's allowing me to be in control.

I hesitantly slip my hands in his. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I grow accustomed to the touch. Keeping my eyes closed, I take tiny steps forward until I feel myself grace Eli's body. This is when I open my eyes and look up to meet his.

With the help of the dim light from the headlights, in his shaky eyes I see worry and concern. I see confusion and fear. I see hints of frustration and anger. All of which is understandable.

With the surge of emotion at seeing Eli's expression, I throw my arms around his neck and bring myself as close to him as physically possible. I cling to the fabric of his shirt. I feel his arms slowly wrap around my waist before tightening and I burrow my face in the crook of his neck in response.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." I hear him say. "You can't even imagine what has gone through my mind since you called."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I just, I needed you." I ponder my words for a moment. "I _need_ you," I correct.

He pulls away from me. As he brings up a hand to brush some stray tears that have yet to leave my face, he speaks up. "Tell me what's going on." There is no frustration or forcefulness in his voice. His tone is gentle and soft.

And for the life of me I cannot comprehend why my linguistic abilities have all of a sudden ceased to function.

I open my mouth to tell him. To tell him everything about Asher and my harassment and my, well, unfaithfulness to him. I know what happened wasn't my choice, but I can't help but feel that my lips touching lips that weren't Eli's are a consequence of my own actions. I feel dirty at the thought.

But how am I to express all this to him without causing him pain? How do I tell Eli that I'm teetering over a cliff and that I know with every part of me that I'm mere inches away from falling into the abyss below?

Words are inadequate.

"Clare?"

I look up at him and slowly back away from his embrace.

He takes in a deep breath. "Why did you call me tonight?"

I just remain in my paralysis much the same way I was when Asher began his advances towards me. My mind is screaming at my body to do something, _anything_. But it refuses to comply. It only continues to step further away from the one person who could grasp me before I fall.

"Answer the question," he says a bit more forcefully.

"I c-can't," I stutter in response while shaking my head.

I watch as Eli looks around as if the answers to my issues are somehow written in the forest surrounding us. He runs a hand over his face in frustration. Even from here, I can see him swallow deeply and after a few moments, he speaks up and his words are like knives stabbing away at every part of me.

"I am at the end of my line, Clare. You've given me _nothing_ to work with. I feel like you've been pushing me away and no matter how hard I try, it just seems to be getting worse." He walks towards me. "And I can't do this anymore."

I let out a sob at his last words. _No, no this can't be happening. I can't lose him too._

He stops right in front of me and not even bothering to be gentle, he quickly grasps my hands and seemingly ignores the way I slightly flinch away from him. "There is something eating away at you. I know that. And it kills me that you're keeping it from me. I feel like I don't even exist in your life these days." He pauses. "You have to give me something here, or else I'm done Clare."

"No, please Eli. Don't say that."

"You aren't giving me much of a choice. You can't keep jerking me around like this. I can't lose my health, Clare. You have to understand that."

I purse my lips to try and hide my quivering mouth. I slightly nod my head. "I know," I whisper. "But I'm scared." My voice comes out in a shaky high pitch.

"Don't be. Nothing you say will make me turn away. But if all I'm getting is silence, then I have no choice."

I look towards the side and suck in a breath. I can't keep doing this to him. I can't keep doing this to myself. He needs to know. He deserves to know.

I lower our hands and slowly leave his touch. I immediately feel cold without it. I wrap my arms around myself in a desperate attempt to shield off the pain that is about to consume me at reliving each and every horrible emotion from that night.

"On Friday night, Asher asked me to help him with some editing after the meeting. I was so excited. To think that he wanted _me _of all people to work on his tasks with him. I agreed. That's why I left so late."

After a few moments of my silence, he responds. "Keep going."

"This isn't easy, Eli." I whisper.

I hear him sigh before lightly grasping my arm and leading me to sit on a cement block that used to be a part of the church walls. He kneels down in front of me.

"Talk to me. I won't be mad."

I shake my head. "You don't know that."

"Clare, please. Just tell me."

I reach for his hands which he readily offers me. I need him to anchor me down because everything I'm about to tell him feels like a tsunami tearing me away from the safety of the shore.

"While we were working, h-he stopped all of a sudden." I close my eyes and I can vividly see Asher reaching towards me. "He reached forward and touched my cheek." I clench Eli's hands tighter as I watch Asher coming towards me. "And he tried to k-kiss me, but I leaned away. So he tried again, and this time he did." I see Asher's hand roaming around my body in places they don't belong. I taste the salty water falling from my eyes as I continue. "I couldn't move. So he continued to kiss me and then his hand…he _touched_ me, Eli." I sob out. "He touched me and it was uncomfortable and strange." I don't even dare open my eyes to see Eli's expression. The tight grasp our hands have on each other is more then enough for me to know this is hurting him every bit as much as it is hurting me. "I tried to get away, but he was so strong. I pushed him, but he was bigger than me. I was all alone fighting against someone who towered over me." I take a deep breath to calm my shaky voice. "But I did, Eli. I fought and I ran away."

I finally open my eyes. His expression hits me with the weight of a ton of bricks.

He looks pained.

He looks hurt.

He looks _furious_.

"But no matter how far I run, all I think about is what he did, what he felt like. Eli, whenever you touch me, it feels like him!" I'm past the point of calm. "And nothing I do is making that go away."

He lets go of me and stands up before backing away from me.

I knew it. He should be walking as far away from me as possible. It would kill me, but I know that's what he needs. What he doesn't need is this burden. He doesn't need a girlfriend seconds away from losing it.

"How could you not tell me?" He asks with a lining of anger to his tone.

I stand up. "I didn't want to add more to your plate."

He scoffs at me. "You can't be serious, Clare. You're supposed to be able to tell me anything. I don't give a fuck what I'm dealing with at the time."

I flinch at his words as Eli rarely allows himself to swear around me. "Maybe I was scared." I pause.

"Of what?" He asks.

"That you would be mad at me." I say it in such a soft tone I'm surprised he heard me.

"Clare, I'm only frustrated that it took you this long to tell me. I can't be mad at you for what happened."

"Really?" I ask him in a low voice.

"This isn't your fault." He states.

"Then why do I feel so dirty?" I ask him. When he doesn't respond, I slowly begin to let go of any restraints on my emotions. "I've been losing my mind! I'm terrified to walk out the door every morning. I can't even kiss you without feeling like I'm being attacked. It's not fair!" I sob out. "All I wanted was to be a journalist. He took that from me!"

"No, Clare. Don't let him do that."

I ignore Eli's comment as I reach down towards my left ring finger. "He took away my sense of security, my state of mind. This stupid ring doesn't mean anything anymore." I twist off my purity ring and fling it towards the abandoned church. It comes in contact against a wall and the sound it makes echoes around us. "I feel ashamed, Eli. No matter how hard I try, that feeling isn't going away."

He walks towards me. "You're not going to be alone in this anymore, okay? We'll get through this."

I want to believe him. I want to trust in his words. But I just can't.

I shake my head. "You don't understand. I am trying everything I possibly can to be the girl I was before this. To be the girl you deserve, the girl who used to make you happy. But I can't, Eli! My mind and my body are at a disconnect. Whatever I try to fight against confusing your touch for Asher's fails. It's like my mind and body have given up on me."

He looks down and reaches for my hands. He gently grasps them in his. "Is this okay?" He asks me.

I nod in response.

Knowing I'm comfortable with his touch, he continues. "I'm not giving up on you, do you hear me? You're going to get through this. I'm not saying it'll be easy. But I'm going to be with you every step of the way. He will not get away with doing this to you."

My eyes widen. All those schemes of revenge flash through my mind again. "No, Eli. I already know what I have to do. And it terrifies me."

He gives me a quizzical expression.

"I signed a contract saying that I would remain at the newspaper for the whole duration of the internship. The only way out is to report him."

"You haven't reported him yet?" Eli's voice rises.

I shake my head. "I couldn't. That's why I needed you today. I just found out that the only way out is to report him. And I can't do that alone."

"You won't have to."

I look up at him. "But you have so many other things to worry about."

He shakes his head to stop me. "Stop it, Clare. You're more important than everything else and you know that."

Words can't describe how I feel right now. I'm so grateful for Eli that it _hurts_. I physically can't contain my emotions at his unwavering support and loyalty.

I jump towards him and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you," I sob out.

After a few seconds, he responds. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. And I'm sorry for how I've been acting. For getting mad and –"

"No," I cut him off. "You have no reason to apologize."

I'm not sure how to relay to Eli exactly what I'm thinking.

You see, he may not have actually been there to stop Asher from attacking me, but he is the one thing protecting me right now.

Because love is protection.

It is the one force strong enough to protect us from ourselves.

And had Eli not been here holding me right now, I know for a fact that I would have been stranded in the abyss somewhere. Alone and without hope.

He's pulled me back. He's lead me away from the cliff.

And I will spend every day for the rest of my life thanking God for giving me Eli.

I pull back and wipe away at any remaining traces of tears. I rest my hands on his chest unable to meet his eyes as I make my request. "Will you go somewhere with me?" I ask him.

He tilts his head in question.

"Will you take me to church?" I ask in a soft voice.

"Right now?" he inquires.

I nod my head. I know Eli thinks my religion is bogus, but there was something about the girl I used to be that I want to cling to. She was stronger than this. She believed in something. She had hope and faith. Even if I can't go back to who I was before this, I can at least try to get that back.

"Okay," he responds. "Just give me one second."

He walks past me and I watch him in confusion. After a few moments, he bends down before returning back to me. "Come on. Let's go."

I let him lead me to the passenger seat with his hand lingering over the small of my back.

He opens the door for me and I slip into the seat. He crouches down next to me.

I look straight into his eyes with curiosity. He just stares back at me. We remain this way for a few moment. Green eyes penetrating blue ones.

"Clare, I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. But I will promise to be patient with you. I promise to fight this with you. I will be here. I'm _not_ going anywhere."

I watch as he reaches over to grasp my left hand and bring it closer to him. "I know you don't feel like purity describes who you are anymore. But Clare, you were strong enough to stop him before it got too far. And what happened wasn't your choice. This still means something. What he did doesn't define you. This does."

My eyes water as Eli opens his right hand holds my ring in his fingers.

Ever since my parents told me they were going to get divorced, I tried not to get my hopes up. I tried not to dream as much as I used to.

But as Eli slowly puts my ring back onto my finger, I let myself, if only for a brief moment, imagine the day when Eli will be down in front of me for a different reason. A much happier reason. Slipping a ring onto my finger much like he is now.

"Thank you," I whisper to him.

He gives me a small smile in response. I watch as he contemplates whatever it is he wants to do.

"Don't worry, Eli. You can touch me. Just go slowly."

I watch as he ever so gently and slowly brings his hand to cup the back of my neck.

I angle my body lower towards his and close my eyes, allowing him to try and be in control. I wait a few seconds before feeling Eli's breath fan my face. "Just tell me if you feel uncomfortable."

I just nod in response as, for the first time in what seems like forever, my body tingles in excitement for the feel of his lips.

He subtly brushes his lips against mine. It is so light a touch that I almost don't feel it.

His lips return with slightly more force than before as he takes my top lip in between his. Neither of us moves. I can feel the tension in my body at the contact, but it's not strong enough to make me want to pull away from him. Because overriding my body's feeling of fear is my insides surrendering to the immense amount of joy that comes with the slightest feel of Eli's lips. His contact is soft. I feel nothing but safe. We remain like this with our lips touching for a few moments before he slowly pulls away. I almost whimper at the loss of contact, but I realize he isn't going anywhere as his forehead goes to rest softly against mine.

It was perhaps the gentlest kiss I've ever experienced. And yet it also held the most emotion.

"Clare?"

I hum a response as my eyes remain closed.

He remains silent and I open my eyes with curiosity.

His eyes stare right into mine.

"In case it wasn't obvious," he laughs under his breath. "I love you too."

And for the first time since that fateful night, I feel hope.

**And there you have it! :) Please, oh please, let me know what you thought! I hope you all are happy with the way things panned out for our lovely Eclare. This is not the end of the story so stay with me. There are some things still to come! :) Thanks again for reading and I cannot wait to read what you guys feel about it! I love you all more than words can describe! See you soon! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello my darlings! :) You guys blew me away with the response to the last chapter! I seriously could not stop smiling at every review. You guys are too sweet for words! I'm just very happy that it lived up to what you guys were expecting. :) I worked hard on it so it's great that you all loved it as well. My sincerest apologies for the late update. As one reviewer said, college is a killer! But this chapter is quite long so I hope that in some ways makes up for it. I'm super excited for where this is all going so as always, enjoy! :)**

How I have the ability to drive right now is beyond me.

I sneak a glance at Clare who is sitting still in the passenger seat and looking straight ahead while holding my one free hand in both of hers. Holding is probably an understatement. Grasping? Yeah, that describes it pretty well.

A grip so tight that I doubt I have much feeling left in my fingers, but I'm not complaining. I need to feel her, to have her keep me grounded as I feel a shitload of emotions hit me at once.

I curse inwardly at the situation. _I_ need to be strong for _her_. I need to be the calm and collected one. I need to be her rock. Not the other way around. Clare needs some sort of stability to keep her anchored with all this coming over her. What she doesn't need is to worry about her bipolar boyfriend losing it.

Sometimes, I really, really hate this stupid diagnosis.

"Take a right at the light," her soft voice breaks the silence in the car.

I do as she directs and a few minutes later, I pull up against the curb in front of the church I'm assuming Clare has been attending her whole life.

I watch her as she gazes out the window. She doesn't make a move to exit the car. She simply sits there, her hands appearing reliant on the grip they have on mine. After a few moments, I speak up.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I ask her although it isn't exactly my cup of tea.

Her head snaps around to look at me as if just coming out of her mind and realizing her surroundings. "N-no. This is something I have to do on my own."

I nod my head at her in response. "Is it even open?"

"Nope," she responds while shaking her head. "But there is a little prayer area in the courtyard towards the back. It's always lit with candles at night." I hear her take in a deep breath. "It's peaceful," she whispers as she exhales.

And peace is exactly what Clare needs. Seeing as how I'm seconds away from losing it, I let go of her hands and walk out of the car. I make my way over to her door and open it for her as she steps out.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," she tells me.

"Take your time."

She gives me a small smile before grabbing my hands and giving them a squeeze. "Thank you," she whispers.

I realize I'm so used to kissing Clare when responding to things like that, and seeing as how I can't do that at the moment, I don't know what to say or do in reply. She doesn't seem to mind however as she lets go and begins walking towards the courtyard she mentioned.

As soon as she turns the corner of the building and I lose sight of her, I begin counting. _Five…four…three…two…one_.

I slam her door shut and the sound it makes echoes around me. I freeze thinking Clare may come back after hearing the unnecessarily loud noise. But after a little while, she is nowhere to be seen and I let myself give in to my emotions.

I slam my fisted hands onto the roof of Bullfrog's car. That…that bastard! No one, and I mean no one, fucking touches my girl.

I can imagine him towering over Clare's small frame. Forcing himself onto her. I let out a curse at the thought.

Clare's tiny size is exactly what naturally calls out my protective side. It only takes one embrace for me to understand how my larger frame encompasses hers. I can't help but feel the need to keep her safe.

And this asshole abused that. He took advantage of her. And for the life of me, I can't comprehend how anyone could do that to Clare.

She's the most innocent, pure, _good_ person I know. It's not fair that she has to be a victim of some grown man's perverted fantasies.

I knew there was something off with him after a short introduction. The way his eyes devoured Clare's body. I shudder at the memory.

All of a sudden, everything makes sense. The phone call Friday night, the bedroom incident, the hallway. All of it stemmed from this.

What kills me more than anything is that it took Clare this long to tell me. My anger at that _almost_ surpasses my anger at Asher.

She felt like she couldn't tell me. That I was too distracted with the play or too focused on NYU.

She also feared this taking me steps back from all my progress with my health. She felt like she couldn't open up to me because I'd lose it. She thought I'd go crazy.

How _fucking_ sad is that? I can't even do my job. I can't protect Clare. Why? Because she's too afraid that my mental state is so fragile that the tiniest thing will set me off. So she tries to deal with something pretty damn serious on her own.

As her boyfriend, I can't help but feel like it is my job to keep her safe. To provide for her whatever she may need. I'm here to be strong for her when she can't do things on her own. She shouldn't be worried about being dependent on me for anything. She shouldn't think I'm too weak to handle the burden.

I walk away from the car towards the apartment complex next to the church feeling the intense need to punch something, anything. I need to get rid of these emotions.

I'm angry at Asher.

I'm angry at myself.

I'm hurt for Clare.

I fist my right hand as I walk towards the side wall of the apartments. Taking a deep breath, I allow my fist to come into contact with the wall with so much force I wish it broke through it and Asher's face was on the other end. _Shit_.

That hurt.

I glance down at my hand and watch as tiny specks of red begin to appear where the wall scraped my skin.

I shake my head at myself and walking back towards the car, it finally settles in what I'm doing.

I'm letting my emotions control me instead of the other way around. That's what the psychiatrist had said, hadn't she? She told me I'd feel emotions stronger than normal people. That too many emotions and too much stress could lead to me a manic episode. She said it was imperative that I balance my life, that I work ten times harder than everyone else to not be overwhelmed.

And what do I do as soon as I am slightly taken aback by my emotions? I punch a freaking wall.

I back up against the hood of the car and let my shoulders slump in disappointment. I'm better than this. I haven't come this far just to let one incident make me lose it.

_Deep breaths, Eli._

I close my eyes and spend a whole minute inhaling and exhaling, attempting to control the emotions pumping through my veins. If I can just slow everything down, my heart rate, my breathing, I can be in control.

I owe it to myself to push through. It doesn't matter what I'm dealing with. _Romeo and Jules, _NYU, Clare. I have no choice but to keep it together. For myself and for those around me. The last thing I want is another repeat of what happened during _Love Roulette_.

I've gotten so much healthier since then and I'm not letting anything set me back. Nothing is worth going back to that time.

"Eli?"

My head snaps up to Clare's place on the sidewalk. "How long have you been standing there?" I ask her.

"Not long, but long enough to know you're not okay."

"I'm fine," I lie.

She walks over to me and grabs my hand. Both our eyes wander to my now red knuckles. "This is not fine," she whispers.

I jerk my hand away from hers. "It was a mistake. It won't happen again." I glance away from her.

"I-I'm so sorry!"

My eyes catch her slightly watering ones as she lets out a sob.

"For what?" I ask her.

"For this," she reaches for my hand again. "For dumping this on you at one in the morning. For forcing you to deal with my mistakes. I knew this wasn't a good idea."

"Hey," I call out to her in a low voice in an attempt to lift her gaze from my hand. "Clare, look at me." I bring my free hand under her chin and force her eyes on mine. "I'm _not_ going to go crazy. I won't let any of this do that to me. Understand?"

She nods her head slowly. "But it looks bad," she states in reference to my hand.

"Well, if you promise to be my personal nurse to get me through this injury, I may be able to fight death and survive." I smirk at her. I just need her to smile again.

Cue Clare's giggles. Oh how I've missed that sound. "I promise," she whispers.

I smile at her. "Good. Now that that's settled, are you read to go?"

She bites her lip.

"What is it Clare?"

"Can we maybe just…what I mean is can you, um…"

"Spit it out, Edwards." I laugh.

"Can you just hold me for a little bit?" she asks in such a soft, vulnerable voice that it affects every part of me.

I take a deep breath before pulling her towards me. "Come here," I say just as Clare wraps her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her but am sure not to be too tight so as not to make her uncomfortable.

I feel her rub her cheek against mine. That slight touch is enough to send shivers down my body.

After a little bit of just holding Clare, I feel moisture on my cheek. As much as it kills me when she cries, I decide it's better to just allow her to let out whatever is left in her system. As much as it sucks, there really isn't anything else I can do. I whisper random words into her ear.

"I'm here, Clare."

More sobs.

"It'll be okay."

The sobs continue.

"We'll get through this."

Every sob is like someone taking a stab at me with a knife. _Funny, I thought Fitz was long gone_. I mentally slap myself at my own sad attempt at a joke and shift my focus back to the crying girl in my arms.

"You know I love you, right?"

Finally she slightly pulls away from me, but lingers her hands on my chest. "I know," she responds. "And you promised you wouldn't forget that I love you."

I quickly shake my head. "I won't."

After a few small moments of silence, she speaks up. "Take me home?" she asks.

"Okay," I respond as I lead her to the passenger side and let her into the car.

The drive to Clare's house isn't long and neither of us says much. Clare is too focused on my hand to do much else. At least her tears have stopped.

"It's starting to bruise, Eli."

"It'll be fine. Barely hurts anyways."

When she doesn't respond, I sneak glance at her. She's glaring at me with that same expression she uses when she knows I'm lying.

"Fine. It hurts, but I can handle it."

"Do you want to come inside when we get to my house?" she asks. "I can get you some ice – "

"Clare," I cut her off. "I really don't want to risk your mom coming down the stairs and realizing I'm there at this time of the night."

"She won't know, Eli."

"Still. I can deal with it when I get home. Not a big deal."

She sits back in her seat and secedes from saying anything else. She continues to examine my hand until we reach her house.

I turn off the ignition and turn to look at her. Every part of me wants to reach up and cradle her face in my hands, to embrace her and kiss her. But I know she's not ready for that.

So instead of physically showing her, I decide to tell her.

"Do you remember when I told you about Julia?" I ask her.

She nods in response.

"And when I told you about my hoarding?"

She nods again.

"It wasn't easy for me to talk about. I felt like what had happened was my fault. I was the one to blame. I knew telling you would change everything. I was scared you'd leave, or worse you'd stay out of pity. I was ashamed. Maybe it doesn't make sense," I laugh under my breath.

"I understand," she responds.

I continue. "So I get that you might have felt something along those lines. I remember trying so hard to keep those secrets from you because I knew the heavy burden I carried. I knew how much it sucked having to deal with them. I didn't want that for you."

I hesitantly reach up giving her time to adjust and brush my fingers across her soft skin on her cheek.

"But in the end, I realized that being with someone, especially someone I had such a strong connection with, meant telling them everything. Because they deserve to know." I pause. "So I'm glad you did end up telling me. But I don't understand why you felt like you couldn't."

"I just…didn't want to distract you from the musical and NYU."

"Bullshit, Clare."

Her eyes widen at my response. I just stare back and wait for her to tell me the inevitable. "Okay," she whispers. "Maybe I was scared that…" she trails off.

"That I would lose it." I finish for her.

Her silence tells me everything I need to hear.

"Clare, I need you to do something for me."

She looks up at me. "What is it?"

"Never feel like you have to keep things from me. I've come a long way and I wish you would have realized that." I tell her in a shaky voice.

"I know that, Eli. And I'm proud of you for that. But how was I supposed to tell you after I found out you forgot your medication because of me? Do you know how that made me feel? Like dirt, Eli."

I shake my head. "That's my responsibility. Not yours."

"That doesn't make me feel any better about it happening."

I take a deep breath in resignation. "Just please, Clare. From now on, tell me everything."

She doesn't respond for a few moments. Finally, she nods her head. "Okay."

I give her a small smile. "What I mean to say with all this is that you helped me through all my issues. I honestly felt like I was a lost cause, but you didn't give up on me. Even you leaving helped me get better. I'm not saying I'm going to leave you, but I will do everything I can to help. Just like you did for me. I owe you that."

"Thank you," she whispers after some silence as she took in my words.

"I love you," I tell her again, happy to have the right to say that whenever I want.

I watch a smile creep up on her face. "I don't need anything else."

"We'll get through this," I remind her.

"Together," she responds.

I squeeze her hand. "Are you going to report him tomorrow?"

I watch her face immediately drop. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"It's the right thing to do."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"You're not going to go through this alone. I can promise you that."

She shifts closer to me before reaching over and resting her hands on both sides of my neck. She rubs her thumb along my jaw line.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow?" she asks me.

I nod my head.

"I love you," she whispers quietly. "Tonight…I hope you know how much it meant to me that you were here."

And with that she opens her door and walks towards her house. I wait until she enters the house before driving back to mine.

After making my way to my room, I glance at the clock. It's four in the morning. _Might as well get two hours of sleep in. _

I plop onto my bed and swear when my hand comes into contact with the bed. I glance at the damage done. Clare was right. It really doesn't look good.

Too exhausted to do anything about it, I close my eyes and drift off into as deep a slumber as I can.

I wake up to my phone vibrating in my pocket. I groan as I reach down and shut off the daily alarm. I rub my eyes as last night's events come back into my mind.

Clare.

Asher.

Harassment.

_Shit_.

If I'm this overwhelmed by it all, I can only imagine what Clare is going through.

After showering, which pretty much hurt like hell every time water came into contact with my hand, and changing into some decent clothes, I make my way downstairs only to be met with Bullfrog's interrogation.

"Where did you take my car last night?"

"Good morning to you too," I reply with a laugh.

"Eli, answer the question."

I sit down at the kitchen table across from him. "Clare called. She was really upset."

"Go on," he prods me.

"Dad," my voice sounds much shakier than I'd like. "It was like Julia all over again. Someone I love out at night and upset. I had to go."

"I'm not angry at you Eli. You just have to keep us informed of these kinds of things."

I nod. "I know."

"What the hell happened to your hand?"

_Damn it_. "I punched a wall," I mutter under my breath.

"You did what?" Bullfrog asks me while slightly raising his voice.

"It was stupid. I'm going to go see the psychiatrist today before school."

"Eli, you're worrying me."

"Don't freak out, Dad. It's just a lot at once, but I can handle it. I'm not having an episode. I promise."

I hear Bullfrog sigh. "You see the doctor today and I will be calling her to make sure you did, you hear?"

I nod my head in response.

"Kid, you have to take care of yourself," he tells me for the millionth time.

"I am." I glance at the clock on the wall and grab my back pack before getting off the seat. "I have to leave now unless I want to be even more late for school than expected."

"Okay. See you tonight. And ice that hand of yours."

"Hey Dad?"

He looks up at me.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, you little brat."

We both chuckle before I walk out the door and make my way towards the hospital.

I take the elevator to the tenth floor where the doctor's office is and knock on her door.

After a few seconds, I hear footsteps approaching. "Eli? I wasn't expecting you," she says after opening the door.

"I know, and I'm sorry if you're busy, but I really need to ask you something."

"Of course. Please come in."

I smile at her in thanks before sitting on the couch I normally use during my sessions here.

"What's on your mind?" she asks me.

"It's just…Clare's going through a lot right now. And after finding out about it, I may have overreacted." I lift my hand as evidence. "Punched a wall," I laugh.

Her eyes widen, but I can read a little bit of humor in her expression. "That's not exactly the way we would like you to be dealing with your emotions."

"But you got to admit it's a couple of steps forward from shooting a picture, right?" I chuckle.

She gives me a warm smile. "You've improved a lot, Eli. But this still isn't the best news. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

I sigh. _Thank God for patient confidentiality_. "Clare told me her boss sexually harassed her. And I was pissed. But I couldn't control my emotions like you've been telling me to. I screwed up." I state simply.

"Eli, your emotional reaction is normal."

"Really?" I ask her.

"Of course. Any guy who cares about his girlfriend would be furious at what happened. Frankly, I understand why you got overwhelmed. But you have to learn to react to your emotions in a different way. It seems like you always resort to some sort of violence when your emotions control you. We need to begin discussing how not to do that."

"Why do I?" I ask her shyly. "Resort to violence, I mean."

"It was once believed that venting anger in that way was healthy as it would let out those emotions. It's called catharsis. It feels good, doesn't it?"

I nod in response. I have to admit punching the wall did feel good for a brief moment until the pain took over.

"But through more research," she continues. "We've seen that an increase in this type of behavior only increases aggressive tendencies."

"So I should stop being angry now before it gets out of hand," I state.

"Not at all. Granted, I don't want you to feel angry. But I don't want you to feel nothing. It's healthy to have emotions. You just have to know how to react to them."

"Okay," I say.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have another patient coming in. Would you like to schedule a session sometime later this week?"

"That would help. My dad will probably call you later by the way," I laugh under my breath.

"Then I'll just schedule it on the phone with him, okay?"

I nod before thanking her and exiting the hospital. It takes me about twenty minutes to walk to Degrassi.

I pull out my phone to glance at the time. I've only missed first period. Who needs English anyways, right? Wrong. Dawes is going to kill me.

I open my unread texts as I enter the door into the school. Four texts from Clare.

_Good morning, Eli. Are you coming to school?_

_I hope everything is okay…_

_Please text me when you get this._

_I'm worried. _

I chuckle to myself. Clare is such a worry wart. Although I kind of do feel bad about not telling her I would be late. God knows what went through her mind when I didn't show up. She's got a pretty big imagination.

I text her as the receptionist completes a late slip form for me.

_Hey, I'm fine. Sorry I just had to do something before school. See you at lunch._

I send the text just as the lady finishes and I make my way towards second period.

The classes go by like a blur. I didn't really register much about anything. I'm too anxious to see Clare and make sure she's okay after last night and before everything that is going to happen today.

As soon as the bell rings, I rush over to her locker and wait for her. Once her figure turns the corner, I can see her eyes searching for me. I smile and wave to catch her attention and she pretty much runs over to me.

"You scared me. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. How are you?"

"Eli," she glares at me.

I let out a sigh. "I just had to stop by my doctor's office."

"For your hand?" she asks as she winces at it.

I laugh. "Not that doctor, Clare."

Her eyes widen as realization dawns on her. "Are you okay?" she asks quietly.

I nod my head. "I will be. I'm scheduling another appointment for later this week."

"I'll go with you," she offers.

"No!" I watch as she jumps back at my tone. Frankly, Clare does not need to deal with the heaviness of a therapy session right now. It's not easy. "I just…you don't have to."

"I want to."

"It's something I have to do on my own. Like you did at the church yesterday."

After a few moments of staring at each other, she gives in. "Fine, but if you need anything, just ask me. I'm here."

"I know," I respond. "Hey, I have a meeting with Simpson about the musical, but I'll see you after school? We'll go to the newspaper together."

"Actually, I'm going now." She tells me softly with a hint of apprehension in her voice.

"Excuse me?" I ask confused and a little shocked.

"Asher's boss isn't at the offices when school ends. I have to go now or else I'll miss her."

Slightly panicking, I speak up. "Okay, let me go cancel with – "

"No, Eli! I can't ask you to do that."

"Uh, yeah you can. It's just one meeting Clare."

"Yeah, but we both now how Simpson is about missing that stuff. I'm not going to let you skip that."

"Why are you acting like this?" I ask her completely confused with how she is slightly pushing me away.

I hear her take in a deep breath. "I have to go. Thank you again for last night. You're my hero."

She turns around to walk away, but I run after her. "Hey, what happened? Let me go with you," I say stopping in front of her.

"Come after your meeting then." I stare at her waiting for an explanation to her behavior. "I just don't want to see your projects fail because I'm distracting you."

"Clare, that's not what is happening here."

"Please. I won't be able to focus if I know I'm messing this up for you."

For once, Clare's unselfishness is starting to well, annoy me. But I have no choice but to follow her rules at the moment.

"Okay. I'll go as soon as I'm done. I'm sorry about this."

"Don't be," she whispers before holding my face between her hands. "I wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't for you. Thank you."

I close my eyes at the gentlest brush of her lips on mine.

"You can do this," I tell her after she pulls away. "I love you."

She smiles at me, "Forever and always."

And with that she walks past me, taking every bit of me with her.

**And there you have it folks! :) I hope you all understand why we had to hear from Eli's point of view. He needed to have a say in all this. And I know that he acted out a bit more in this story than on the show, but it's just where the story took him. So I hope you all enjoyed it and please let me know what you all thought! Your reviews make me so happy. Sometimes if I'm having just one of those days, I reread them and they definitely make me feel better! :) Love you lots! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Greetings my dears! :) I cannot even tell you how happy I was that you guys accepted my portrayal of Eli in that last chapter. Like most of you remarked, we did not get to see much of his reaction in the actual show and I do wish we had the opportunity to have done that. I had a friend that went through something similar to Clare, and her boyfriend reacted much like I had Eli react. Angry, confused. I drew from that to create Eli's response to Clare's confession. So thank you once again for being such darling and loyal readers for sticking with this story and giving me such great feedback! I take everything you guys say into consideration as one of you will notice in this chapter. :) A few chapters ago, many of you mentioned wanting Alli to actually do something since Clare told her what happened and in this story, we saw Alli confront Eli. I had it planned and definitely wanted to go through with it after reading so many requests for it. Just like that, in this chapter, I had a specific scene planned that one reviewer wrote about. So Nizhoni, it may not be a huge showdown, but what you requested is definitely in this chapter. :) Please enjoy you beautiful people! :)**

I stare at the familiar building in front of me.

My eyes wander to a window furthest to the right. I can picture the floor plan in my mind. Straight past the window is one writer's office and right next to his is another writer, Jenna's, office. I've been there a few times to deliver packages and she's always been nothing but kind to me. It's people like her that will make me miss working at _The Toronto Daily_. Then, it's the conference room where we held the meeting. And straight across from that room is the table Asher and I sat at while he attacked me. I feel myself shudder at the memory that has not ceased to haunt me since it was created.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

I know what I have to do. I have to walk through those doors and tell someone I barely know about the most terrifying thing that has happened to me.

I fear she won't believe me. Or that it'll somehow appear my fault. I fear that no matter what I say, things won't go as planned.

I have to fight against every fiber of being that is literally screaming at me to turn around and walk away. To save myself the trouble of fighting my struggle head on.

Fight or flight.

I know what the old Clare Edwards would do. She would choose flight. She would walk away, still believing that life is easier when you ignore your problems. That moving on from troubled events simple means forgetting they exist.

But I also know what _I_ am going to do. I will choose fight. I will not walk away. I owe it to the girl who was attacked to speak up. It may not be easy, but it is the right thing to do. Alli was right. How can I move on if Asher gets away with it?

And then there's Eli. I let out a sigh as I replay my last conversation with him in my mind. He saw his psychiatrist this morning because, let's be honest, I screwed with his mental state last night. I don't regret telling him because I was moments away from losing my mind and I knew he would keep me grounded and sane. But today, after hearing how he's struggling…and the way he pushed away the idea of me going with him to sessions. I feel terrible. He's fighting all this and he's making it impossible for me to help him.

_Just like you're making it impossible for him to help to you._

I frown at my thoughts. Granted, I should have just let him cancel his meeting and come with me. Lord knows I'm barely keeping it together right now. But I can't hinder the musical's success. And I can't stress him even more than I already have. It's all a hopeless, tangled mess.

I walk towards the doors of the office and take my first step inside since Friday night.

The familiar smells and sounds of the office overwhelm my senses. I can feel my body tense and begin pumping adrenaline through my system, alerting every cell I'm made of that danger is near. I can hear my heart beat resonating loudly as it pumps blood through my veins. So this is what it feels like to return to the scene of a crime. This is what a soldier feels when returning to battle.

Just like that soldier, I have no choice but to be courageous, to ensure I have the ammunition I need to protect myself.

I send out a quick prayer for strength and guidance. I need God to steady my uncontrollable reaction to being in such close proximity to Asher. His office is merely a few offices down from where I am standing right now.

I also reach into my bag and finger the black jacket that has become my lifeline. I've become so dependent on having it near me. To protect me and keep me safe. To remind me of someone who has always vowed to do those two things.

Walking up towards the receptionist's desk, I smile at Mary. "Hi Mary."

She looks up at me. "Clare! How are you feeling? Better today?"

"I'm trying," I laugh. "But definitely still feeling a little under the weather."

"You do look a little drained," she observes.

_You don't even know the half of it._ "I'm just here to see Diane. Is she in her office?"

Mary nods her head, "She just got out of a meeting. You came at the right time."

I smile at her in thanks before knocking on the open door of the first office on my left.

"Come in," her stern voice sounds out as she continues to look through the seemingly endless amount of papers on her desk.

"Hi Diane," I reply. "I was just wondering if I could speak to you about something?" I ask her nervously.

She looks up at me. "Clare. Of course, have a seat. You don't start for a few hours, right? Shouldn't you be in school?"

I close the door behind me and take a seat in the chair across from hers. "Its our lunch period and I just really needed to speak with you."

"What is it pertaining to?"

I close my eyes. "Asher," I state firmly.

"What about Asher?" She asks me hesitantly, clearly confused as to why I'm barging into her office unannounced like this.

"H-he…Friday after the meeting, he asked me to help him with some articles." I pause, thinking of how I can articulate what happened to her.

"Did you have an issue with that request? You are here to learn more about journalism."

"R-right. I know. I was more than happy to help, excited even," I laugh under my breath. "But while we were working, the offices emptied out. A-and he, well we were alone, so he…" I trail off before looking down at my hands. "He kissed me," I whisper.

"Excuse me, Clare? Can you repeat that please?"

I look up at her. "He kissed me." I state more firmly.

Her eyes widen at my confession. I decide to continue on.

"I tried to push him off, but he persisted on touching me. I don't know how, but eventually I was able to fight his grip."

I feel her stare scrutinizing every part of me. After a few moments of silence, she speaks up. "These are serious accusations, Clare."

"I know that. And if I didn't feel like this was my only option, I would have dealt with it on my own. But I'm bound by a contract and I refuse to torture myself by coming to work at a place that makes me feel uncomfortable and violated." I mentally high-five myself for allowing my confident side to shine through for once.

"Contract?" She asks.

"For the internship."

"Oh, that's right." I hear her take a deep breath. "You have put me in a very uncomfortable position, Ms. Edwards."

"I'm sorry," I respond.

"Asher is a huge asset to our newspaper and he has been here for years. Every intern he has worked with has only praised his mentorship. You are the first with these complaints."

_Complaints? _"He sexually harassed me." I state with emphasis, angry at how she made my attack seem so small and trivial.

"I understand what you are telling me, but –"

"Please. As a woman, you have to understand."

"I am more than aware about harassment in the workplace. It is my job to ensure my station is free of this behavior. But I also cannot fire a valuable employee on an accusation."

I can't believe what I am hearing. "This can't be happening," I whisper.

"Perhaps I can speak with Asher on the subject and hear his side of the story."

I scoff at her. "That won't do any good. He'll just lie and say it didn't happen."

I watch as she reaches for the phone and dials an extension. After a few moments, she speaks into the line. "Asher? Can you come to my office please?"

She returns the phone to its normal position before turning back to me. "You can be here when I ask him. I feel that's fair."

_Fair? How is forcing me in a room with my attacker fair?_ I feel the nerves in my body being to pick up on my emotions again. I grip the handles of my chair tightly as I realize I am about to come face to face with Asher.

I'm not prepared for this.

I won't be able to keep it together.

I can't do this.

Just as I feel my eyes begin to water in helplessness, I hear his voice.

"_You can do this. I love you."_

Eli's words from earlier in the day echo in my mind.

And just as I hear the door swing open behind me, I feel a wave of courage spread over me.

"You wanted to see me?" Asher asks from behind me.

I brace myself before turning towards him. We both suck in a breath.

It's insane how vividly I can recall his image. Every little detail of his appearance has been cataloged in my mind. The man in front of me is the same as the one in my mind filed under "People I'd Rather Never Encounter Again".

And yet, here I am. Mere feet away from the man who has stolen my comfort, my sense of security.

"Please have a seat, Asher." I hear Diane speak up.

He sits in the chair next to mine. "What is this about?" he asks.

_Like you don't know._

"Clare has, well, expressed some concerns to me that I believe we should all go over together. Clare?"

I stare at her for a few moments before gazing at my hands in my lap. My eyes fall on my ring. I allow myself to remember Eli's words as he returned it to my finger. I was strong enough to stop him before it got too far. I'm still pure. I can't let him consume me. "You sexually harassed me. And I refuse to let you get away with it." I state firmly.

"Diane, I have absolutely no idea what she is talking about."

"You ruined everything!" I lash out at him. "All I ever did was work hard to get this internship and prove I deserved this spot. Last time I checked, being a good journalist does not involve allowing your boss to overstep his boundaries."

"Clare, please calm down." I vaguely hear Diane's voice in the outskirts of my conscious attention. All I can focus on is unleashing all this pent up anger and emotion.

"Not until he admits he did it." I challenge him.

"I won't admit to something I didn't do," he responds with his brows furrowed together. "But Diane, I believe I know what all this is about. If I may?"

"Of course, Asher."

"Yes, please enlighten us." I snap at him.

"Clare was struggling while she was here. The workload was a little much for her and unfortunately, she wasn't performing as well as we both would have liked. She came to me a few times expressing how she feels that she doesn't fit in with what this career entails. I kindly reminded her about the contract she willfully signed. So she asked me to see it and I immediately sent it to her through e-mail. You can check both of our records for verification."

"Clare, is this true?" She asks me.

"W-well, he did send me the contract. So yes, but –"

Asher cuts me off. "I assume she went through the section on how to cancel her contract and accusing another employee of sexual harassment does call for her to be allowed to leave the newspaper. I think," he pauses for dramatic effect, "Clare is just trying to get out of working here since it is clearly not something she is ready for. It's sad she felt she had to resort to these measures though."

I am frozen. Paralyzed by his words. Because they sound so real. They sound so…_true_. He must have been planning this stupid speech of his since I ran away from him. He came to battle prepared with a full arsenal of ammo. I feel like I brought a knife to a gunfight.

"Clare? Anything to say to that."

I just continue to stare at him in shock. How someone can be so malicious, sick, and manipulative is beyond me. "T-that's not true," I let out.

I hear Diane sigh from behind her large desk. "Clare, what evidence do you have of your accusations? Has he ever sent you inappropriate material?"

"That's preposterous," Asher states.

"Please allow Clare to answer the question. Do you or do you not have evidence?"

I feel my eyes water and my bottom lip quiver. "I know what happened to me," I say in a desperate tone. "I wouldn't make this up."

"Unfortunately, without evidence, there isn't much I can do here. My hands are tied."

I allow a small sob to escape my throat. "No…" I trail off.

"But I will agree to a thorough investigation from our human resources department. I'm sorry Asher; we just have to follow protocol."

"Of course, I understand. The truth is the truth. It'll come out eventually. I'm not worried."

I just want to slap that smug expression off his face. He knows he has the upper hand. He has a clear shot at me as we continue to fight on the battlefield.

"Alright then. If you two don't mind, I have a lot of work to do. Oh and Asher, I sent you the interview with the mayor to help with your article."

"Perfect. Thank you."

"And Clare, I will suspend your contract until the investigation is complete."

I robotically grab my bag and stand up from my chair. I don't even bother to respond as I turn around and walk towards the door.

She didn't believe me.

Asher made me sound like a pathetic, weak high school girl who is unprepared to face the real world.

His plan worked.

I take a few steps into the lobby and notice Mary isn't behind her desk. Something I am thankful for. I'm not in the mood for small talk with her.

"You won't win," I hear him state from behind me.

I turn around towards the man in the navy suit in front of me.

"You said it yourself. The truth is the truth and it will come out eventually."

I watch as he takes a step towards me and my body tenses in apprehension.

"You have no evidence. If you cared at all about your career, you would not have made those accusations."

I bite my lip and take a deep breath. "They are not accusations. You attacked me."

He begins to take another step toward me when we both hear a voice coming from the entrance doors. "I suggest you back away from her."

My heart skips a beat. I'd know that voice anywhere. I turn around and see Eli standing, one hand on his backpack strap, the other in his pocket.

"I was just telling our friend Clare here how sorry I am that no one will believe her fictitious tale," Asher responds as I turn my attention back to him.

I hear Eli's footsteps come closer to me. "I thought I said to step away from her. If I were you," Eli moves in front of me, blocking Asher's form from mine. "I would do that. Keep in mind, I once crashed my own car _o__n purpose_."

Asher's facial expression tightens before he shakes his head and begins to walk away. "You're making a mistake, Clare. But fine, it's your career, not mine." And with that he turns around and walks back towards his office.

I let out the breath I've been holding since Eli got here. I wrap my hands around his arm. "Eli, let's go."

He doesn't move. Just stares at the spot where Asher stood only moments ago.

I tug on his arm. "Please, Eli. I want to leave," I plead in an attempt to escape this place.

Finally, he angles his head towards me and stares into my eyes. I just stare back at him trying to communicate silently with him.

_What happened?_

_I'll explain everything later, but I need to get out of here now._

_I'm angry._

_Me too._

I tug on his arm again and this time he lets me drag him out towards the street and the daylight outside. We walk in silence as I cling desperately to his arm and fist the fabric of his jacket in my hands.

I follow his lead when he approaches our familiar bench and takes a seat. I scoot closely to him and bury my face into his shoulder.

After what seems like forever, Eli finally speaks up. "He makes me sick."

I lift up my gaze to his face as I rest my chin on his shoulder. "She didn't believe me," I whisper.

I feel him tense beside me as he turns his body towards mine. "What do you mean she didn't believe you?"

"I have no evidence. And Asher told a convincing story. _I_ almost believed him," I mutter under my breath.

"So what? He just gets away with it?"

I shake my head. "They're going to investigate it. But it won't work. They won't find anything." I shrug my shoulders. "I lose," I state as I feel my body begin to shake, mirroring my bottom lip.

"Clare," Eli trails off in a low voice. "I am so proud of you for reporting him."

"Didn't do me any good," I tell him in a low voice.

"You did what you could. If you'd only let me be locked in a room with that asshole for five minutes, I could do a lot more damage."

I squeeze his arm. "Can we just not talk about it right now?"

He reaches his free hand to rest on my leg. His hand still looks badly injured from last night. After a few moments, he speaks up. "I'm sorry," he genuinely tells me.

"Me too," I respond before leaning towards him and fitting my head into the crook of his neck.

I close my eyes and breathe in his scent as it consumes the air around me.

**And there you have it folks! Boy do you hate Asher or what? It's really sad that the real world is unfair as that. Our poor Clare. :( But anyways, thank you all for reading! You guys are the best! Leave me comments if you'd like. I absolutely adore hearing from you all! I definitely look forward to reading all you have to say about the story. It makes my day to read your reviews! :) Love you all and I will talk to you very soon! Bye! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello lovely people! Oh goodness you guys rock my socks and float my boat and all that jazz with your response to this story! I simply cannot believe how sweet you all are with your kind words you all leave me. Thank you so much once again for being such darlings! I have a lot more to say, but I will leave that for the author's note at the end. There is A LOT I have to say to you all! :) Until then, please enjoy the final chapter of Love is Protection!**

"Hold my earrings, Clare. I have a perverted ass to fight with."

I roll my eyes as Alli reaches for her dangling blue earrings. "Alli, stop. That won't solve anything. Although it would be pretty funny to see you try and fight Asher. He's at least a foot taller than you."

She glares at me despite my humorous reply. "Well, we can't just let him get away with this. We can talk to Dave's dad and get the police –"

"We are _not_ getting the police involved." I cut her off. "The last thing I need is everyone knowing what happened. I honestly just want to move on." I glance down at my lap. "Put it all behind me," I whisper.

I hear Alli sigh before reaching over to grasp my hand in hers. "You know what you did was pretty brave. I don't think I could have been in the same room with the man who…you know."

"It wasn't easy. I was so uncomfortable. And I was terrified when he followed me out," I say in a low voice.

"He shouldn't have done that. It was uncalled for."

I look up and meet her eyes from her position next to me on the bench as we sit in Jake and Katie's garden. "I keep thinking what would have happened if Eli didn't…if Eli was just one minute late. What was he planning on doing?"

"You can't think like that. You'll drive yourself crazy."

"I think I already have," I laugh under my breath. She looks at me with genuinely sympathetic eyes and I am overcome with gratitude for the girl sitting next to me. "I can't thank you enough for being here. I'm pretty sure I would've gone off the deep end if I hadn't told you." I pause a small smile creeping itself onto my face. "And I think I owe you another thank you for talking to Eli."

Her eyes widen. "He told you?"

I nod my head. "I'm glad you did. If he hadn't come back and talked to me that day, I doubt I would've told him."

She squeezes my hand. "Well, I'm just glad I could help. You've helped me through more problems than I can count. I guess we can call it even?"

I laugh as I nod my head. "Hopefully we won't need to comfort each other for a while."

She joins in my laughter.

As my chuckling subsides, I hesitate on bringing up another topic with her.

Eli left school early. He didn't exactly tell me where he would be, but I can take a guess. And I want to be there, but he explicitly told me not to worry. That it's something he wants to do on his own. But it just feels so _wrong_ being so far away from him while he struggles through another session with his psychiatrist. He's gone above and beyond for me these past few days. I just feel so inadequate with what little I've done for him recently.

"Alli?"

"Yeah?"

"Eli's at a session with his psychiatrist right now. And when I asked if I could go with him, he was really adamant on going alone. I just feel weird knowing where he is and that I'm not there supporting him. He hasn't left my side since the Asher thing. I feel bad that I can't return the favor."

"Why wouldn't he let you go?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, but he seemed pretty intent on me not going."

Alli shifts her gaze from me to a cluster of flowers a few feet away. "Why didn't you tell Eli about Asher?" she asks me in a low voice.

I furrow my eyebrows as I look at her with a confused expression. _Where did that come from?_ I let out a long breath before being honest with her and myself. "I'd like to believe it was because I didn't want to add even more weight on his shoulders, and that has something to do with it. But honestly, and I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, I think a lot of it was my fear of being a trigger for his issues." I whisper the last part so softly, I doubt Alli heard it.

"I have a feeling Eli knows that," she responds gently. "So maybe he just doesn't want you to see him as someone with an illness. Plus, he's a guy. He wants to appear all manly and tough," she laughs.

"Eli doesn't have to prove anything to me. I know how strong he is."

"Then why didn't you tell him?" she asks again in a matter-of-fact tone.

My eyes glisten as I realize she's right. I can try to defend my actions and defend my thoughts, but in the end, we both know the truth. "He feels like I see his illness as a weakness," I whisper. "Because I felt like I couldn't tell him about Asher."

Alli nods her head slowly. "So maybe he's doing whatever he can to distance that part of his life from you."

"He shouldn't have to do that," I respond.

Alli gives my hand another squeeze. "I'm not the one you have to tell that to."

I ponder over her response. She's right. The last thing I want is Eli to feel uncomfortable, to feel like he has to hide parts of his life from me. Lord knows that's not fair at all.

And just like Eli allowed me to pollute our happiness with telling him about my harassment even though it wasn't easy on either of us, I have to allow him to be the strong one even if I feel whatever we are going through may be tough on him. I have to stop treating him like a person with bipolar disorder and I have to start treating him like my boyfriend. My rock. My confidant.

"I think I have somewhere I need to be right now," I speak up after a few minutes.

Alli smiles at me. "I think you do."

I wrap my arms around her in a tight hug. "I love you, Alli."

"I love you too," she responds as we both pull away. "Call me later?"

I nod my head before grabbing my bag and walking towards the front doors of the school.

There are two things I need to do today.

The first is I have to show Eli that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his illness. That we will fight through our troubles _together_. Neither of us should have to struggle alone.

The second is I have to allow Eli to be exactly who he doesn't feel like he can be: my safe place to land. And I know exactly how I need to do that. I feel a shiver run down my spine at the thought of what I have planned. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up in fear even now. I take a few deep breaths to calm my accelerating emotions. This can all wait until later.

About twenty or so minutes later I find myself walking through the automatic sliding doors of the hospital. I make my way over to the receptionist at the front desk.

"Excuse me," I ask her politely. "I'm looking for the psychiatric department."

She glances up at me from behind her eyeglasses. "Most of the offices are on the tenth floor, ma'am." She responds with a welcoming smile.

I reciprocate her expression. "Thank you."

I walk over to the elevators and push the appropriate button causing the number "10" to light up.

The elevator makes one stop on the 5th floor as a lady, probably about my mom's age, walks in and picks her designated level.

As the elevator picks up again in speed, I feel my heart mirror the motion. _Will Eli be happy to see me? Or will he be mad that I intruded?_ I bite my lip in hesitation as the doors slide open and I walk onto the 10th floor.

I realize I have absolutely no idea where I am or where I need to go. I begin to take a few smalls steps down the empty hallway. Every so often there is a door with a doctor's name on it. I'm assuming each psychiatrist has their own office where they old these therapy sessions. I continue walking and glancing at each name, hoping one will ring a bell when all of a sudden, a few doors down from where I am, I see Eli's figure begin to walk out of the room. I quicken my pace, drawn towards him by that same force that has both scared me and mesmerized me from the moment he ran over my glasses.

A woman walks out the office with him. She's wearing a pretty navy blue suit and as she turns around to lock the door behind them, Eli finally looks towards my way.

His eyes widen as he remains glued to his spot. I attempt to convey my reasoning to him silently, hoping he understands.

_What are you doing here?_

_I want to be here._

"So, I'll be seeing you next week at the same time then?" The psychiatrist asks him just as she turns towards me as well.

I walk the remaining few steps forward until I am close enough to reach over and grab Eli's hand in mine. "Hi, I'm Clare by the way." I tell her.

She immediately smiles. "So this is Clare. It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you," she reaches out her hand and I eagerly take it.

"Good things I hope?" I ask her lightheartedly.

"Nothing but the best. He's crazy about you," she laughs.

I feel the heat rise up in my cheeks. "Maybe I should start coming to sessions as well. I'm pretty crazy about him too." I respond softly while squeezing his hand. His silence throughout this whole exchange is unnerving.

She chuckles. "If you would excuse me, I have another patient to attend to. It was nice meeting you, Clare and I'll see you soon, Eli."

He nods his head confirming her statement and we both watch her walk down the hallway towards the elevators.

I turn my gaze back to Eli. "How was it?" I ask him softly.

"I thought I told you not to follow me here," he responds as he finally looks up to meet my gaze.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for my monologue to come. "I know, but it just didn't feel right being somewhere else when you were here. It didn't feel right knowing you might be struggling and knowing I'm not doing anything to help. I guess I know how you felt when I wouldn't tell you about Asher. But Eli, if you don't want me to come because you see your diagnosis as a weakness, then I'm here to tell you you're wrong. What you see as a hindrance, I see as another obstacle you've overcome. I don't know many people who could go through everything you have and still have enough strength to carry others like you've carried me." I reach up and lightly cup my hand on his cheek. "I made a mistake not telling you. Just add it to all the other things I've done wrong," I laugh under my breath as I feel my eyes burn with moisture. "But I want you to know, I don't see you as someone with a disorder. I see you as someone I can trust with my problems. I see you as the one person I know I can count on. Being bipolar doesn't change that."

His eyes shake as they bear into mine. I force his head down to my level and rest our foreheads against each other. I feel his gentle breaths fan my face.

After a few moments, he speaks up. "Thank you," he replies in a deep voice overcome with emotion.

I simply squeeze his hand in response.

"I love you," I tell him in a soft whisper.

"I'll never get tired of hearing that."

"Good, because I don't plan to stop," I tell him in a serious tone.

I pull back from him and look up to meet his eyes. "Are your parents home?" I ask him.

He looks at me quizzically. "No…" he drags out the syllable. "Why?"

"I need you to do something for me." I look down at the ground and blush as I ask him my request.

"Are you sure?" he asks me.

I nod my head. "I need to do this eventually and I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up. "Okay, let's go."

We walk hand in hand towards the elevators in silence.

As soon as fresh air blows against my face, I smile to myself. _I can do this. _

"You never answered my question," I tell Eli as I turn my body towards him.

"Oh," he responds as he realizes what I'm referring to. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

"Be honest, Eli."

I hear him sigh. "I don't know what you want to hear. It's never going to be easy Clare, but I don't want to complain."

"I'm not asking you to complain. I just want you to tell me if you're okay."

He stops walking as he turns towards me. "Can I be honest?"

I nod my head.

"Seeing you afterwards made it a whole lot easier."

"Then consider me outside that door before and after every session."

He slowly shakes his head. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to," I respond sympathetically to him.

My response seems to satisfy him as he continues on down the street towards his house. When we arrive, he leads me up the stairs towards his room after I kindly reject his offer for some food. I highly doubt I can stomach anything with all the flutterings making their way around my stomach. I seriously feel like throwing up.

"Are you okay?"

I look over at Eli. I nod my head in silence as I walk towards his desk and rest my bag next to his laptop. He drops his backpack at the side of his bed before walking over to me slowly. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, hoping to calm my raging insides. "Just please go slow," I tell him softly before opening my eyes and blushing under his gaze.

"The second you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, tell me."

"Okay," I whisper as I try and prepare my body for what is to come.

All I want is for Eli to be able to kiss me without it feeling like Asher. All I want is to be physically comfortable around my own boyfriend. And this is the second thing I have to do today. I have to allow Eli to be my safe place to land. I have to trust him with my body.

Obviously I'm not breaking my vow to abstinence. All I'm referring to is kissing Eli. That's it. I just want us to kiss and cuddle without the presence of Asher overcoming my body.

I feel Eli's hands grasp both of mine. We both pause as I await my body's response. _So far so good_.

Eli takes my silence as allowance to continue. He pulls me closer to him and ever so slowly lets go of my hands and grasps my waist softly. I can feel my mind beginning to wander away. _No. We're not going to that stupid office. I choose to stay here in Eli's room. _

As he pulls me towards his chest, I force myself to welcome his embrace. Granted, every fiber of my being is screeching on my insides, yelling at me to fight back against the hands holding me. But I ignore my body's response and focus on my mind instead. "_In case it wasn't obvious, I love you too."_

I allow Eli's words from the night I told him about Asher and the attack to echo in my mind.

I feel Eli pull away and I look up at him. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," I whisper.

He gives me a moment before reaching towards my face and grasping it gently in both of his hands. I bite my lip in an attempt to fight back the emotions threatening to surface.

He senses my discomfort and just as he begins to slide his hands away, I grip them in place. "Keep going. I'm okay."

He stares into my eyes for a few seconds looking for assurance to what I said. I'm assuming he found it since he softly brings his lips to brush mine.

And just like that night, I can feel parts of me cry out against the touch. But there are also parts of me that feel the tingling of my lips as he gives me a quick peck.

I lift my arms up to rest on either side of his neck and pull him closer to me, not allowing him a chance to pull away.

He continues to move his lips against mine and I eagerly reciprocate his movements. The more my body sends signals to every cell to run out of here as quick as I can, the more forcefully I attach my lips to Eli's.

Once I feel comfortable with these kisses, I decide to take a leap of faith. I hop up and wrap my legs around his waist. I feel him stiffen against me before he brings his hands to rest on the backs of my thighs.

After a few moments, he pulls away much to my reluctance. Our heavy breathing intermixes between our close faces. I watch him deeply swallow before speaking. "How are you feeling?"

"It's not easy," I tell him honestly. "But I don't want to give in. I don't want to stop. He can't take this from me. I won't let him."

I allow Eli to be in control of the situation and await his lips. The moment they return to mine, I immediately tense. Eli's lips are much less gentle this time. They seem overcome with his own emotions as they hungrily touch mine. I gasp slightly when he risks allowing our tongues to come in contact.

This was too quick.

I wasn't prepared for that.

And my surroundings transform as it isn't Eli's tongue exploring my mouth. It is Asher's probing around, unwanted.

I pull away. "Stop! Please, stop!" I sob out as I taste the salty moisture running down my face.

"Shit, Clare. I'm sorry. I didn't…," Eli frantically replies before setting me down on the ground gently and backing away from me.

I turn around and rest my palms on the surface of his desk and attempt to steady myself. _Deep breaths, Clare. It's okay. It's only Eli. _I keep repeating this to myself until my body finally accepts it and my heart rate begins to slow down.

It must have been a few minutes before I hear Eli's voice from behind me. "Please tell me you're okay." I can sense the worry in his voice.

I close my eyes and take one last breath before turning back towards him. "I'm fine. I just needed a moment. I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't apologize. _I'm_ the one who should be sorry. Clare, I didn't mean to –"

"No," I cut him off. "You did everything right. I'm the one who's acting weird." I laugh under my breath.

"You have every right to be."

I begin to walk towards him. "Can we pick up where we left off?" I ask him gently.

His eyes widen in surprise. "Are you sure? You're not hurt or anything?"

I shake my head. "Keep going."

He lets out a sigh before pulling me closer to him and slowly and gently capturing my lips in his. I let him control the kiss as I begin to walk backwards towards his bed. When the back of my legs come in contact with the edge of the bed, I pull away and slowly lean back until coming into contact his mattress.

I keep my eyes closed as I feel the heat rise up in my cheeks. I decide to wait for Eli to continue his advances.

My body waits in anticipation, but not out of fear. I feel a small smile makes its way onto my face as I come into contact with the familiar emotions that used to overwhelm me when Eli would kiss me. These feelings of joy, of pleasure. Not of fear or panic.

I feel the mattress dip as Eli joins me on the bed. I sigh in relief when I feel his lips brush my neck. As he continues his attentions to my neck, I lift my hands up and grasp parts of his shirt in my fist.

He immediately stops and I feel him pull away. I open my eyes in confusion.

"W-why'd you stop?"

"Clare, you have a death grip on my shirt right now."

I bite my lip in embarrassment. "N-no. It, um, it felt good." I look up at him shyly as I unfist my hands and rest my palms on his chest.

Eli swallows before resting his hands on either side of my head and kissing my forehead gently. "I think we have succeeded then," he whispers.

I beam at him and for a moment we just stare at each other with goofy grins on both our faces.

My smile falters as I realize there is still one more thing to be done. He angles his head in question. "What is it?"

I take in a deep breath before speaking up. "There is one more thing. Asher, h-he touched me too." I bite my lip so hard I wouldn't be surprised if a stream of blood began to emerge from my soft flesh. I watch as Eli brings a hand to my chin and tugs down to free my lip from my teeth's grasp.

"Where?" He asks me in a hoarse voice.

It is then that I let out a sob. Eli immediately sits up and pulls me up with him. I hide my face in his neck as I straddle his lap. "It's not fair," I tell him. "It's not fair that the first time we do this, it's because of _him_."

I feel Eli's hand rub the small of my back. His other hand comes up to graze the top of my head. He places a gentle kiss to that same spot as I continue to let out my emotions.

After a little while of Eli holding me, I take a few deep breaths in an attempt to slow my current rapid breathing.

I pull slightly away from him and I feel his gaze on me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I keep losing it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Hey, stop apologizing. We don't have to do this today."

I shake my head. "I want to do this. Please."

I hear him sigh before grasping my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. "Clare, this is _killing_ me. It just feels wrong hurting you like this."

I shake my head. "You're helping me. Please, Eli. I need this."

His green eyes pierce my blue ones for a few more seconds before he lets out a breath. "Okay, but we go on _your_ terms now." He brings one hand under mine so that my palm rests on the top of it. "Show me," he tells me.

I nod in understanding before leaning back once again and bringing Eli with me. He hovers above me as I close my eyes and take a few moments to prepare myself.

"Clare?"

I open my eyes. "Yes?"

"I love you."

I force his head down with my free hand and place a gentle kiss on his lips. "I love you more."

He shakes his head. "That's not possible."

I smile softly before returning my attention back to our joined hands. I allow our hands to roam around my midsection where only a week ago, Asher's hands tightly held on to my body.

I close my eyes again and slowly bring our hands up my body.

I feel Eli give a quick kiss to my forehead before resting our foreheads against each other.

Just as our hands graze the lower part of my breast, I freeze in tension.

"It's okay, Clare." I hear Eli speak up. "It's just me."

I let his words sink into every pore in my skin before allowing our hands to continue their movement.

I almost wince in pain when I allow Eli's hand to fully cup my flesh as Asher's had for a brief moment. But unlike the incident with Asher, I do not force Eli away. Instead, I raise my hand off his and let his hand's touch linger.

I bring both my hands to rest on Eli's shoulders as we both remain frozen and I grow accustomed to his touch.

I open my eyes after I notice my body beginning to relax. "I'm okay," I tell him with a surprised tone.

He smiles at me lovingly before giving me a quick kiss. "I'm so damn proud of you, Edwards."

And at that moment I realize that it doesn't matter what ends up happening at _The Toronto Daily_. Whether or not Asher is fired is the absolute last thing on my mind at the moment. Right now, my thoughts echo one thing. And that is the boy in front of my gaze.

I realize that no matter what path the Lord puts me on, this boy will be walking right alongside me.

And that makes even the darkest path seem bright.

I sit up and wrap my arms tightly around his neck and laugh in joy.

I pull away only slightly. "Kiss me," I tell him.

He looks at me curiously but nevertheless tenderly touches our lips together. And my body's response fills me with joy.

I'm the one to pull away with a grin on my face. "That felt _good_."

He laughs. "Well, I would hope so."

I grasp his face in my hands and reward him with another quick kiss.

"Thank you," I whisper against his lips.

And we spend the next few moments just gazing at each other as I rub my thumb across his cheek.

I've always been able to read Eli's eyes, but this is the clearest message they've ever sent me.

_I love you._

I smile. "I love you too," I say out loud.

I know I got the message right because instead of looking at me with confusion, Eli simply touches our lips together again.

We both relish in our own private bliss.

**And there you have it folks! This ends Love is Protection. Again, I just want to say thank you to all you reviewers! From the ones who have reviewed since the first few chapters (and believe me I totally know who you all are and I thank you guys!) to those of you who happened to stumble upon this story now as it ends (you are all dear to me as well!). I seriously cannot express my gratitude enough to all of you. This story has helped me gain more confidence as a writer and it has allowed me to take risks with my writing. I would not have been able to produce such a story that I am genuinely proud of had it not been for your kind motivation. I genuinely appreciate it! **

**On another note, I have a story that has been weaving its way into my thoughts for a while now. I have made the decision to write it. It will be my first Eli and Clare story that does not follow the plot of the show. I am both excited and a little nervous! A very brief summary is that it will be about a young soldier, Elijah Goldsworthy who returns from battle after him and his friend Dave are shot in action. When he returns, he meets the gentle and patient Clare Edwards, best friend to Dave's new fiance, Alli. As a recently hired journalist, Clare is beginning a new article centered on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and learns a lot from the two newly returned men. But she finds herself drawn to the soldier with the green eyes that seem robbed of life and without thinking twice, she joins him on his struggle to revive from the effects of war. And that may not have been the best summary, but you guys can kind of get the main idea. My goal is to keep the characters much like the Eli and Clare we know and love, but with slight twists to allow this story to work. Look for Love is Revival coming soon! :)**

**Thank you again you beautiful readers! I love you all more than words can describe! You are all the best! I hope to hear from you all very soon! :)**


End file.
